Do this, or else

make a bogus account ont his site, and nominate it as a worthy project, and AMEX will donate 1.5 million. This would help adopt a bunch of kids with Downs syndrome.

http://www.membersproject.com/project/view/H1LEJ0

Just what breakfast is like

I sat in my hotel restaurant eating food that I probably shouldnt, and my mind began to wander. I began to think about my wife, and I got so teary eyed I was debating getting back to my room and letting myself have a real good cry.

It is obvious to everyone who knows me how fortunate I am. They tell me this. They can see it. But the benefit to me is even less profound (if possible) than the reality of living with such a wonderful woman. I cannot explain how well she mediates love and affection and partnership to me. I guess we are still considered newlyweds, but it doesnt ever feel like it. It feels like a part of myself exists in another body, somewhere else.

Im not talking saccarhine sweet, sentimental type stuff. Im talking about the reality of being with someone, andit feeling o normal and natural, you dont always consciously experience being separate. Yet she is "other", because Im not loving myself, I am being loved. And being loved by a trustworthy, respected, safe, sincere person. She doesnt love me because she needs me, it would be silly to think that she needs me, as there is nothing I have to improve her. She doesnt love me with a hint of condescension, or fear. Just loves me, with quality, as if she isnt even trying to, just does.

All I could do is cry. All I could experience at that point was a real sense of Gods affection for me. I think GOd loves everyone He made, but it is hard to believe He loves anyone as much, or as well, as me. And I understand that more now than ever.

Then I think about my kids. About Israel, a woman who is my daughter. That is far different than a daughter who is a toddler, or a preteen etc... All this quality, wrapped up in such a wise, and personable heart. Such a good listener, and an even better advisor. She is far more perceptive than anyone else in the family, and she ha never bee anything other than joy for me to be with. I wish my own heart was easier to communicate, because the emotions I feel seem to be so deep, and hard to put simple words to.

Then you look at Judah. A living party. She is a daughter who is a preteen, and my second. I have a little advantage with her, because she is like me, but much more enjoyable She has a brain that is fascinating. She is as special and dear to me, as if the pieces Israel isnt, Judah is. Like a big complimentary piece of pie with ice cream. Judah has never hit her capacity that I know of. She is simply tremendous potential mentally, and personally, and it keeps peeking at me from around a corner. My life is full with her.

Then I realize Havah is here too. I have been so long with my 2, that I forget my baby. Yet another girl, and as cute as God made her sisters (if indeed that is possible for even Him to do it 3 times). This child is seeming like a personality mix between my olders, yet totally different as a person. She is appearing and emerging with quite a personality, a squawker, a friendly silly face that will almost always give a smile to you if you ask for one, and sometimes lately, without asking. IT is amazing to see a child with older sibling like Beba and Judah. The delight she is seeming to have with her sisters, and their attitude and behavior towards her is beyond price. I dont know what it is like to have older siblings, but I can only imagine the exerience as I see her.

I just get brought to tears. I am the man who did everything wrong, most of the time willingly, defiantly, even leading others. I seem almost crushed with Kindness. IT swarms at me emotionally at these times, seemingly out of the blue.

And all I can do is enjoy it. I dont even have confidence that I will respond in any true, effective way with righteousness or holiness. I have tried m best, and come up with nothing. I never seem able to do anything other than just get hit by a wave of realization that I am indeed fortunate, for reasons I dont seem able to understand or control.

And I ask God "I dont understand how you work. I want to understand how you think and work because this is to much for me" and I feel like He says "No. I made you to receive this, not comprehend it. Besides, if I told you how I work in this, you would take it and use it to run and direct and manipulate others."

I think I understand that. IT makes sense to me. It takes faith just to receive it, and enjoy it, and not have to understand it, and not try and position myself to direct it. I just need to be thankful, and enjoy it.

Finally back home...well....

We got back Monday eve from Washington D.C. It was quite a relief. We have been on the road over 2 weeks. The day after school ended, the girls and us packed up with gram, and went to Orlando/Lakeland for a week or so. Then te girls went to California for 3 weeks. Then we went to DC for 2. We got back 2 days before school started.

It was a hard trip on many levels. Had I known in advance the disorganization, stress, and physical element, I wouldnt have gone. Im glad I didnt know.

I hit the wall with some of my personality quirks. I dont like chaos and dysfunction (that isnt of my own making), and I had to stop flodding and endure rather than solve. I a strategic guy by nature and by vocation. Not neccesarily a good one, but I have unique niche that IW ork in, and Im used to analyzing problems, making plans and solutions,a nd then watching other people execute them towards a know, quantifiable goal. This was like hitting a target that kept shrinking, and moving, and changing dimensions.

