Laying Fallow

Fallow ground is usually interpreted as negative. However, letting land "lay fallow" is a good thing in both agricultural terms, and within context of the Sabbath rest commanded.

When land lays fallow, 2 things happen. Nutrients fall on the surface.
Leaves, debris, snow, water etc... collect. As well, grasses grow, and some grasses have extremely deep roots (alfalfa has roots that can go 20-30 feet!). Thos roots draw nutrients up to the surface, from deep places.

Then the process of turning over the earth happens. In order to sow seeds into a soft, and receptive place, the earth has to be plowed, essentially taking the first 12-18 inches and flipping it over. As that happens, all the nutrients get out under the surface, and all the bacterial life and such under the surface get exposed to sunlight and air.

Then the seed is sown into a good place, with nutrients and accessible ground. Then a harvest.

The time span between laying fallow and a harvest can be at LEAST 2 growing seasons, sometimes more. The time of resting, the time of getting plowed, the time of sowing, and the time of harvest.

Some of the things we pray now, are part of one of those seasons, and the harvest of it could be a year or 2 away, and the experiences in between the prayer and the harvest could be totally different than the burden you experience during the prayer.

Don't be confused. Faith is what keeps us within the context of the original prayer. But there is another issue here...

When we see people, and desire to call them out into something (unfortunately it is usually somehting on our agenda or personality) we MUST learn the difference between someone being passive, and someone actively laying fallow.

The passive person is usually full of any combination of guilt, self hatred, fear, discouragement, brokenness, rejection, condemnation etc... and the message to get up and do something, and be something just sounds like one more condemning message, one more expectation being placed on the shoulders of someone who has experienced so much frustration and failure already, that is is at best useless, at worst, ensuring even more passivity.

What God showed me they need is to be bright to a place of truly knowing God is with thim IN the place they are at. The care and concern, and the true personal advocacy of Holy Spirit right in and alongside the place a person finds themselves. God with them, regardless of whether they EVER take a step out of that place.

The person laying fallow, needs to be blessed and affirmed that they are doing the right thing, and are obedient. We MUST make room for people in this place in life, and even encourage others to follow that example as God leads.

Not discerning the times rightly in peoples life leads to tremendous heartache when you try to minister to them. I am watching very well intentioned people stepping out in their own personalities and gifts, urging people to get active, for the most part because thats where their own soul is at. My concern is that by moving out in the flesh like this, we can run the risk of sticking our fingers into other peoples lives and combat the very things God is doing.

Beginning to get a picture

As I obsess over the immediate....

My mind was really occupied yesterday about the morning experience. It is an interesting thing, perhaps even a quirk. I can get very consumed with something, and until I get through enough of it, I cannot let go.

There have been several significant ingredients in this soup I find myself in:

1. My experience at The Well. This was very ugly for the most part, however several dreams, encounter with God, and deep healing sessions helped separate the ugly and bad things from the reality of what God meant. I am sure God knew it all would happen, and took advantage of my will to provide ways of healing and deliverance for me through all this.

2. My subsequent process of letting go of any and all preconceptions about God, the Church, the Bible, etc... and stepping back. I then began to seek God about what HE says, not about what I had been "taught". Im all for teaching, receive the gift of it, heck I even DO that on a regular basis with my own business. But in Scripture it is PERFECTLY CLEAR that the Holy Spirit leads us into all truth. To ignore that is to do so at my own peril. It is far too easy for me to all others to tell me what they think (or even what they think they know!) and integrate that into my beliefs. Instead, I needed to repent of that, and start over. I probably should do that more often.

As I did, I really got confronted with my own idolatry. And it hurt! But as I went through that, I began to feel more and more free. In fact I began to see how so much of that stuff I had been taught mixed with my own inherent brokenness really facilitated the dysfunctions I experienced. My choices were all MY OWN FAULT, however the unholy marriage of my own choices, coupled with a willing system that provides a fantastic structure for dependence and dependent relationships, really got bad.

3. My prior experiences at "Churches". While I believe that 99.9% of my experiences were with well meaning, sincere people, I got a vastly different picture of what and who the Body is, and how it is supposed to work than what I see in basic scripture, let alone in the deeper ways to study cultural and original language to get past the inherent biases of interpreters. Wow. I dont recall seeing anything truly related to NT practice outside of the multiple dinners we all used to have with each other, and some slight stirrings of Holy Spirit.

4. One other thing that is beginning to come up to the surface is my previous experience within the Church growing up before I left it to pursue the world. I didn’t think much about this as it is so long ago, and I was so young. However, I think the hyper-religious envirnoment my poor parents were exposed to has some bearing on my frustrations within the Body at large. I might actually be working out something far outside my generation!

