Marry a prayer girl....

Well actually, marry whomever that you find along the way when you are doing things you like or love or are called to do.

I actually convinced Danielle to sit with me, in my mess of sound gear and recording stuff, and paray with me. We had our own little prophetic prayer time. The bottle of white merlot (it was actually good which sure surprised me) helped her relax. LOL....

But here is why I think it is so important. I met Danie when I was in KC, visiting the IHOP, and doing things that I loved. We met ALONG THE WAY, as we were going about what we were supposed to do. I didnt go find her on eharmony, or whatever (although I dont beleive that is a bad thing btw...), I found her in the midst of what she was doing, same as me.

Now there are little differences, and some big ones. She likes some thing I dont, and some things I dont even understand. But at the CORE of what we are about, and how we met, and the pieces that are beyond the fact that she is the prettiest, and most sensitive and loving, and funnest and all that, are where the truth of relationship lies.

So many people want to find someone, and I understand that. I was getting very lonely and alienated. While I dont think marriage fixes that per se, it does address that. Adam needed Eve, BECAUSE he was alone. He had unrestrained fellowship with God, without sin, experientially, and he still needed Eve.

But finding someone isnt the issue. With the right combination of attributes (or realistically the perception of those attributes), you can score a good person, and convince them to like you. But the best things I have seen are when people find each other on the journey. They do what they love and are called to do, and find people in a similar destiny.

It turns out that I have been in a sort of hiatus for 2 years,ending on Nov 1. I felt sure God was telling me to get away. Well wouldnt you know it, I didnt even realize that I am getting married Oct 28th, which positions me with a wife and a friend I can trust intimately, right as God is releasing me into further expressions of His design for me? Coincidence?

If you arent meeting people, is it (perhaps) that you arent DOING what you love? What you are called to do? Not that you are bad, or stupid, only that perhaps you arent allowing yourself to flow in what you are truly called to do. I know people I am aching for right now, who so badly want to connect with someone, whohave little success in that. I know them well, and I dont understand any reason why they havent met someone. They have their issues, and they have their problems. I know that some are being prepared, and need a lot more refinement than they think or feel comfortable with. And we see people all the time getting the pay off of a marriage with much less credentials (me for example).

I wonder if past all that, there is a piece of this about us. When we are flowing in what we love and are called to do, we meet the people we need along the way.

So we prayed for a while, and stumbled through praying for a few friends, and my rantings about just needing a lot from God. And when we were done, we were done. And it was great, and makes sense. And we hope to do this every Tuesday evening. Just us, walking down the road, together.

My Baby is coming Back....Kinda

It isnt like this is where she is FROM, but in a sense she is coming back home. Or coming TO home. I dunno....

So we are planning on getting married Oct 28th in Ohio. I am more excited about the wedding as I let myself relax. It isnt that I dont like weddings so much, its that I dont like weddings at the expense of a marriage. A wedding has about as much to do with being married as going to church does about being a christian.

One is an EVENT, which is good. But the other is a LIFE, and those two arent self identical. They dont mean the same thing, and to talk about one and assume or believe internally that you are talking about the other is dangerous business. But to neglect one for the other, is almost as bad.

But Danie is a planner, and I am a spaz. Danie likes to bring things into consistency, and I like my perception of controlled chaos. I like it just on the edge of spinning out of control. Danie thinks this is all so fast, and she is having to adjust. I feel like this is going at a glacial pace.

Danie wants matching towels, and I think having 4 for 4 people is perfect, especially when they are all a different color so you know whos is whos. And the plates that I have I bought for a reason. I like them and they are CHEAP. And all my drinking vessels that arent for alcohol are plastic, so they dont break when they hit the ground.

But she wants things to match, and be nice, which stresses me out because they will break and get ripped, and when that happens to nice stuff it bothers me. But it REALLY bothers her that none of the towels match, and that there are plastic "glasses" everywhere, and my plates are all the same style, but different colors (which is neat to me).

In my younger years, I was actually so much of an oppressed ass that I wouldnt entertain alternatives, let alone discuss them, let alone surrender to them, let alone let myself ENJOY them. And by doing that, I manifested as a misogynistic monster that was unbearable to be around. I literally had to renounce that spirit, and I went through quite a few deliverances. Im serious.

But God is bigger than that, and bigger than me. And He is generous and patient. As Danielle talks about this stuff, I dont feel angry, or frustrated, or vicious or combative. I feel a little displaced, because I dont know how to think. But I dont feel BAD. I feel challenged. And a little bit astounded that there could be so much more to life than I understand, and it could be viable, even good, possibly even better than I can ask for or imagine. Sounds familar.

Like Im not able to comprehend stuff, so I hate and fear it. But then God is able to help me repent. And then I get to see more of Him, in many different ways, including via people. He has all these dreams and visions for me, but they are beyond my ability to ask or think (imagine), and so I cannot embrace them, and I reject them, and cling to the simple, pragmatic (for me), routine things that are a mere thin slice of reality.