God is not generous...

All I can say is prepare yourself. I had a wild encounter with Holy Spirit this week. Interspersed with crying, laughing, and screaming came the reality that generous is too small a word for God. In fact, while from my human perspective it makes sense, it isnt correct.

Although I do believe God is generous, I think I misunderstand it when He is, and when He is doing something else.

It is safe to say my kids have been rocked by attending a few sessions of The Daniel Academy. That might be an understatement.

And God has seemed to provide a way not only to attend it, but to provide financially. At that point when I realized it, I simply just got overwhelmed. I didnt know what to say or think. All I could do is play catch up with my spirit and say "Thank you God for your generosity, and your..." and I was stopped pretty short.

I cannot say I heard the clear voice of God in my ears, I dont normally anyhow. But I can tell you that what came very clear to me was something very close to a feeling that can be paraphrased in the following words:

"I am NOT being generous here. I am releasing MY PROVISION, to do MY THING, for MY PURPOSES to accomplish MY WILL. When I decide to do something, I PAY FOR IT MYSELF".
As I began to catch up with this, and then all the obvious implications and examples of this such as Jesus Christ on the Cross, manna, miracles, etc... I began to realize I was thinking in far too small a concept about God.

And as this reality began to trickle into my conscious thought, all sorts of other facets and dimensions of information came too. They came in parallel, so I was basically screaming and then crying and then laughing a different points trying to receive so much. I must either be very slow, or God is very gene... never mind.

Anyhow it became clear my kids needed to be here. Tracie Loux said it to me "Oh, you realized you are here for your kids too. It took us 2 days to realize it". Took me 4 weeks.

Not only is it important for them to be here, it is important for Huckleberry (the new one coming) to be here. God has ordained it, for His own purposes, to accomplish His Will, and provided all that was needed, from changing peoples hearts to providing money.

We can talk like this all the time, but to have Him tell it to me straight away was another thing. I have a new faith right now. I almost feel as if I have a spiritual credit card. God gave it to me to use, and when I am confident I am using it for His purposes, for His Will, I can exercise it.

There is other dimensions to this. Like the reality that my children are mine. It is my delight, but also my prerogative to provide for them. I get the privilege, and the right to do this because they have been given to me. If I decide and/or request my children to do something, it is both my prerogative to support and provide for it, but it is also my OBLIGATION.

I could even use the cool term noblesse oblige because to my rank, the honorable and responsible action for me, not another, to provide for my own wishes.

How much more God?

I dont take this as an opportunity to reduce God down to an ATM. FAR FROM IT! What it does (in my heart at least( is forces me to realize how perfect, responsible, trustworthy, righteous etc... God is. He doesnt expect someone else to pick up after Him. He owns everything. No one else gets the credit for providing anything. No one will claim at any point "I did this part here God when you didnt provide for x and y so I loaned you some of my..."

And because His rank is THE HIGHEST, He obligates Himself to the HIGHEST. He save me by paying for it, sanctifies me by His own Spirit, entrusts me to work by His own Authority, and completes it all by His own Grace.

There are lots more things to think about in this, such as no wonder things suck when I am not found in His Will. It requires so much work and toil and such, Im simply not able to fulfill it. No wonder sin has such tremendous consequence. No wonder it is impossible without His Spirit.

No wonder I am here... Now... in light of all this, what is God doing for YOU? What provision is coming down the way for YOU?? If He not only loves me this much, but out of His own High rank and honor provides whatever I need to do His thing, what is He called you to do and wants to provide for?