Updates to life

Well life sure has gotten wild.....

I went to KC a few weeks ago to visit with some friends. During that visit, we stayed in a house full of lovely people, and one in particular...

After I got home, I called the lovely lady in particular, and told her that it was hard for me to be around her again. You see we had seriously dated last year, and then it became clear she had to go away. It was so wonderful being with her when I was. It took all the courage I had to tell her she made me twitterpated after 8 years of being alone, and 4 years of an ugly marriage, anf 24 previous years of dysfunction. But somehow I did. And we had fun. But she left.

When I saw her again, it was easier and harder than I thought. After I got back I didnt want her to think that I somehow breezed through all of this, and told her. She called me the next day, and asked me to marry her.

So I freaked out for 2-3 days. Since that never having been an option, I wasnt prepared for that idea. I know she doesnt want me for my money, or my looks, or just about anything I could figure out. I KNEW whay I wanted her (spend 5 minutes with her, and you will know exactly what I mean).

Then I called her, told her if she wanted to make me a trophy husband, I would consider it, and would she fly out here and meet my therapist. Unfortunately, I found out just how unromantic and unsophisticated I am at all this. (Im not making this up).

She came out, and a serious of fortunate events happenned and I slipped a ring in her drink (a bellini martini). She said yes. and if you ask me why, all I can say is she digs me. And I still cannot figure it out.

My kids are both excited, and conflicted. I have spent 8 years doing nothing but raising them. Only them. And now there are lots of questions like "Is there space for me?" and "I feel guilty Im not as excited as my Dad wishes I were". It is deep parenting all over again. They LOVE Danielle, and Danielle loves them. In fact, Im not sure I would be as lucky if it were just me. But at the same time, there is no substitute for patience and Grace.

In this I am learning to think like God. I love my daughters, but they dont control my life. I will sacrifice everything I can for their well being, but not compromise truth. and as they feel guilty and conflicted or cofused or emotional, the thing that is clear is "I LOVE YOU ANYWAY". Actually even more than that. "I KNOW WHAT YOUR HEART IS SAYING IN REACTION TO THIS EMOTION< AND I LOVE YOU JUST THE SAME AS I EVER DID!!!!"

To be loved is great. To be known and loved is much better. To be loved, and known, and be loved without any perceptive change is God.