UnsysteMatic tHeologies of juStice and PrayEr

Well, Im am sifting through a lot thathas been building for years in me. I assume I will find people who already know this, or who could really help me expand my understanding on this. But I have a had a few requests to write this down, so that it could be simply presented. I would love ot hear others expound on it.

1. The Thief, and his food.
Prov 6:30-31
30 Men do not despise a thief if he steals to satisfy his hunger when he is starving.
31 Yet if he is caught, he must pay sevenfold, though it costs him all the wealth of his house.
(NIV)

I have read other translations that say it even slightly different, but the basic idea here is we understand (not permit or accept!) the reality that a person steal when they are hungry, but when they do, they must pay back 7 times what they have stolen.

2. Who is the thief?
John 10:1
1 "I tell you the truth, the man who does not enter the sheep pen by the gate, but climbs in by some other way, is a thief and a robber.
(NIV)
John 10:10
10 The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy;
(NIV)

The thief is the devil, and those who do his work. He seeks to steal, and to incite others to steal.

3. Is the thief hungry?
1 Pet 5:8
8 Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.
(NIV)

He walks around hungry, looking for anything he can eat.

2 Tim 4:17
17 But the Lord stood at my side and gave me strength, so that through me the message might be fully proclaimed and all the Gentiles might hear it. And I was delivered from the lion's mouth.
(NIV)

Paul uses the concept of the Lions Mouth that was chasing him, and seeking to devour him as he shared the Gospel.

Rev 13:2
2 And the beast which I saw was like unto a leopard, and his feet were as the feet of a bear, and his mouth as the mouth of a lion: and the dragon gave him his power, and his seat, and great authority.
(KJV)

The beast has a mouth like a lion.

4. What is his food?
Gen 3:14
14 So the LORD God said to the serpent, "Because you have done this, "Cursed are you above all the livestock and all the wild animals! You will crawl on your belly and you will eat dust all the days of your life.
(NIV)

Gen 2:7
7 the LORD God formed the man from the dust of the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life, and the man became a living being.
(NIV)

Man is formed from the dust, and the enemy is cursed and forced to eat the dust all the days of his life.

5. The redemption-Summary
The enemy walks the earth like a hungry lion, seeking to steal and kill and destroy. His food is the dust of the earth, and he is ravenous. Mankind is made from the dust of the earth, and is essentially the enemy’s food.

The enemy prowls the earth looking to eat mankind. We understand this is the way it works. We know the routine. We all understand the enemy is seeking us out, to see if he can devour us. We don’t say it is ok, but we do know it is the way things work.
HOWEVER, when he is caught, he must repay back 7 times what he has stolen, even if it costs him everything.

Whatever the enemy has EVER stolen, time, money, faith, hope, love, intimacy etc… WHEN he is caught, he must pay back 7 times what he stole, even if it bankrupts him.
The foundation of Gods throne is Justice. As we bring the enemy before Him, we can ask for 7 times what has been stolen from us. It is Gods role to adjudicate, and then enforce the sentence.

Not only that, but we can extrapolate this concept, and ask for revelation of any place in our life we have been stolen from. As Holy Spirit reveals this to us, we go quickly to the JUST JUDGE, and start the process.

There is so much more to expand on. Think about Leviticus. Everything is set up that when something is stolen, we get more back than we lost. And on the other side, whenever we give, we get more back.

The economy of the Kingdom is geared to our benefit. And also the enemy’s. He knows these laws, and uses them against us. He accuses us in front of God, Jesus even uses a similar example about casting demons out, and them coming back with 7 OTHERS. It is as if the enemy gets cast out, but says “I had a RIGHT to be there, and I was kicked out unjustly. See they haven’t put anything back in there, so I have a right to go back, and bring more than what I lost!”

We must begin to rise up, and ask God to reveal to us anywhere we have stolen, admit it, repent, and ask for Grace. In Christ, we can stand in Gods court, and petition for justice where we have been stolen, until the enemy has to go oppress someone else because he keeps losing more than he gains. Then we start to GIVE, and we get even more return!

My Favorite Danie

Every time I see this picture, I think about how much I love and enjoy my wife. I cannot explain all of it, it is more a feeling.

I remember when God helped me realize certain things about loving like this. Im not saying I can actually love like this, but I catch pieces of it experientially. Its kind of like this:

Question: Why do you love your wife?
Answer: I just do.

See. I cannot tell you why. I can tell you that I do. And this is the key....

Do you notice that God NEVER says (that I can think of) "I love you because...."

In fact, I cannot think of one thing God says when He talks about Love that is qualified by the recipient.

What I do see is this: "I Love things ABOUT you like this....(ala Song of Songs)"

There are a lot of things I like/love about Danielle. I could list them, and spent some time recently in Kansas City with people who traded lots of them with me.

But now I think I see a little bit about God's Love. If He loved me because I was obedient, as soon as I failed, He wouldnt love me anymore. If He loved me because I was attractive, as soon as I got older, He would stop etc...

But He doesnt love me for a reason based on me/myself, only Him. I dont think He ever explains WHY, He just DOES. I can bless Him, and I can even ravish His heart, but He will always Love me because He does.

so as great as my wife is, and as many wonderful things there are about her, I think I get it more now than ever.



However, when it comes to "Why do you love her?". I just do.

I cannot beleive Im saying this...

Normally when I go to some place outside Los Angeles, I might experience a little more spiritual freedom. Or at least not as much spiritual resistance. Los Angeles has a certain atmosphere that can be hard to operate in for me.

Coming back from Las Vegas, I experienced a progressive clearing of the spiritual atmosphere like nothing I have experienced. The farther away I got, the more my head/heart cleared up.

Im actually relieved to be home. I need to come to grips with how immature and weak I am in my walk.

2 things I think I realized.

1. Las Vegas is so false, that as soon as any serious problem emerges, it will fold. You would think surviving in the desert like that would make people tough. I think because of the dependence on the immorality of people, they have become very wealthy and able to overcome the situation. Have a significant drought for instance, lasting a few years, and when water rationing goes real, that place will fold up and become a dustbowl.

2. The Christians who thrive there, will be able to thrive anywhere. To maintain a vigilant, open heaven in an environment like that (a spiritual desert) must form and create in people such an intense ability to persevere, they will be able to endure.


God can keep anyone from falling away, I see that better now. And by turning toward Him, we can thrive. Some people may end up very grateful they lived in that city (and many others around the world like San Francisco, New Orleans etc...). As things become more unstable, most of these beleivers are probably ging to laugh and enjoy the ride.

A Call to go to Las Vegas

Im in Las Vegas right now. Not for THE CALL, but because of a Call...

Im at a trade show for the woodworking industry, helping out where I can to sell the fledgling software I built. I have done this 3-4 times at a large trade show. Everyother year it is in Las Vegas, and opposite years it is in Atlanta.

I have always liked Vegas. Aside from all the ugly parts of it, frankly I enjoy gambling a little, I enjoy all the activity, and the food! I actually cry a little when I see the beauty of the Bellagio fountains at night, and some of the shows (Cirque Du Solieil) are just amazing. In fact the Mystere show was the closest things I have seen to some heavenly visions I have had!

This time though, Im hurting a little. As I flew in, I flew over Sam Boyd Stadium, and prayed over it as The Call is possibly going to be there soon, if it doesnt change venues due to the heat.

As you look down at this vast sprawl in the middle of nowhere, you begin to realize just how false this WHOLE place is. The volume of water used here is atrocious, and imported from the river. The eletricity is unreal. The amount of people here is amazing.

And the and prostitution! I had forgotten this part. As I walked down the street to a restaurant, I was inundated with flyers on the ground, and in news racks every block, with graphic pictures, and with my background I know exactly what is waiting inside these things.

What is odd is I have been able to ignore them all the other times, and actually just detatch myself from them. Heck, this year I even went to the BurningMan regional just down the highway, and had no issues (in fact I had a harder time in a prayer meeting when I got back, than I did around the Burners as far as wandering eyes and avoiding ).

What has changed? A lot of fasting and prayer this year. In fact most of the year. And hearing at The Call some of the massive percentages of affect immorality has had in the Body worked me. I have a terrible background in this, and have had a lot of healing, and being married and my soul feeding on intimacy (not just ual!) with a healthy woman has really insulated me from all of this for a good long time.