5. My good friend Randy Bohlender (who no longer BLOGS!!!! at least publicly) told me something a few years ago as I was twisting and writhing pulling out of a season of purging and healing that he felt God was going to do something in the future that would surprise me, and put me in a place where I would be dealing with this stuff.

6. I just started another fast/pray cycle, and this issue is immediately in my face.

So anyway, as I stumble around in this place, trying to get a picture of what God is saying and leading me into (or not leading me into), I have gobs of revelation and experiences that prove it is by no means accidental, or self created. It is all part of tremendous work God is doing to make me more intimate with Him, and more fruitful!

Im so confused?

What an interesting day so far (it is 10:03 am).

I woke up and went to a prayer meeting at a local group. From time to time, as God leads, I will go and pray. I started going about 3-4 weeks ago with a really strong word from God. I have been praying for this group off and on (mostly off) for about 18 months. Here is some back story:

I believe God made it clear to me that He was going to visit them. It was exciting! And in the midst of that, He rebuked me quite well. He looked at me and said "Im going to go visit them, want to come?" and I said "No", and He said "Ok" and turned and walked away. And He turned back to look at me over His shoulder. I realized that I was missing something somehow...

My history with this group, or at least some of the individuals, goes back almost 15 years. I love them, and care about them. But in my broken travels, I have come to some rather different perspectives about the nature of "The Church" and How it gathers, and Why etc... So for me, "attending" church doesn’t even compute any longer. In fact, at first, I was so disconnected from all the process and the language and the environment, I really felt out of place when Iwent to see what God was doing.

But I realized I should go and see what God was doing. He showed me through some very significant experiences that He was indeed going to move among that particular group, and that they were fairly unaware. They have lots of input about it, but for the most part, didn’t seem to realize the depth of the situation is, or at least on a different way than I did.

So I began to pray for them etc... and it became very hard. The "culture" of "Church" can be so varied that it can be a real impediment to connection. As well, I have my own baggage like everyone else, and I also prefer smaller, more flexible environments.

Anyhow, I burned out. I couldn’t take the conflict between what I saw God wanting to do and doing, and the actual situation. I simply don’t have the character or the temperament to really help or be fruitful, and really backed down.

Then God broke me during a recent fast, and I heard about this prayer group, and figured it was a good place for me to participate. Then I started getting so much revelation, and for the most part it was so well received, I actually blew a few circuits, and began to dominate the prayer meeting!!! UGGGHHHH. But thankfully, a little help and input from an old friend helped me stabilize.

This a.m., I really wanted to bring an IHOP CD for one of the men facilitating it, because I felt like it would help give some perspective on different types of intercession, especially long lasting, constant intercession. But I have given all of them away. When I got there, someone had brought one! WOW. And it was a hit.

Within minutes, people are really connecting with a flow. At one point I had to go cry a little, because it felt like I was releasing a little of a burden I had been carrying around for them.

Anyhow, someone came and asked me about IHOP, and as I explained to them, they asked me about hot people facilitate this type of thing. We talked about it, and they asked if it was something I could do. I’m fairly confident in what God has given me, and I have some experience on a basic level with similar things, so I explained I could in certain ways.

Then a conversation began that just unwound me. The question about "How committed to this church are you?", "How do you fellowship?" etc... and the view of submission, what that means etc... This is all happening within a prayer meeting! LOL.

I was so out of my head, all I could do is give some simple ideas about where I am at. It had been such a long time since I have had to think and articulate about all this, I found myself at a loss. Pat Terminology doesn’t help, how deep do we have to dialog, scripture references etc...

I am really confused. I think. I have had to go through such a reprogramming about what the Church is, How it works, what leadership is, what servanthood is, the nature of submission etc... But it doesn’t gel with the very part of the Body I have been given a burden for.

I don’t know how to navigate all this. I have at least 5-6 people who at any minute can call me up and tell me "You are out of line" and call me on something. Is that "submission"? I have deep relationships with people that know everything good and bad, and we talk regularly. Is that "accountability"? I have yet to have the wonderful experience of "mentoring", but I would love to have some input from someone farther on than me on a regular basis. I believe I should submit to everyone out of Love for Christ, not just a special thing for someone who has been appointed a "leader". I look for how to submit in any given situation, first to God, and then to however He is leading.

I don’t want to ever subjugate the preeminence of Christ as Head of the Body to myself, let alone to anyone else. I don’t want to ever get caught in another situation where the leading of the Holy Spirit in the life of a believer is put up for grabs by men. Christ died for the individual, not anything else. To inject myself in that Holy relationship seems inconsistent with Scripture.

