A point of clarification

It turns out that no matter what I think, Danielle feels she did not ask me to marry her. While I disagree, she is uncomfortable with my statements in my previous posts. Therefore, I have to learn to be a good husband, and publish her statement from a recent chat with her:

"i don't feel like i asked you to marry me. it doesn't mean i wouldn't have, but you asked me."

Ladies and Gentlemens, I aksed her first, and she only advertised in advance. I asked her first, she said yes.

I was wrong.

Updates to life

Well life sure has gotten wild.....

I went to KC a few weeks ago to visit with some friends. During that visit, we stayed in a house full of lovely people, and one in particular...

After I got home, I called the lovely lady in particular, and told her that it was hard for me to be around her again. You see we had seriously dated last year, and then it became clear she had to go away. It was so wonderful being with her when I was. It took all the courage I had to tell her she made me twitterpated after 8 years of being alone, and 4 years of an ugly marriage, anf 24 previous years of dysfunction. But somehow I did. And we had fun. But she left.

When I saw her again, it was easier and harder than I thought. After I got back I didnt want her to think that I somehow breezed through all of this, and told her. She called me the next day, and asked me to marry her.

So I freaked out for 2-3 days. Since that never having been an option, I wasnt prepared for that idea. I know she doesnt want me for my money, or my looks, or just about anything I could figure out. I KNEW whay I wanted her (spend 5 minutes with her, and you will know exactly what I mean).

Then I called her, told her if she wanted to make me a trophy husband, I would consider it, and would she fly out here and meet my therapist. Unfortunately, I found out just how unromantic and unsophisticated I am at all this. (Im not making this up).

She came out, and a serious of fortunate events happenned and I slipped a ring in her drink (a bellini martini). She said yes. and if you ask me why, all I can say is she digs me. And I still cannot figure it out.

My kids are both excited, and conflicted. I have spent 8 years doing nothing but raising them. Only them. And now there are lots of questions like "Is there space for me?" and "I feel guilty Im not as excited as my Dad wishes I were". It is deep parenting all over again. They LOVE Danielle, and Danielle loves them. In fact, Im not sure I would be as lucky if it were just me. But at the same time, there is no substitute for patience and Grace.

In this I am learning to think like God. I love my daughters, but they dont control my life. I will sacrifice everything I can for their well being, but not compromise truth. and as they feel guilty and conflicted or cofused or emotional, the thing that is clear is "I LOVE YOU ANYWAY". Actually even more than that. "I KNOW WHAT YOUR HEART IS SAYING IN REACTION TO THIS EMOTION< AND I LOVE YOU JUST THE SAME AS I EVER DID!!!!"

To be loved is great. To be known and loved is much better. To be loved, and known, and be loved without any perceptive change is God.

stuff i think: The Bohlender Adoption Benefit Dinner

stuff i think: The Bohlender Adoption Benefit Dinner

Get in on this. Link to it, and tell people. No questions asked.

Its time for some payback

Prov 6:30-31
30 Men do not despise a thief if he steals to satisfy himself when he is hungry;
31 But when he is found, he must repay sevenfold; He must give all the substance of his house.
(NAS)


I was just woken up from a bunch of nasty weird dreams by my daughter who is experiencing her classic “I’m scared” stuff she experiences sometimes at night. She will act all distraught and when I ask her why she will say “I don’t know”. In reality it tends to be tied to something, but it results in this uncontrollable, un centered fear that gets her stuck.

This night I realized it was the enemy much earlier than I normally do. And I realized that today as soon as I sent out an invitation to come to my house for music and soaking and prayer etc… within about 3 hours I was experiencing some kind of mental warfare, and it progressed to this.

I remember reading the above verse, and also realizing that the enemy is cursed to eat dust. He is the original theif. We are made from the dust. In a way, we are the enemy’s food. He prowls around trying to eat us. So I prayed and told God I was releasing the enemy to judgment, and for God to pass judgment on my behalf and convict the enemy of stealing from me and force the enemy to repay seven fold what he has stolen. I then began to state what it was.

For all th fear he has sown in my life, and stolen from me faith and hope and the like, he must let go of 7 times that. For all the lust and perversion, I am due intimacy. For all the darkness and apathy, I am due 7 times the revelation. For all the health, and moeny and on and on….

I then asked God to set up boundaries around me, and anytime the enemy steals, to please let me know, and make him pay back.

I cannot say I have a great prayer life, and don’t stand up well in this, but it is a start. As I prayed this I began to see God as an intense Eagle. And His eyes had spinning things in them, and He was quite fierce looking. I receive this as a sign I was getting revelation. And I felt led to write this out, and share it with the people coming tomorrow (or actually today). I didn’t want to forget.

stuff i think: An Eschatalogical Freakonomics Moment

stuff i think: An Eschatalogical Freakonomics Moment

Just my take on it....I am the typical christian, who spends very little time reading or studying the bible (but have read Left Behind), doesnt pray as much as I would like, can barely concerntrate on anything spiritual without tremndous grace.

I have little to no interest in the study of Eschatology, and tend to be verbal about it. I dont believe there is much of anything wrong with it, and I really like the way I hear it presented in some of the stuff Randy has done.

I read the Left Behind series. I loved it. Danielle refers to it as a comedy, and some others refer to it as a doctrine of demons.

What I enjoyed so much about it was the descriptive parts, about Israel gathered together for example. The overcoming of Gods grace, the ability of God to cause a person to die for Him. I ached and even cried because of how beautiful it sounded. It was much more vivid to me than reading a paragraph in Acts about Stephen.

So basically Im interested in seeing God manifested, and neat things like the manifestation of promises etc..But Im not interested in STUDYING and/or talking and thinking about and reading scripture about and trying to figure out all sorts of opinions about and debating eschatology. I bet Im the more typical example of this demographic. I do not know anyone that is interested in the end times that hasnt lived in KC. But I will say that the most passioniate and provoking people I have ever met are fully immersed into a confident revelation of immenant return of Christ.

I have never in my walk ever heard much about it (outside of Hal Lindsey and TBN et al debating back and forth) and the only conclusion I could come to is I can do nothing about it, regardless of what conclusion I come to.

I dont feel negative about this, I hope I dont come accross like that. Only that while I have been one of the many that read that series, and really enjoyed it, I wouldnt ever imagine thinking about it past that.

My single biggest issue right now is not when or if or how Christ is coming back. It is am I doing anything about following Him right now. Am I putting one foot in front of the other towards Him. For me, eschatology hasnt seemed to catch my attention.