And so here I am (rambling), being inundated with this unreal volume of distortion, I find myself unable to see or understand how it is possible to get away from it. I watched a movie on TV, and even though it wasnt graphic, I felt like it was spoiling my mind, and grieving God. So as I changed the channel, there was something ont he channel that was so graphic (I think I realized later it is a cable show about a prostitution house in Nevada,and they were in the rooms...). I finally had to just turn everything off, curl up in my bed and try to sleep and avoid everything! I have no idea how to overcome in this. I have almost no ability to see how God wcan/will change this.

And when I did, I had dreams of casting out demons out of children, and things were coming out of me as well.

And so now? I go try to navigate eating food that wont kill me, and deal with a mass of humanity, in the middle of a place that is literally greiving the Spirit by its existence due to its tolerance and practice of overt immorality.

But the reality is, it is inside us all, and here they just broadcast it. It is supply and demand, and given the right situation, all of us would go for this in some way or another. And the Body is into it as well,a nd the flesh revels in this.

Try to make it to The Call Sept 1. Indoor, outdoor, wherever. At least stand in agreement with it. I think it is more symbolic than the other calls I have heard about. It strikes into the heart of the manifestation of immorality more than any other region, or city.

The Call

It was significant, yes. When God calls a meeting, and you wander around an unfamiliar city seeing tens of thousands of people, from lots of different places, all intentionally not eating, viewing media, and/or even more intense things than that, milling about hours before sitting 12 hours outside in 80+ degrees at 70+ percent humidity, you stopped playing games.

It was fun as well. The Body, in all its various forms, in one place, is profound. From the Jericho walkers walking around and around the stadium, to the busloads of young people with matching outfits proclaiming one commission or another (like "I was made for war"), to the shofar people, to the toungue talking/devil chasing/faith speaking bible belters, to the LIFE band wearing, tape across their mouths, silent siegers, you get a small glimpse of the tremndous diversity of the Body, and the delight of God.

It was hard. The heat was hard. The sitting and listening to people for hours talking about profound things until your head turns off. Coming to grips with the reality of the stench of pornography, child abuse, death, and murder in and out of the Body. The burden of Israel and the cup of trembling she is to drink much sooner than we wish, and the reality that although God loves us, He loves us enough to judge us. It is hard.

It was worth it.

Some neat things...

We didnt know Mike Bickle was really a burly, 40 foot tall football player.

8am in the Stadium



Afternoon



What Heaven looks like...

So whats it like?

People often ask me, due to the distinct privilege of spending time in the "inner circle" (more like "inner dodecahedron") of the Bohlender clan...

"Whats it really like to be around people like that?"

I will admit, there is a certain mystique about the "Familar de Bohlender", and to be as honored as I am, to occasionally pierce throguh the veil and see into the "chambers" as it were, I realized I needed to share some of the heady, surreal, and often times "high octane, code red" environment that people dont get to see.

Form follows Function

Please wait as I step up on my soapbox...

Often, function follows form. But that is wrong. God’s design requires function to be primary. The purpose of something is far more critical than the WAY something is carried out, excepting the characteristics of the form (i.e. Love)

God created man… why? To give Himself something. In fact I believe it was to make something He could give His Love and affection to. Literally the object of His affection. He wanted to share Himself in many ways and forms.

Therefore when Man was created, the form in which he was created was important as to the Function, not vice versa. God did not create a bunch of forms, and then find a function for them. We see time and time again that God has tremendous plans and intentions that make the apparent capriciousness of our experience a silly conclusion.

Mankind’s form was created exactly, fearfully, wonderfully to fulfill its function.

The Church is the same way. The Church exists for the Kingdom, and the Will of the King. Its Function is predetermined. But in common practice, the form of the church takes preeminence, and perpetuates itself often at the expense of the function.

What is the purpose of the Church? I believe it is clearly stated in Ephesians, and that is to demonstrate to the principalities and powers the work completed in Christ. But how?

So much attention is spent on how the church gathers, but in reality, the Church exists whether it gathers or not. The church depends on God for it’s function, and exists at the Will and Whim of God. The church gathered isn’t more the church than when it is not gathered. The function of the church, regardless of form, remains constant.

The form of the church is even less detailed. In fact, for the most part, the New Testament only describes attributes of behavior, and examples of how people gathered, but very little is stated about how one SHOULD gather. It simply says to gather, and when gathered, the chief characteristic should be evident as it should in an individual…. LOVE.

Everything fruitful comes from Love. Without it, nothing is fruitful But the Bible does not mention that you should gather in a particular way, doing specific things, and following a form (or format). Paul primarily addresses this in corporate settings, and most of his attention is centered on individual behavior, not style of form.

Why is this so important? Because Form is the only part we can control, and it is the main point we all fight and disagree about. It is the root cause of dissention and division, and has rendered the Body far more impotent than we think.

Every time I have a conversation about form (“Who are you submitted to? Who is your covering? Women cannot be teachers. What do you mean “God told you? We need more “worship”! We need more prayer!” etc…) in the place of function, it twists scripture, muddles the simplicity of the message of Christ, degrades the headship and unique position of Christ, and sets the focus on our convictions, rather than our purpose.

My purpose is ordained by God, and the form it takes must be subservient to the function. I should constantly be examining the form of what I do, let alone the characteristics, so that I make sure the function is still being carried out. Most people don’t even feel sure about their function, and therefore continue to behave more like small minded, petty, squabbling ushers in a movie theater with a flashlight than a Prince or a Princess of the Almighty King.

Once you KNOW your function, you will be secure enough to let the form follow the function. In fact, the form will become irrelevant as long as the function is accomplished.

At the risk (intentionally) of being offensive, stop it! All of us! Stop condescending to endless and vain debates with insecure people, about ridiculous topics, than simply keep you from fulfilling your simple and sure calling! Namely, to Know God more deeply. to experience and grow in HIm, and express this to everyone, especially invisible rulers and powers that look at you in shock and fear! Stop living beneath your high and glorious calling.

And I dont mean be "in full time ministry" If you dont realize you already are, then stop, go back to the basics, and ask God to show you this simple truth. You exisit at the Will and Whim of Lord Jesus. His thrill is to save you, deliver you, enjoy you, and then let you loose to do the same with any and everyone you meet, in the special unique way you were made.

So stop competing with your odd vision of being something or someone else. Stop debating about how you gather, and start being who and what you are. Examine the characteristics of HOW YOU BEHAVE, and what your MOTIVES are, instead of how long some well meaning man talked about a bible verse, or a guitar player played, or sister Sallys kids behaved.

I will now stop my rant and step down from my soap box.

So help me out here Part II

What does Love Your Neighbor mean?

Who is a neighbor? God defines it pretty clearly as the one nearest you. It is the “other” person. Not yourself. And you love them as (or how) you love yourself.

Forms of neighbor

Ultra-Local: Another person directly near me as an individual.
Examples: Good Samaritan, Healing works of Jesus,

Local: Other gathered corporate expressions of the Body.
Examples: The letter to the “Church at” instead of “ The leadership/pastor/elders at…” From Paul/John/Peter etc… to another group in another city.

Extra-Local: Other communities, cities, regions, areas
Macedonian churches giving to the other region through Paul.

Loving this neighbor, in whatever context, is a secondary commandment. It is important and vital to God only in context of the 1st commandment being fulfilled. To do this before, instead of, or without the 1st is to miss the whole point.

This action of loving our neighbor MUST and can ONLY come from intimacy with God in a Love Relationship. Clearly Gods heart is to reach out to us. By focusing on Him, we will become like Him, and take on His nature. This will inevitably lead us out, as that is where He goes.

Song 2:13-15
13 'The fig tree has ripened its figs, and the vines in blossom have given forth {their} fragrance. Arise, my darling, my beautiful one, and come along!'"
14 "O my dove, in the clefts of the rock, in the secret place of the steep pathway, let me see your form, let me hear your voice; for your voice is sweet, and your form is lovely."
15 "Catch the foxes for us, the little foxes that are ruining the vineyards, while our vineyards are in blossom."
(NAS)

Song 1:4
4 "Draw me after you {and} let us run {together!} The king has brought me into his chambers." "We will rejoice in you and be glad; we will extol your love more than wine. Rightly do they love you."
(NAS)

The Call

"I would like to ask each and every one of you to answer the call," Gore said.

Hmmmm.......

The Call was neat. It was more than that, but it is hard to explain. Although I understand the idea of sacred assembly a little, to be honest it was more like a festival to me. I mean fasting is good, and solemn prayer is good. But it is far too much fun to watch people from different tribes, nations, tongues etc... implore each other, repent to each other, firgive each other, and ask God for His mercy than most anything else I can think of.