It all came down to trust, and hope. If it werent for the sincereity, and earnestness of the planners and people involved, you would have quit too. But when you press through the surface, and start working with people, alongside them, and see their hearts, enduring outside chaos is made easier by an offsetting comraderie.

Israel had a great time, and Danie did too. We met Benjamins brother Jeff, and the girls had 2 older brothers for the week that were wonderful. In fact, Havah did too. Thse guys we the best people I have been with for a long time.

I didnt attend The Call much, and didnt plan too anyway. Im not much into it. Judah and I stopped in for about an hour, I got carried away ito birthing intercession for about 30 minutes, and had to practice breathing and relaxing I had learned in Bradley classes! LOL. Then we skipped off to see the Hope Diamond.

The drive was hard, but mitigated be seeing Danies sister and her family. This was another highlight of our trip. Any opportunity to see them is well worth it.

Now Im in ahotel in atlanta, trying to figure out how to excercise, and then go to a trade show. Ths is a different scenario than Im used too. Im here with a partner, and we are exhibiting for ourselves. Im hoping to generate some business here and start breaking away from the previous stuff I have been doing with Planit.

Updates From DC

Well we have been here in DC for a week. We stayed the first half of last week in Maryland, right by Annapolis. We had sucha pleasant time, Danie and I remarked how we felt like it was a luxurious vacation!

Then we moved into the DC area, and things got rough. We knew going in we were going to be part of an IHOP/Cal type situation, and we were certainly on target! Organizing this scale of an event is hard. Doing it with free labor (interns) is even harder. Doing it with no budget is even harder still.

Things have stablilized. It is far more consuming then even we expected. I doubt we will get to do anything we hoped, even on a small scale. That is a real dissapointment, but it is part of the deal.

Irael is having a GREAT time! We drop her off int he morning, and get her back at dinner, and can see the wildness and the fun she is having as only parents can. I have to interpret her behavior and actions, ask questions, and try to figure out what it is like to be 13 years od and galavanting all over the Capital with 100+ other wild eyed teens. All I know is she is flying, and it makes me content.

Judah went to the Smithsoniam yesterday, and saw the Hope diamond. She reported it was a complete disappointment! LOL. It is the size of a walnut. This is the grls who found out about the gems and minierals at the Smithsonian online, and absorbed herself in them and decorated her computer with all sorts of pictures.

All said, you hit a point as a parent where you are far more content seeing your kis having fun and doing exciting things than you could ever feel doing them yourself. It is sincerely worth it. These opportunites are so wonderful, and I am so grateful. I am living in a townhouse in Capitol Hill, with great people, watching my kids grow and explore. Im not sure I could contain any more than this.

Plant a Church?

I read a recent post on Randys blog, and it linked to another blog that was really funny. A story about being stuck in a location that was rife with bigotry, and Randy's remark was "So this guy says "We need to plant a church here!""

What I am about to say is no reflection on either of them. I am sure that someone whom Randy esteems so much by definition must be someone worth esteeming.

However, I couldn't get that thought out of my mind. As I was driving through North Ohio, among unbelievable stretches of corn fields, I kept running that thought over and over in my head.

Why am I so bothered by the idea? I understand the sentiment, and in fact agree with it. However, it is the WAY the sentiment is manifested that just sticks in me. What has starting a non profit corporation got to do with the Kingdom expanding in manifestation in a local area? What has creating structures and systems and "planting" them in an area have to do with following Christ?

I have to believe it is simply programming and conditioning. It is how people think the church is, so they want to do more of it. Im sure God sees the intent, and loves it. But I think it is time to break away from thinking and practice that doesnt have any significant model in scripture, and has proved by most estimates (Barna for example) to be far less relevant than we think.

Planting a church in a place is like planting a barn in the middle of a cornfield.

The reality is the church is all around us. It needs to be encouraged, strengthened, edified etc... but what I believe it DOESNT need is more event driven, centralized, hierarchies to "gather". Im betting (and did a little asking around) that the person references int he blog post, is probably the most giving, generous, and sincere man. So I would bet he will be successful. That why this isnt a commentary on him or the post. It is my thinking through the concept.

Putting a building, or a gathering, or a movement, or anything, in a community is like taking a cornfield, and rearranging it to put a big fat barn in where the corn was growing. And then its effect is to create dependency on the barn and the infrastructure. The barn becomes the point of the farm, regardless of what it says. It is inevitable.

But the point of a farm is the corn. IT is the corn growing and developing and giving itself to the harvest. Whatever that means.

Im not sure Im being clear enough, and it might come across wrong. But I will say this again:

Planting a church in a city is like planting a barn int he middle of a cornfield.