And I’m not a person looking for a mission. I’m not a resource waiting to be used by someone. I’m not a man looking for a purpose. In fact most of my calling has to do with those outside the Body, at least that is what has been made clear to me lately. I don’t know how long that will be.

Anyhow, I find myself really stumped. The only real thing I’m concerned about is following HIM. If he is saying "I don’t care about their structure, I don’t care about the details" then I should too. But I don’t understand what that means about how I am supposed to help and encourage and participate, if at all.

Easter Music

I realized that of all the holidays, Easter really is the most defining. It is called the culmination of the "Christian Calendar", and I think that makes sense. But in reality, like all these holidays, I should be living it everyday, rather than just thinking about it once a year, and making it a big deal.

I sat down and meditated and prayed out the imagery of Christ Risen, and Glorified. I had to picture it, and I felt Him help me. My goal is just to focus myslef, and connect with the reality of this.

Feel free to listen and participate. Stretch your imagination. Dont just sit and let some institutional structure initiate a ritual. Take that, and build on it. Ask for help, and see HIM.

http://www.brokenbreadmusic.com/Easter-2007.mp3

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Odd Thoughts and Ends

I listened to a few preachers the other day and as I contemplated what they said, other thoughts came to mind.

1. When Satan tempted Eve, there was far more to this than we think. His message to her essentially was "God knows when you eat this, you will be like Him, and He doesn’t want you to have that. He is holding back from you".

I would add that he made that claim by his own twisted personal experience! He could have easily followed up with "I know firsthand, because He held that back from me, even though I was the chief worshipper. I spent all of my creation in His Presence, giving Him glory and all that He asks, and yet after all that service He held back from me all the good stuff, all the reward."

This is to a woman who was experiencing complete and perfect fellowship with God. Literally the very thing she was made for. It couldn’t have gotten any better for her, only more mature. There wasn’t anything or anyway for her to have more than what she had, because God had given her HIMSELF.

I think it can even go farther than that, but perhaps you get the picture. I think of friends, acquaintances, loved ones etc... who are hoping for things, and chasing things, and I cannot help but think about the pain of feeling let down, or withheld from, or that elusive "IT" that they believe God isn’t going to ever give them. And some will look at years of service or works etc... and secretly get angry over why they don’t get their "payoff".

And even deeper under this is the idea that I simply want to be directing my own life. That there is something better and beyond, and if I could just grab it, I could somehow be better off. It creates a vicious cycle of hoping in falsehood, and not being right here, right now, and engaging God for where I am at.

2. We have explained the warning of Jesus at the end "Depart from me I never knew you" as a scary thing. How can people truly raise the dead, and heal the sick etc... and not know God? And our answers are typically consistent with whatever theology we have at the moment (intimacy, lack of intimacy, authority in the Name of Christ vs. relationship, 7 sons of Sceva etc...).

Recently hearing something a man preached about, I realized we have an example in Scripture that hints at it. When the disciples were sent out, they came back saying "Wow Jesus, even the demons submit to us IN YOUR NAME". These people were not born again, had not been forgiven of their sins in the classic sense we all know (Christ had not been crucified), they didn’t have the indwelling of the Spirit. and yet they all keyed off the Name of Christ being the sufficient power to do everything.

Now the metaphor breaks down because they were walking with Jesus, literally. However, Jesus, full of joy, is thrilled at the results. And He reminds them not to get their identity from the works of the Kingdom, but the relationship they have with the King.

We hear this preached as some kind of rebuke, and yet Jesus was so full of joy the words underneath imply leaping and rejoicing. He was excited that God was now releasing the same ministry to the world that He Himself had begun. All He wanted to do is make sure they weren’t lost in the works, but rooted in the identity of being loved and called and connected to Him.

Is it possible God even directs people, in HIS OWN NAME, to do the works of the Kingdom, and yet knows full well they simply have no interest in Him? At the end of the Age we see people claiming to have literally done the works of the Kingdom, and yet Christ explains to them they are not a part of Him.

To go too far is wrong here. God doesn’t tempt people with sin, but I think the idea comes through.

Why does all this matter? I think for me it matters because it reveals an undercurrent of work (flesh) that desires to get my life under my control, to get what I’m afraid is being held back from me, and the potential to go off and use power and revelation etc... for my own, and then slowly but surely migrate away from relationship with Christ is a reality. In fact, the more work, and the more revelation, the more I might be tempted to grasp it myself.