I mean this. Halfway into the second hour Im thinking "But God, this is FUN...". LOL. I Like praying for Israel as a nation (and as 2 daughters) with 60,000 others. I ENJOY talking and hearing about Gods mercy, and intimacy. I LOVE being challenged and hearing a former abortionist ask forgiveness, and forcing my mind to accept that God has desired mercy in every way, in every thing.

We found ourselves at dinner Friday night with some of the most delightful people!!! As one man said "I see 4 families, from 3 different cities, gathered around 1 table, is an entirely different city". WOW. And all because God got our hearts somehow, and He gave us Grace to Love Him!

I mean this truly. I hope to see them all again like that, and wish I could spend days with them all. But it will be at MOST 60-70 years, and we will all be doing this again. At the most, I have to wait that long. And the stories we will tell one another by then.

Same thing with the Fathers Blessing Tent. I got the privilege of praying blessings and asking for foregivness as a father over people, total strangers. And the organizers hooked me up with 2 anointed older women (I guess I needed some more supervision than others), and we broke all the rules (not on purpose) and got all prophetic with people in context of blessing and repenting! It was WILD. 1 hours went by in what felt like 5 minutes. I was literally hanging on to the tent structure to stand at times, as the prescence was amazing. And as I left, I hugged them, and all I could say was "See you in heaven if I dont see you before!". And it is TRUE.

I dont understand all the prophetic dynamics about The Call. I dont know how things respond to this gathering, and all the bhind the scenes stuff int he heavens. But I know that now more than ever, I am grasping the eternal significance of things, and my heart is slowly getting pointed on the eternal.

Look ma Im on GodTV

I feel like Im in the midst of celebrities! I mean, I saw my favorite bass player in the whole wide world, Cassie from the team that Misty Edwards leads!! WOW. And other famous IHOP people, including our personal favorite from the end times conference, Kelsey. Im saying this all tongue in cheek of course, but it is funny.

There are TV cameras, sound gear, people people people, and PRAYER. The anointing is getting really strong, and as the sessions broke for lunch, the anpinting began to move around with all the people, it was amazing.

Seriously though it is kind of surreal. Im at the Rennaisance hotel visiting with dear friends, cherishing time with kids, and watching history in the making. Im hearing Dutch Sheets yelling about the tide turing after 40 years, thousands of people in prayer and travail, as I walk down the hallway to go to the bathroom. On the way, about 10 young, hairy, 20 somethings are casting a demon out of a young man.

At a normal conference, you might see 1500 people.I have seen at least 10,000, half of whom my wife knows. And you realize, after the 3rd bus drops off 50 16 year old kids from 600 miles away (or more) who have been fasting and oraying for 6 weeks, that when God calls for a gathering, it looks like an invasion.

At dinner, we had a tremendous time. 2 people I realized I needed to talk to about a burgeoning project God is starting up, both of who I like a LOT, end up at dinner with us. I had no clue they would even be there, let alone all at the same time we were, with the same people. There were 4 famiilies gathered around a table, from 3 different cities, in a totally different city, eating and laughing and talking 100 miles an hour. I realized that however odd this is, and fun, within 70 years at the latest, we will all be doing this again, perhaps daily, either in heaven, or literally on the earth.

My wife is amazing. I watched her hold baby Zoe for hours, sucking up all the baby time she could get. She is definitely in her element here. I feel so priveliged and caught by grace to even be here.

tomorrow, we sit in VERY hot and humid weather, with 100,000+ people, with one thing on their minds, CHANGE. Even my own children are here, by the gift of some kind person. My daughters are going to witness firsthand something that changed the atmosphere in the spirit. They will look back and say "I saw that, I was there".

Within the last week, both my daughters have been touched heavily for them by Holy Spirit,a nd committed themselves to Christ. And now, they are going to be put right in the middle on the largest prayer meeting to date, broadcast to over 400,000,000 people.

Its going to be wild.

SO Help Me Out Here... Part 1

There is a burgeoning "thing" going on in my life, that has been sitting fallow for a while. Te last 120 hours have been radical. As I go through this "download", I have been processing all sorts of stuff, and I am going to do it here, with the hope that while LOTS of this has already been engaged in lots of places, I have to wrestle this out and need feedback.

Part 1

The Nature/Expression of the Church

For this idea, the church can be thought to exist in 3 basic expressions:

Ultra-Local: The individual. This simplest and most direct expression of the Body of Christ is the believer. They are the “Ekklesia”, and are the Temple of God, His dwelling place.
Local: The corporate expression. Individuals gathered together. This is the most common paradigm of the church.
Extra-Local: The church within a geographical area, such as a city or in our case a county.

The Commandments:

Matt 22:36-40
36 "Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?"
37 Jesus replied: "'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.'
38 This is the first and greatest commandment.
39 And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'
40 All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments."
(NIV)

The primary commandment is to Love God. Being primary, it MUST be done BEFORE any other one, in fact it must be done at the expense of any others. To do any other thing before doing this, is to be in the wrong place, doing the wrong thing, for the wrong reason. All other things, as good as they are, must be subordinate to this one thing.

An additional thought is to do the 2nd, we must do the first. It would be impossible to do the 2nd in truth without having done the 1st. But having done the 1st, even giving a cold cup of water to someone becomes the 1st.

What does Love God mean?

Love means more than an action in this verse. It is talking about all of the resources, intents, feelings as well as actions. It implies an ongoing, all encompassing idea, not a periodic, event oriented concept.

In addition, this says nothing about classic ideas like “worship” (what I will call expression), “giving”, “study” etc… It is talking about the motives, intents, and paradigms underneath all those activities.

It is talking about a Love Relationship.

Dont just pray...

This am as I was trying to slow down the waking up process, I waspraying and thought about the fact that all these crazy people are fasting and praying for a breakthrough coinciding with The Call on 7/7/07.

A really ODD thing is my wife was going. then my exwife called and said someone had wanted to pay for and send her and my kids. Whoever they are, God will You please rain affection down upon their heads every day of my kids life!

Anyhow, since I dont have to stay home, as my kids will be gone, I have decided to go as well. Honestly, I want to support the Call, but I dont feel really connected to it. I love the idea, but it hasnt hit a place in my heart at all. Im not opposed to it,a nd I am for it, not just in a real deep way.

anyhow, the girls told us that they are fasting TV at their moms house, so Danie and I decided to join them in that, as well as fast and pray ourselves. It has had its usual fits.I dotn like fasting, but I need it. As soon as I start any fasting things start cranking up, good and bad. More dreams, more revelation, more anxiety, more anger, more physical confusion. Conviction of my lack of appropriate fathering, remembering times of hunger and visitation, and wondering what happenned.

Today as I was laying there, I realized how much prayer etc.. has gone on, and wouldnt it be a good idea to RECEIVE it? I mean, prayer will work itself out in the world, but my most powerful times in GOd have been when I placed my heart/spirit in an open place, and simply received. SO I did.

I simply began claiming and receiving the prayer going forth by all these thousands of crazy people, praying and fasting. And I add my prayers in too. But I believe it is important for us to consider that we should make willful effort to receive prayer, to drink it in, instead of waiting for it to hit us.

As I stand in agreement, Im not jsut praying for some "other". Im praying for me too, and Im going past just sitting there, Im going to try and open my spirit and receive it NOW. Try it and let me know if it changes anything.

What I am learning from my Dog

See I have never been a "dog person". In fact my exposure to friends getting dogs turned me off so bad I swore I would never get one.

But then I watched "The Dog Whisperer", and I realized it is possible to have a dog, and the dog not run your life. Eventually, the kids and my wife wore me down until we got one.

And now, he is teaching me a lot. Especially about being a father, which is interesting as he isnt a human. But he and I spend most of the day together. He will literally follow me around, and wherever I stop, he will stop and fall asleep. When I work, he comes over and sleeps under my chair, when I go eat, he sits on my feet and eventually falls asleep. PEriodically he makes me stop and play with him, because he is bored and needs attention. Other times he jsut simple jumps up on my lap and gathers as much affection as he can.

I have realized that eve3n though some ares of my parenting are good, I am woefully short on many things. I have been convicted lately that I doubt seriously my kids have a right perception of God as Abba based on my example.

Im far too impatient, far to absorbed in things, far too reactive. I dont seek to serve my kids at every turn, nor do I strive to make my affection known to them. Almost everything they ask of me has to be evaluated, and even though they persist, it is more because they want something than they believe I want to give them good things.

I choose to beleive all these things about God, but I dont act like them. This means I dont really believe them about God, because I dont "live by" them myself.

