A Sad Announcement

We were woken up at 4:30 am yesterday to hear that Danielles father, David Wheeler, was having a problem. At that point we assumed something healthwise, but didnt understand. An hour later we got another call informing us that he was dead.

This was obviously a shock. We are very sad, and trying to piece together the things that have happened, as well as the things that will occur now. And as we do this, around the edges is this grief that wants to come out.

We could all see that Dave was having a hard time at Christmas. And the consensus was thankfully he was starting insurance from a new job Jan 1, and should be going to the Dr to start checking this. Dave had at least one heart attack I am aware of 20 years ago. In hindsight, Im betting he had several more.

I think the thing that has hit me the most is this is the 3rd time I have experienced this same process. My grandmother was having a little bit of trouble 12 years ago on Mothers day. We realized something was wrong, but didnt know what, or how serious. She died within a week. My Grandfather seemed to be having a little bit of trouble a few years back during Easter I think, and died suddenly within a day or 2. Last year, my wifes grandfather was having trouble all of a sudden,a nd then they foud out he had cancer, and died within a few months. My fathers mother was going downhill for a while, and my Dad (Im positive on a divine whisper) decided to go and see her again, got there just in time for her death. Now Dave.

I dont know if I have learned something, or see something, but here is what I believe now.

1. Everytime someone dies, you feel that kick in your butt to do something to take care of yourself better.

2. You commit to connect even more with people.

3. You realize signs in hindsight that you assure yourself you wont ignore again, but you do.

4. You try and process things, and remember, but it drifts into the past.

In several of those cases above, it was a shock. there was something going on, but there is always something going on, and everyone seems to get over it, except for the ONE TIME they dont. In the other cases, NO ONE regrets the extra effort of being there even though it is sad and difficult.

Dave Wheeler was a really neat guy. He was someone you had to sit and wait for the golden pieces that would come out, because on the outside, he tended to be a little aloof or quiet. But if you waited, you would hear some of the funniest things. It was Daves idiosyncrasies that were the best part. The guy smoked, drank a pot of coffee, and ate whatever he wanted. Didnt excercise etc... and the rattle and cough he had was an indicator to me that he was about as unhealthy as he could be, and still be a live. That was part of his little quirks. He was a headstrong guy, with a lot more IQ than I would guess people realized if they didnt listen to him.

He also brought me some venison to try, when he found out I never had tried any. And a bottle of "spring water". Turns out, he probably meant "still water", and when you talk North Carolina and "still water" it is what started NASCAR (i.e. moonshine). It was my favorite gift of the whole thing! It was such a pleasure trying something like this, and enjoying it while feeling special that he brought it for me.

Dave LOVED Charlotte, Ava, Leah, and Patrick. Patrick was as much Daves son as anyones (I think having 3 girls does that to you). Ava was doted on, and I have heard stories of Leah saying "Pop, I wanna go in the boat", and him dropping just about everything and getting her out in the water.

I now look at myself, after gaining 30 pounds since July, with a heart condition etc... at my age, having a new baby coming etc... and keep asking God for the Grace to enjoy food, but get healthy at the same time. I want to know I have done all that I can to be strong and healthy for my kids, and the calling on my life. I struggle with that daily. And it is clear I am not supposed to live in fear, but it is hard not to make a bigger deal out of something when someone isnt doing well physically.

You just never know. It should motivate us to do what we are already commanded to do, Love Each Other. Serve Each Other. Greet Each Other With a Holy Kiss. Submit to One Another. Seek to Bless and Not Curse. All of these things make sense when you get the crap knocked out of you as someone irrevocably leaves. I cannot do a thing to change this situation.

Im pissed off, because I barely got to know him. My girls and I had high hopes of someday learning how to fish with him. Im sad my wife lost her father, my daughter wont know her Grandfather. Im wrecked my Mother in Law has lost her Father, and her husband within 6 months of each other. Im mad that I didnt recognize the problem, and take him right there to a hospital (even though he probably wouldnt let us). Those are all my little griefs. But Grief is often rooted in Love and Affection. At least this Grief is. I am sad, because so many people lost something wonderful. It is a blessing to have had the wonderful at all.