BigotsHead Revisited

Unfortunately, after I wrote the previous post, I realized either God is talking to me, or I am talking to me.

I will start off by saying that God has different people in different places, and for different times. 6 years ago, my life was radically impacted and I was forced to lay down everything I understood about the church, how and what it is, and how it is supposed to function. It stripped away everything that I could hang on to find approval and connection. It was a scary time, and a liberating time.

I would come across groups, but they were usually in the throes of coming to grips with the reality that "the emperor has no clothes", and were processing their pain about it. I had already done that. I needed and wanted community, and wasn't patient enough to walk through others just coming to grips with it.

Finally after having a great season where I actually lived with another family, and experienced the simple pleasure of day to day living with others did I get a practical understanding. But I knew in my heart that there was something much more.

You see, I can figure out the perfect scenario, and I believe I can can figure out great ecclisiological doctrine (the doctrine of "the church"). I think it is actually really easy. But the part I wasn't getting was Gods heart.

I honestly believe God is against most of what we call "church". I think that the majority of it is insulting (at best) to the work of Jesus Christ to reconcile believers to the Father directly without a caste of priests in between. In fact, HE mades us all priests. The legalistic forms and twisted structures that we see are based so much more on traditions of man than any simple plain scripture it is astonishing once you actually get away from it and have some objectivity.

At worst, these systems are actually evil. They can literally be powerful tools to keep people totally separated form a true and deep personal relationship with God. They perpetuate apathy, co-dependence, and foster a rampant narcissism that creates tremendous strain and burdens on people.

However, IF I am truly understanding that the Body is not a building, not a system, and not an institution but the literal people of God, then it actually FORCES me to engage it. To objectify and isolate myself from the PEOPLE (regardless of how and where and what they gather) is to become a religious bigot (at best), and to totally shut myself away from the very people God loves and dwells in (at worst).

The real issue is, if I believe I a little more freedom and understanding than the average believer I meet (and I actually do believe that with regard to identity and church gathered, I have been delivered of a lot of crap), then I am actually MORE accountable and MORE is required of me.

To shut myself off from others is a horrific thing. I have seen it a lot. Whole gifts and callings totally dissociated from the heart of God. And to shut myself off in a little "salt shaker" is to admit on one hand that I "don't recognize the church gathered that way", and yet adamantly REFUSE to engage the real church (because "the church gathered that way" isn't what I like) is to become more hypocritical than the people I have opposed!

This is difficult for me to explain well. But I am struck by a simple thing. Holy Spirit looked me right in the eye, and told me "I love these people, and I want to hang out with them". And then He turned and walked away. I knew He was going to visit them. And in that moment He asked my heart "If I love them and want to be near them, why don't you?".

My response was simply (paraphrased) "because I don't like the way and how they do that. I don't recognize it, and you told me it isn't valid". And He just simply kept walking towards them, and away from me. But the understanding bubbled up in my heart that if He was able to disregard all the fluff, and see past all that right into the heart, like He has done so many times with me on so many issues (to my immense benefit), I was missing the end point. I might believe I have understanding, but I have run the intense risk of becoming an even greater Pharisee. Because "they" are sincere. They keep the show going every week because they haven't come to the end of the rope yet. SO they show up and do the best, most earnest thing they can, but I, with greater understanding, refuse to actually practice what I preach and engage my heart and with sincerity see them as the Body, and seek out their well being and heart regardless of how they do whatever they choose to do.

I can go on and on. God has allowed a season of bigotry. And all the while He has looked past the dogma and the rhetoric and seen my heart. I am almost ready to cry right now literally writing that sentence. And He has treated me with great dignity and respect while I groped around sincerely. And now it is my turn. It is my turn to grow up and out. Because it is my season. Others are just entering into what I am emerging out of. Some haven't, or don't even care. And some are looking at me and nodding their heads and understand because they are actually finally experiencing the fruit of the truth about the Body, and can see her with God's eyes.