But Zebulun (his name means habitation or visitation interestingly enough) constantly comes to me expectantly. He WANTS to be with me where I am, and every need he has he makes it clear right away without reservation. He has tremndous "faith" if we can call it that. And that faith seems to provoke me. It seems to pull out things inside my heart, and I end up showering affection and protection on him.

I need to repent of the things in my heart that have kept me from doing that with my own children. I can explain why and how they arent there. There are reasons, and I wont ever be perfect, but if God is putting His finger on this, it must be because He wants to release something more in me. And I have a very short time to bear fruit in keeping with repentance. Im excited.

The Idolatry of Revival

I am perceiving a dangerous, and age old dilemma...

Loving ANYTHING more than God is idolatry. This include the workings of God. We know this, but we do not realize how subtle this is. I am feeling scared and shocked at how simply and easily communities fall into this over and over again.

As I pray with a community, I hear them continually return to asking God to move in their area, do signs and wonders, change the hearts etc...

Yet these people exhibit very little maturity in fellowship with God. They are wonderful. They are the object of Gods affection. God is seeking htem out. It isnt a critique of judgement. But it is a problem. A big problem.

God has shown me a few times the underpinnings of this. The symbols are shocking. The results are grotesque. And the consequences are ugly.

God does NOT want us standing before His throne at the end, and account for misusing and misrepresenting Him. If He gave us anything close to what we ask, we run the very real danger of getting caught up into secondary, lesser loves. And we wouldnt know it or see it coming.

I dont want revival. I want to want Him. Revival without Him SUCKS. It is inferior. It isnt fruitful. The Body coming back to life and then going off somewhere other than right to His feet in fellowship witholds from Himt he fruit of His labor, and leads us into worse behavior than being dead.

Singularity Video

Had to post this. It is short, but fun.

Singularity Update

We just got back from Singularity/Dark Skies the regional BurningMan gathering for the California/Nevada area.

This is my first time at any event connected with BurningMan, even though my friend, my wife, and my other friends have gone. I remember hearing and seeing the pictures and the stories and falling in Love with the whole idea, and the people I saw.

I believe that I connect much easier to these folks than anyone else I know. While it is true that the events themselves create and artificial "bubble" of community, the reality is the creative expression, silly playfulness, and proclivity towards non traditional paradigm makes these people far more approachable than many of the people I am around regularly.

That being said, this event was a little disappointing. I think that Todd and I might have missed most of it by leaving on Saturday, but this event was more a desert party than anything else. For the most part, it was devoted to intoxication and exhibitionism rather than the radical self expression and art that is so central to the main event in Aug/Sept.

But I still met some wonderful and lovely people. One girl was so interesting to talk to. She is in her post graduate studies for modern anthropology, with a focus on the psychology. Talk about an amazing laboratory to work in! And the 2 gals that came over form the Pyro Pirate Porno dome were just so awesome.

I leanred that it is so much harder to drop all agendas, and simply LOVE and BE with people it is daunting. It rendered me down and exposed the gap between my immaturity and the Spirit of Loves intentionality.

Love loves because it is Love, not as a means to an end. Love itself is far more complex, sufficient, effective, and awesome than we know. It is the power of transformation, and yet it isnt trying to transform you. It is trying to give you the experience of itself. When we take Love, and try to use it for something, it becoems something else than Love, and then it fails. Love itself never fails, but when we twist it into any agenda, it stops being true, and fails.

I have loads of ideas now about who I am. The Spirit of Love came to me at 5 am Friday morning, and as I watched the sun come out, I heard this:

"When I formed you, I couldnt have done a better job. I did my best when I made you"...

For those of you who personally know the excellence of Love, you know how incredible this is. Despite all the experiences of failure I have, I am perfectly made. I may not be perfect in practice, but I am perfect in design.

There are many things more I experienced, but they dont seem to be something easily described in mere words. I look forward to going tot he main event with my wife, and doing something more personal, and directly loving. I know that I love to make people food and spoil them. I struggled with it this event, as I had no experience. Now I have some ideas and a better view. I want to feed people lots of little finger foods, gathering them around a communal table in the midst of the desert, and enjoy them, and the perfection of their intentional design.

Take off eh Part Deux!!!!

I had a great time up north. The people were friendly, and the town of Lethbridge was quite a quaint place.

I like this picture because it was May 9th, at 8:30 pm, and the sun was still quite high. This far north really changes things.





This is the casino that took all my fun money, plus my other money, plus some of my food money…. Well not really but close.








This is dedicated to Kerri, our short comedian friend who tells tall tales about stealing personal hygiene products from hotels The hotel I stayed in was so sophisticated, the products themselves actually told me what to do, and how to do it, like CLEANSE, SOFTEN, SCRUB. The main problem I have now is certain things are far softer than I anticipated, and my sense of taste and smell has been greatly impacted for the worse.








This pillows explain themselves, and have an odd parallel to my marriage. Ill let you guess who is who.

I wish I could claim that this picture had intentional prophetic implication, but it was purely by accident.






My kids might honestly force me to come back with them purely for the thrill of a hotel with a waterslide INSIDE it. For most of the country, this is not odd, for us in California, this is weird.


I had some more problems here…





As I was getting “interviewed” (I didn’t bring my birth certificate, and they wanted to make me feel sorry for it) an alarm went off. Literally, the man talking to me dropped what was in his hands, and turned and RAN to the edge of the building, along with every other law enforcement present. I don’t think I have ever seen people react so quickly en masse as that.

I had no clue what to do, and so I made sure to stand a still and quiet as possible. My mind was racing with the reality that someone was crashing the border, and the people who were my only hope of getting in the USA to catch my flight to go home were now on “high alert” ready to defend, protect and serve me. But all I really wanted was to get going.

It didn’t occur to me then, but does now that would have been the perfect time to pick up my key and drivers license, and quietly walk out, get into my car, and drive off!!!

Had things gone bad, and an “incident” occurred, I could have been stuck in the middle of a nightmare. I want you all to know I was ready to do my part and defend the town of Sweetgrass Montana, and the whole entire US of A from any and every threat, especially from (as it turns out) Canadians who follow directions, and dive just a few feet further than they were supposed to (like 10) for a vehicle inspection!!! Those darn Canadians almost declared war, and I was willing to “take one for the team”. I was seconds away form taking my Jaclyn Smith Charlies Angles pose and shoot at something.

Take off eh!!!!

So I was on my way to Lethbridge, Alberta Canada...

I flew into Great Falls, Montana. What a pretty place. I havent seen this much sky and space outside of being in the ocean. We flew in over the Grand Tetons, and then into this tremendous prarie. It was green and lush, and had these awesome mountains/bluffs in the distance. I was right on the Missouri River, which is odd, because I am so far West.

As I drove, I tried to take pictures, but they dont seem to do justice.

But an odd thing ahppenned when I got to the border. I guess not having a birth certificate is a bad thing. As dumb as that is, becuase it sure would be easy to forge one.

It seems Canada doesnt like the idea of people coming accross the border doing work for Canadian Companies. Despite NAFTA, it is a big no no to do work someone in Canada could be doing. However, I told the nice man in the bulletproof vest in a SECURE building, that as the owner of the company, I was confident I had not ever certified anyone in Canada to train or support my software, and would he please beleive me.

He did ask if there was anything else I was planning on doing in Canada, and after I informed him about my desire to paly poker and smoke cuban cigars (both TOTALLY legal here), he signed a yellow slip and let me in!!!!

The only problem will be getting out, or in esscense back in to the US.

Where is Randy Bohlender when someone needs him? He could blog so much about this whole adventure, especially because he grew up in a place that looks JUST LIKE this.....

Laying Fallow

Fallow ground is usually interpreted as negative. However, letting land "lay fallow" is a good thing in both agricultural terms, and within context of the Sabbath rest commanded.

When land lays fallow, 2 things happen. Nutrients fall on the surface.
Leaves, debris, snow, water etc... collect. As well, grasses grow, and some grasses have extremely deep roots (alfalfa has roots that can go 20-30 feet!). Thos roots draw nutrients up to the surface, from deep places.

Then the process of turning over the earth happens. In order to sow seeds into a soft, and receptive place, the earth has to be plowed, essentially taking the first 12-18 inches and flipping it over. As that happens, all the nutrients get out under the surface, and all the bacterial life and such under the surface get exposed to sunlight and air.

Then the seed is sown into a good place, with nutrients and accessible ground. Then a harvest.

The time span between laying fallow and a harvest can be at LEAST 2 growing seasons, sometimes more. The time of resting, the time of getting plowed, the time of sowing, and the time of harvest.

Some of the things we pray now, are part of one of those seasons, and the harvest of it could be a year or 2 away, and the experiences in between the prayer and the harvest could be totally different than the burden you experience during the prayer.

Don't be confused. Faith is what keeps us within the context of the original prayer. But there is another issue here...

When we see people, and desire to call them out into something (unfortunately it is usually somehting on our agenda or personality) we MUST learn the difference between someone being passive, and someone actively laying fallow.

The passive person is usually full of any combination of guilt, self hatred, fear, discouragement, brokenness, rejection, condemnation etc... and the message to get up and do something, and be something just sounds like one more condemning message, one more expectation being placed on the shoulders of someone who has experienced so much frustration and failure already, that is is at best useless, at worst, ensuring even more passivity.

What God showed me they need is to be bright to a place of truly knowing God is with thim IN the place they are at. The care and concern, and the true personal advocacy of Holy Spirit right in and alongside the place a person finds themselves. God with them, regardless of whether they EVER take a step out of that place.

The person laying fallow, needs to be blessed and affirmed that they are doing the right thing, and are obedient. We MUST make room for people in this place in life, and even encourage others to follow that example as God leads.

Not discerning the times rightly in peoples life leads to tremendous heartache when you try to minister to them. I am watching very well intentioned people stepping out in their own personalities and gifts, urging people to get active, for the most part because thats where their own soul is at. My concern is that by moving out in the flesh like this, we can run the risk of sticking our fingers into other peoples lives and combat the very things God is doing.

Beginning to get a picture

As I obsess over the immediate....

My mind was really occupied yesterday about the morning experience. It is an interesting thing, perhaps even a quirk. I can get very consumed with something, and until I get through enough of it, I cannot let go.

There have been several significant ingredients in this soup I find myself in:

1. My experience at The Well. This was very ugly for the most part, however several dreams, encounter with God, and deep healing sessions helped separate the ugly and bad things from the reality of what God meant. I am sure God knew it all would happen, and took advantage of my will to provide ways of healing and deliverance for me through all this.

2. My subsequent process of letting go of any and all preconceptions about God, the Church, the Bible, etc... and stepping back. I then began to seek God about what HE says, not about what I had been "taught". Im all for teaching, receive the gift of it, heck I even DO that on a regular basis with my own business. But in Scripture it is PERFECTLY CLEAR that the Holy Spirit leads us into all truth. To ignore that is to do so at my own peril. It is far too easy for me to all others to tell me what they think (or even what they think they know!) and integrate that into my beliefs. Instead, I needed to repent of that, and start over. I probably should do that more often.

As I did, I really got confronted with my own idolatry. And it hurt! But as I went through that, I began to feel more and more free. In fact I began to see how so much of that stuff I had been taught mixed with my own inherent brokenness really facilitated the dysfunctions I experienced. My choices were all MY OWN FAULT, however the unholy marriage of my own choices, coupled with a willing system that provides a fantastic structure for dependence and dependent relationships, really got bad.

3. My prior experiences at "Churches". While I believe that 99.9% of my experiences were with well meaning, sincere people, I got a vastly different picture of what and who the Body is, and how it is supposed to work than what I see in basic scripture, let alone in the deeper ways to study cultural and original language to get past the inherent biases of interpreters. Wow. I dont recall seeing anything truly related to NT practice outside of the multiple dinners we all used to have with each other, and some slight stirrings of Holy Spirit.

4. One other thing that is beginning to come up to the surface is my previous experience within the Church growing up before I left it to pursue the world. I didn’t think much about this as it is so long ago, and I was so young. However, I think the hyper-religious envirnoment my poor parents were exposed to has some bearing on my frustrations within the Body at large. I might actually be working out something far outside my generation!

5. My good friend Randy Bohlender (who no longer BLOGS!!!! at least publicly) told me something a few years ago as I was twisting and writhing pulling out of a season of purging and healing that he felt God was going to do something in the future that would surprise me, and put me in a place where I would be dealing with this stuff.

6. I just started another fast/pray cycle, and this issue is immediately in my face.

So anyway, as I stumble around in this place, trying to get a picture of what God is saying and leading me into (or not leading me into), I have gobs of revelation and experiences that prove it is by no means accidental, or self created. It is all part of tremendous work God is doing to make me more intimate with Him, and more fruitful!

Im so confused?

What an interesting day so far (it is 10:03 am).

I woke up and went to a prayer meeting at a local group. From time to time, as God leads, I will go and pray. I started going about 3-4 weeks ago with a really strong word from God. I have been praying for this group off and on (mostly off) for about 18 months. Here is some back story:

I believe God made it clear to me that He was going to visit them. It was exciting! And in the midst of that, He rebuked me quite well. He looked at me and said "Im going to go visit them, want to come?" and I said "No", and He said "Ok" and turned and walked away. And He turned back to look at me over His shoulder. I realized that I was missing something somehow...

My history with this group, or at least some of the individuals, goes back almost 15 years. I love them, and care about them. But in my broken travels, I have come to some rather different perspectives about the nature of "The Church" and How it gathers, and Why etc... So for me, "attending" church doesn’t even compute any longer. In fact, at first, I was so disconnected from all the process and the language and the environment, I really felt out of place when Iwent to see what God was doing.

But I realized I should go and see what God was doing. He showed me through some very significant experiences that He was indeed going to move among that particular group, and that they were fairly unaware. They have lots of input about it, but for the most part, didn’t seem to realize the depth of the situation is, or at least on a different way than I did.

So I began to pray for them etc... and it became very hard. The "culture" of "Church" can be so varied that it can be a real impediment to connection. As well, I have my own baggage like everyone else, and I also prefer smaller, more flexible environments.

Anyhow, I burned out. I couldn’t take the conflict between what I saw God wanting to do and doing, and the actual situation. I simply don’t have the character or the temperament to really help or be fruitful, and really backed down.

Then God broke me during a recent fast, and I heard about this prayer group, and figured it was a good place for me to participate. Then I started getting so much revelation, and for the most part it was so well received, I actually blew a few circuits, and began to dominate the prayer meeting!!! UGGGHHHH. But thankfully, a little help and input from an old friend helped me stabilize.

This a.m., I really wanted to bring an IHOP CD for one of the men facilitating it, because I felt like it would help give some perspective on different types of intercession, especially long lasting, constant intercession. But I have given all of them away. When I got there, someone had brought one! WOW. And it was a hit.

Within minutes, people are really connecting with a flow. At one point I had to go cry a little, because it felt like I was releasing a little of a burden I had been carrying around for them.

Anyhow, someone came and asked me about IHOP, and as I explained to them, they asked me about hot people facilitate this type of thing. We talked about it, and they asked if it was something I could do. I’m fairly confident in what God has given me, and I have some experience on a basic level with similar things, so I explained I could in certain ways.

Then a conversation began that just unwound me. The question about "How committed to this church are you?", "How do you fellowship?" etc... and the view of submission, what that means etc... This is all happening within a prayer meeting! LOL.

I was so out of my head, all I could do is give some simple ideas about where I am at. It had been such a long time since I have had to think and articulate about all this, I found myself at a loss. Pat Terminology doesn’t help, how deep do we have to dialog, scripture references etc...

I am really confused. I think. I have had to go through such a reprogramming about what the Church is, How it works, what leadership is, what servanthood is, the nature of submission etc... But it doesn’t gel with the very part of the Body I have been given a burden for.

I don’t know how to navigate all this. I have at least 5-6 people who at any minute can call me up and tell me "You are out of line" and call me on something. Is that "submission"? I have deep relationships with people that know everything good and bad, and we talk regularly. Is that "accountability"? I have yet to have the wonderful experience of "mentoring", but I would love to have some input from someone farther on than me on a regular basis. I believe I should submit to everyone out of Love for Christ, not just a special thing for someone who has been appointed a "leader". I look for how to submit in any given situation, first to God, and then to however He is leading.

I don’t want to ever subjugate the preeminence of Christ as Head of the Body to myself, let alone to anyone else. I don’t want to ever get caught in another situation where the leading of the Holy Spirit in the life of a believer is put up for grabs by men. Christ died for the individual, not anything else. To inject myself in that Holy relationship seems inconsistent with Scripture.

And I’m not a person looking for a mission. I’m not a resource waiting to be used by someone. I’m not a man looking for a purpose. In fact most of my calling has to do with those outside the Body, at least that is what has been made clear to me lately. I don’t know how long that will be.

Anyhow, I find myself really stumped. The only real thing I’m concerned about is following HIM. If he is saying "I don’t care about their structure, I don’t care about the details" then I should too. But I don’t understand what that means about how I am supposed to help and encourage and participate, if at all.

Easter Music

I realized that of all the holidays, Easter really is the most defining. It is called the culmination of the "Christian Calendar", and I think that makes sense. But in reality, like all these holidays, I should be living it everyday, rather than just thinking about it once a year, and making it a big deal.

I sat down and meditated and prayed out the imagery of Christ Risen, and Glorified. I had to picture it, and I felt Him help me. My goal is just to focus myslef, and connect with the reality of this.

Feel free to listen and participate. Stretch your imagination. Dont just sit and let some institutional structure initiate a ritual. Take that, and build on it. Ask for help, and see HIM.

http://www.brokenbreadmusic.com/Easter-2007.mp3

Right click, save as.....

Odd Thoughts and Ends

I listened to a few preachers the other day and as I contemplated what they said, other thoughts came to mind.

1. When Satan tempted Eve, there was far more to this than we think. His message to her essentially was "God knows when you eat this, you will be like Him, and He doesn’t want you to have that. He is holding back from you".

I would add that he made that claim by his own twisted personal experience! He could have easily followed up with "I know firsthand, because He held that back from me, even though I was the chief worshipper. I spent all of my creation in His Presence, giving Him glory and all that He asks, and yet after all that service He held back from me all the good stuff, all the reward."

This is to a woman who was experiencing complete and perfect fellowship with God. Literally the very thing she was made for. It couldn’t have gotten any better for her, only more mature. There wasn’t anything or anyway for her to have more than what she had, because God had given her HIMSELF.

I think it can even go farther than that, but perhaps you get the picture. I think of friends, acquaintances, loved ones etc... who are hoping for things, and chasing things, and I cannot help but think about the pain of feeling let down, or withheld from, or that elusive "IT" that they believe God isn’t going to ever give them. And some will look at years of service or works etc... and secretly get angry over why they don’t get their "payoff".

And even deeper under this is the idea that I simply want to be directing my own life. That there is something better and beyond, and if I could just grab it, I could somehow be better off. It creates a vicious cycle of hoping in falsehood, and not being right here, right now, and engaging God for where I am at.

2. We have explained the warning of Jesus at the end "Depart from me I never knew you" as a scary thing. How can people truly raise the dead, and heal the sick etc... and not know God? And our answers are typically consistent with whatever theology we have at the moment (intimacy, lack of intimacy, authority in the Name of Christ vs. relationship, 7 sons of Sceva etc...).

Recently hearing something a man preached about, I realized we have an example in Scripture that hints at it. When the disciples were sent out, they came back saying "Wow Jesus, even the demons submit to us IN YOUR NAME". These people were not born again, had not been forgiven of their sins in the classic sense we all know (Christ had not been crucified), they didn’t have the indwelling of the Spirit. and yet they all keyed off the Name of Christ being the sufficient power to do everything.

Now the metaphor breaks down because they were walking with Jesus, literally. However, Jesus, full of joy, is thrilled at the results. And He reminds them not to get their identity from the works of the Kingdom, but the relationship they have with the King.

We hear this preached as some kind of rebuke, and yet Jesus was so full of joy the words underneath imply leaping and rejoicing. He was excited that God was now releasing the same ministry to the world that He Himself had begun. All He wanted to do is make sure they weren’t lost in the works, but rooted in the identity of being loved and called and connected to Him.

Is it possible God even directs people, in HIS OWN NAME, to do the works of the Kingdom, and yet knows full well they simply have no interest in Him? At the end of the Age we see people claiming to have literally done the works of the Kingdom, and yet Christ explains to them they are not a part of Him.

To go too far is wrong here. God doesn’t tempt people with sin, but I think the idea comes through.

Why does all this matter? I think for me it matters because it reveals an undercurrent of work (flesh) that desires to get my life under my control, to get what I’m afraid is being held back from me, and the potential to go off and use power and revelation etc... for my own, and then slowly but surely migrate away from relationship with Christ is a reality. In fact, the more work, and the more revelation, the more I might be tempted to grasp it myself.

Stop Coasting....

I have recently got reaccquainted with a burden and a word from God about a group of people, and I recorded something as way to try and contribute to them. I also feel like if anyone would benefit from this, they are free to use it as any help they might have for prayer, or simply praying along with.

It is important to know that I dont consider words more powerful than music per se.... I try to communicate what I need to to God, and what I think God is communicating, and sometimes words are good, mostly declarative. I listened to this today on a long car ride, and at times, some of the bell sounds I could feel picking away at pockets of my heart. So please ask the Spirit to interact with you, and interact with Him using your imagination, and agree and declare right along with anything.

If you are coasting, you are going downhill...

Right click and save as.

As usual, the disclaimer.... It isnt professional, isnt meant to be, and if you have a theological problem with anything I say, pray about it and ask God to bring me into more of His truth.

Blessings....

http://www.brokenbreadmusic.com/coasting.mp3

So much provision

It all started with a prophetic word... about finances.

Watching the OneThing conference live on GodTV, Mr Bickle says (1st person God style) "I want integrity in your finances, I will be gentle with you".

I was touched. Most people (myslef included) would assume I have some integrity in finances. I try to be really carefule about how I conduct it, and definitely stay within the spirit of the laws etc...

But I realized some of my recent activities, while not illegal, were not consistent with what God wanted. And to change them right at that moment (Dec 28/29th) would be impacting financially, and make it difficult to do what was needed.

But I took the plunge. And then I started a fast. Because I realized I had gone from someone who could empty his bank account on an impression, who could see money as a simple tool, to who had seen God provide over and over again, to someone hardened, and fearful, and planning in my own strength. And I needed to get softer.

Within 2 weeks, I lost most of my main income. We were walking into a house that was in serious fix up need, and we thought we could get it for a song. As we walked in, I got a call on my cell, and it ended up being a call telling me I no longer had a job with a company, and lost several thousands a month.

And then a funny thing happenned. I felt as if God were repositioning me. I had felt like I had made a wrong choice in going to work with these people when I did. and I felt relieved. And a little shocked. I flet like it had been coming for a while, and it turns out they had too.

Since then, I realized we are in better shape than anyone would imagine. I think God kept us from buying a house, because by all indicators since then, the market isnt even close to the bottom. Master SOlutions is no picking up a little. Im back into the mode I had been for years, and it seems to be working.

Then at the end of the fast, God visits! I wasnt expecting this. I was fasting for a softening of heart. He comes and explains all sorts of things to me, how I am wired, why, what He wants me to do. All sorts of leadings and thoughts for years begin to make sense. And He re-prioritizes my life in a strange way.

I know many who have had seemingly opposite experiences. Im not saying this as if to say this is how it should be, but many things are being activated, and God is not just fulfilling things, He is being far more generous than I even realize. He is winning my heart again, and encouraging me to soften up and let Him work. I give Him an inch, and He takes a mile.

There have been other, very hurtful things that have happenned recently. Accusations of awful things, and trials we have gotten to go through. And yet I keep feeling HIM leading us. He is so much more than I deserve.

BrokenBread Music Pt 2

Im going to post here when we upload new music to brokenbreadmusic.com.

Why?

I dont know. Why do I even have a blog? But anyhow, as I record music, and prayer, I figure someone may want to useit for themselves, and stand in agreement with it and it might facilitate them as well.

It isnt well polished music. Intentionally. I dont like produced music usually. I dont like songs, I just like expression and creativity. I think it helps other non musicians out there connect and participate.

Anyhow, here are links to the songs I have,a nd will add more soon. I ask for any prayer and encouragement as the last week and a half God has been visiting me and showing me things, and it has a lot to do with music like this in public arenas. I have dreamed about it for years, and it is finally getting more and more concrete. It is daunting, and I can already feel the tension in my flesh, and in my family. I dont know how to navigate this stuff, and how to relax with it. So I will stumble around, make big mistakes, and get back up, and keep going on being loved and cared about until I am consistent with what HE wants.

You can right click on these and save them to your hard drive. They are mp3 formats and work well in Media Palyer, or winamp, or itunes etc...

http://www.brokenbreadmusic.com/02-18-07.mp3
Danie asked me to record something for her to listen to in the car.

http://www.brokenbreadmusic.com/09-26-06.mp3
Dont remember this one.

http://www.brokenbreadmusic.com/8-20-06.mp3
Or this one

http://www.brokenbreadmusic.com/ABigPicture.mp3
This was my need for God to give me a bigger vision/picture than my immediate situations. Looks like it was in Sept, so here I am 5 months later as it is getting answered.

http://www.brokenbreadmusic.com/GraceNeeded.mp3
Doesnt everyone need Grace?

http://www.brokenbreadmusic.com/justalittlemorerevelationmp3.mp3
I just want a little more revelation of HIM. I want to be changed just a little more. I want to be REPROGRAMMED!

Barrel Full 'o Grace

Danielle said she was rpaying for me the other night in bed, and she saw a picture of me. I was totally surrounded by a tremndous wall of Grace. She said the wall was very powerful, and that outside that wall there were lots and lots of darts coming at me. So many, that it would be scary.

I beleive it. There seems to be a sense of purpose and being carried right now. I would be devastated if the attacks were getting through. I just simply have to confess I dont have any ability to stand well. I so desparately need Grace it is almost offensive to me. Im right at that fleshly edge of despising myself for being so weak, except for the knowledge that I beleive that is the reality of our existence!

So waht is the first thing that comes to mond about a wall of Grace? Think about it, and get a picture of it.....

Got one yet?????

Here is how Danielle described mine to me. It is like a barrel, all around me, and I can only see about 6 inches in front of me! It isnt this big, beautiful, glowing, Angels singing, wall of fire thing. It is a simple humble barrel that is surrounding me, holding of the darts of my enemy. Im hoping it is a wine barrel, or a balsamic vinegar barrel, or a congac one, because I really like those things. My protection is a heavenly vinegar barrel.

"Here Sean, I love you. Wear this, and run through that field over there into your destiny. Gor for it, and DONT HAVE TOO MUCH FUN!!!!!"

HA! That is great. Our flesh runs with grandiosity. But my provision from God, My Father and My King, is a big thick barrel. Im even shaped like a barrel myself! And all I can guess is Im trudging through a wave of darts, and if I saw how many, or any farther than 6 inches, I would probably stop, sit down, and cry.

Isnt God GOOD? Isnt He so GENEROUS? Isnt He FAITHFUL? Grace to YOU right now in our Lord Jesus Christ.

How Sad?

It is with deep regret and joy that I now admit that the Bohlender/Steeno candidacy is over. Having gained momentum, they have decided that it would be a perfect time to quit.

Im both happy and sad. I so looked forward to being backward.

Bohlender/Steeno in 08

I would like to officially endorse a candidate for the 2008 Presidential Election.

Randy Bohlender has announced his choice for running mate, and has come up with a catchy slogan. These two things put him bald head and shoulder above any candidate already out there, and I think that is just ducky. Here are some things we know, or have heard, or just plain made up about his platform:

1. He has no party affiliation, but he likes a good party.

2. He believes in a strong bi-partisan gridlock, effectively bringing the government to an effective standstill allowing those of us who care the ability to truly engage self government the old fashioned way.

3. He is a staunch advocate for reducing our dependence on foreign ethanol. He has a plan to mix gasoline with it in order to help wean us off our deadly addiction to foreign "E".

4. He believes in relative Global Warming, especially in northern latitudes.

5. He doesn’t accept the argument that people are born skippers, but that they make choices to engage skipping, and can refrain if they wish. I have personally seen video tape with him interviewing the founder of the pro-skipping movement, and while I saw him "skip" he actually didn’t "inhale". Information can be found here

6. I did hear the phrase "World Peace through Aerobics" in his campaign headquarters, however most of his people looked like they are not members of any gym.

7. While rumors abound about his affiliation with a “Gun Club” there is no public evidence, and his position on gun control has yet to be determined, we do know that candidate Bohlender seriously opposes giving live ammunition to stupid people, effectively opening a door to true gun control.

All I can say is wow. I think Randy Bohlender provides a clear vision for homeo-politco-stasis, and is like a great bottle of wine: busy yet precocious, absurd yet flaccid, cheap, and full bodied. The Henrys urge you to join the campaign, and really constipate the wonderful federal republic we enjoy today.

You know you have the best family when...

on Wednesday you just looked at putting an offer on a house and getting preapproved for a mortgage, and then immediately you find out that you are losing your day job, and then find out Thursday that its all done by Friday and you got 2 weeks of income.

WOW.

And you know you have the best family when your wife lets you just lay your head on her chest, and she strokes your hair and the starts praying and telling God thagt she is not afraid and that He is the provider. And then she tells you she is confident, and believes in you. And the jokes about how great it is to marry a guy and 3 months later watch him get laid off!

Then you tell your kids, and your new wife comes in and sits down and you all discuss it and it turns into a learning lesson about how we trust God to lead us to the grass, and we have to bend down and eat it.

I have a woman in my life that is beyond worth. I cannot imagine what it would be like to get broadsided like this without her. And my children look at us, and trust us that things are ok, because they dont see stress and tension and fear.

Who can ask for more than that?

Go Faster Go

God is gracious, and He is helping me with this process of decomposition. As hed led me to deny certain things, He is helping me process the results.

Raw Food was easier this time than ever, but my energy level has taken some serious swings. The last few days I developed some problems in the back of my throat and tongue which hurt, but the real issue was total lack of energy. All I could do yesterday was lay around. I slept a little, worked a little, but all in all the day went by with me laying on a couch. Not tired in a sleepy way, tired in a weak way.

Today seems better. God also led me to remove some season Passes on my Tivo of things I really enjoy. I figured it must not be worth it for me if God is saying stop it.

GodTV has been a huge thing. I normally dont connect with "christian" TV, but the content on this channel is fantastic. And there really is a tangible anointing on a lot of the pieces. I seriously encourage you to watch it either online or via DirectTV, and then I encourage you to support it.

So if God asks me to give up some things, or remove some things, it isnt because He doesnt want me to have some things. I am guessing He is removing props that I rely on that allow me to stay hard hearted. For some people, these things arent the issue, for me maybe they are. I read recently in a book how this man realized he was like a crowded city, and nothing could be added unless something was removed. No rennovation was possible. I think thats my problem.

Im packed with stuff. Good and bad. But what I need is some relief. I need some rennovation. Truthfully, a spiritual enema is probably more in line. I need external help to remove internal spiritual plaque. I could take the metaphor further, but I will spare you.

Married UP?

With all the respect due to my friend Randy, I think I married up fruther. That is mainly because I was so far down the totem pole to start with.

My wife has a birthday today. My WONDERFUL wife has a birthday today. This is important for one of several reasons.

1. She is now closer to my age, which makes me feel less old.

2. She was born. Had she not been born, I would be wandering around more confused than normal.

3. It forces me to stop and think about how much I like her.

4. It gives me a chance to show her off.

Danie, I love you a lot more than Im able to process. Im so glad for your life, and the life you share with me....

Dear IHOP Folks

I wanted to relate some recent experiences that I hope might encourage you. This happenned on Saturday.

Have you ever been sitting at home listening to the IHOP, and what the person prayed began to happen to you? I just did.

It was almost 9 am Sat (PST) and a girl got on the mike and prayed for all the people attending the Onething. I was just sitting on my couch, resting and praying about some things. I overheard her pray and thought “Hey, I went to the Onething on GodTV”. She started praying, and I drifted off into some thoughts and prayers. Next thing I know, Im yawning, but not a normal type of yawn. It is the type where I am actually going through deliverance. It just keeps bubbling up and out. Then I realize both the girl and the people praying (I had kind of tuned out in a way) were asking God to fill them with the Spirit of Might in the inner man etc… and I realized…

God was answering their prayers at that very moment and was displacing things that were in me crowding out the truth and the presence of God!!!!!!! At that very moment, and in the very way they were asking.

Some of you might say "DUH". God answers prayers Sean, thats why we do this.

I wish I knew who it was, as I would run and tell her because Im not sure if when we pray we realize how strongly and definitively our prayers are answered. In addition, if I simply “attended” OneThing because of getting the chance to watch it on GodTV, how many MILLIONS (10? 100? 200?) of people just got touched all over the world whether they realized it or not? WOW. Is it possible one simple prayer of faith from one person could have altered 200+ million people at that moment?

I also spent some time this am and played along with some keyboard player (I think Danie said it is Justin Rizzo?). I plugged my computer output into my soundboard, and then put on headphones and played music and prayed as the sun came up. It really helped me connect. I sound pretty good when someone that skilled is playing! LOL.

Another interesting thing was during Onething, Mike spoke a prophetic word about integrity in finances. I had been wrestling with what to do as Master Solutions has significant (for us) amount of $$ in the bank that we are using for development projects for our next generation of product. It is vital I complete this. However, because of the way out company is structured, all that money was considered income, and taxable. I was basically going to lose anywhere from 20-30% of it just because I hdnt spent it yet. I couldn’t figure out what to do, and was trying to understand if there was any way to save it. At the SAME EXACT TIME, I am working on programming along with another guy. I had an idea how to work the money in a way that would keep us from paying taxes, and it was legal and fine.

BUT… What I didn’t realize at the time was that an interesting thing happened. On the same day I set up a process to move money around, I hit a wall in programming. All the work I had been doing literally stopped working. I hadn’t changed anything that I was aware of, but literally a form that worked the day before stopped working. For 4 days I wrestled with this. Then I watched the Onething on that Thursday, and Mike says basically “God is asking for integrity in finances. He will deal tenderly with you, let Him have it” There was more to it than that, but that part piqued my interest. That night Im sleeping and thinking about it. I wake up the next morning about 4:30 and start working again. I realize what I was doing with the money, while legal, was not appropriate for me. It might be fine for others, but God was putting His finger on it. I sat down, emailed the parties involved, canceled checks etc…

As I then truned my attention back to programming, EVERYTHING WORKED. Im not kidding. Within seconds, everything was fine. Not only that, but since then, I have had TREMENDOUS ability to learn, write, program, problem solve without the typical manic/depressive kind of up and down that normal when I get in this hyper creative, intense cycle.


I just thought some real world feedback for you all might be encouraging. I am going through yet another fairly deep cleansing and shifting, and a lot of it is being facilitated by what you all are doing. I think it is even more important to grasp how possibly inconsequential the actual physical prayer room is. Not that it isnt great, or that it so obviously facilitates prayer. But that if a simple prayer offerred in faith can do that, does it actually matter where it is prayed?

Think about it. When Kelsey Bohlender says she is trying to figure out ways moms with babies can pray "from home", there is nothing inherently less effective about it. Although the prayer room is awesome, and I love to be facilitated, the prayer itself is the thing.

I hope that this simple reminder of the results of prayer and effort you all have expended on behalf of the kingdom puts a face and a name on it. And I hope that it encourages you to RELEASE EVEN MORE AGGRESSIVE FAITH. DONT HOLD BACK. In fact if prayer creates that impact then I will:

God I agree with your design that the prayer of a righteous man or woman avails much. I agree that you are righteous, and that our faith in your perfect sacrifice makes us righteous. I release even greater power, faqith and vision in prayer to these people who contend for your purpose. I agree with you that all your promises will come forth in ever increasing measure for them, to them, and through them. I beleive that as they pray, it will become more and more obvious that it is YOU praying.

They will feel the power and the majesty of Your hand, Your Heart, Your mind, Your VOICE until they become prayer. They will see answers to prayer before they ask, they will see harvest at the same time as sowing. They will do might things because they KNOW YOU.

Im going to beleive that as I pray that (I write it out as a prayer) and you read it, I will be answered. In fact, as I just wrote that, God touched me.

a small wall

I hit a physical wall last night. Eating only raw food is great for you, but not if you like to exercises, especially lift weights. I have been on a roll lately, and working out every day in some way or another. I dont do a lot, but I try to always keep a demand on my body so that my metabolism is active, and Im maintaining some basic strength.


Uggghhhh. Last night, right about 6pm, my body got really tired. I wasnt sleepy, but my body was tired. And it started getting sore. I knew I simply hit the edge of my bodys ability to recover because ti simply isnt assimilating food, especially amino acids (e.g protein) fast enough to compensate for tissue generation and recovery. The only way to do this is supplement with something really available as far as amino acids, and that would be a protein shake.

So I will have small amounts of that during the next couple months. It keeps me fasting in general, but does allow for the need to exercise. I notice a lot better mental performance, and stability if I exercise.

In fact, I have been very productive lately developing the next generation of software for our company, and I think it is a combination of several things, one of which is exercise, brain chemistry (taking fish oil again for the last 2-3 months), and overall GRACE. Im not a good enough programmer to be doing what I have been doing lately. Im getting a lot of help from God.

I awoke this am after having a FOUL dream. I cannot tell if this is something that simply came by and "darted" me, or it is something I have left over from years of GIGO (Garbage In, Garbage Out) or it is one of those things where as your body detoxes, things get released and its just the way it is. Some of it was tied into my childhood though, so maybe God is stirring something that He can remove! That would be great.

Day 4

Whoever you are that read my previous posts and prayed for me, may it come back to you 30, 50, even 100 times.

I simply read one piece of scripture today, and it touched me. For many people, that is common. For me, it is like a revival. It simpyl doesnt happen often, and something so simple as reading about Jesus washing feet grabbed my heart...

In john 13, it says Jesus knew that He had done everything, and had authority over all things, and then He got up and washed the disciples feet. Right after that, Jesus explains that He IS their Master and Teacher, and yet the deeper model for them is His Actions as a servant. He even has to explain to Peter that it is necessary, that Peter simply wont be able to handle life without submitting to Him in this.

I realized that until we have a strong security in who we are (in Christ), and what we are about, we simply cannot truly serve one another. I mean, of course we CAN do things for each other, but we arent truly able to give with humility. Humility is knowing who you are, and what you are about truthfully, not arrogantly or unrighteously, whcih then frees you up to wholeheartedly serve, and my guess is without thought to how it would affect you because you are already settled.

Then I pictured in my mind Jesus doing that for me. I tried to receive it, and I just got teary eyed, and leaned forward and placed my head on His. Im emotional now thinking about it. It is far deeper in me than conscious thought. I dont know what is so moved, but I dont care.

This is such a luxury.

Its like an apricot seed....

My heart is. Well, maybe my spirit. I dont know exactly what it is, but I know the place of connection (conscious connection) with God has gotten harder, and more distant, and more removed from every day life. It is an abnormal thing for me to have revelation any more, or to have a sense of the Love and Grace and wonder of God. And because of this, my life is unfruitful and uncentered.

Its like a seed. Not a kernel, but a seed. Like in an apricot, where there is the skin, then that weird flesh, then the kernel, then inside the kernel is the actual seed. It takes so much effort and decomposition to break down the kernel, and to get the seed to even sprout...

Recently watching the Onething conference on the television, I had some wonderful refreshing. I need that. Some people seem to have an intensity of focus and ability to get and stay refreshed by thing like reading the bible, or prayer. I have NEVER had that. It seems to take quite a lot of external intensity for me to get to a place of conscious connection with God. And I went through a few mini deliverances, and some little bursts of infilling. As soon as that happens, BAM I'm myself again. I can see and hear Him more. I have more awe and wonder and faith. I start to perceive so much more than the immediate of life.

It was encouraging and discouraging all at the same time. It is encouraging because there is still a seed there. When Holy Spirit moves enough, something way down deep in me responds. Way past words or thought. And it starts to breathe again. And it starts to feast.

It is discouraging in that there was seasons of my life where that was the norm. and somehow life has worked its way towards squeezing that down and out into a little corner of my heart, and I cannot access it. I realize that I have little faith for anything significant, and I have allowed ambivalence, and cynicism to have a soapbox to preach from in my heart.

As I hear these men and women who struggle and contend and fight to stay in that place pray and speak, I remember just how much revelation I have had. You must understand the TREMENDOUS GRACE that God pours out to me. It is shocking, and even a little offensive to me. I get bothered sometimes by how generous He is, when I honestly didnt ask for it, steward it well, or respond to most of it at all. When I hear the messages, I remember them! As I hear people share, little tiny things pop up in my memory about times God shared something similar, or that I came to realizations like that too. But somewhere along the way, I lost them.

So I fast now. For a long time. I dont know any other place to start. I need to crack the kernel. I cannot do it myself, I can just let go of the tree I have been hanging on, and drop to the ground. Then I can rot and decompose the flesh away, and then depend on the created order of things to take over and hydrate and dehydrate and attack this hard shell around my heart.

Yesterday as I started, I already didnt like it. There is anxiety and tension. Boredom and antagonism. I used to fast so much and so often I honestly couldnt remember if I was eating or not, if so, what, and how. I got to the point where I really did experience fasting out of heart sickness. What a great grace. I would give things up simply because I just loved Him so much, and had nothing to give. I believe at one point He even told me to fast fasting, because it had stopped serving its purpose! LOL.


I need the prayers and fellowship of people, and the Grace of God. I do believe God will help me. It is true he seeks out a heart that wants to be near Him. He does draw near when we do.