In response to Danielle

Danielle sent me a nice email....

"Could you update your blog? I am tired of reading this one. "

isn't that sweet? Someone actually reads this, AND they read it over and over again. Sweet and Scary...

I of course corrected here, and said all she really wanted was another opinion, and we all know what those are like...

to which she responded:

"What I should have said was, "Sean, I need an opinion. Can you give me one?" :)"

isn't that even more wonderful???

My not so humble opinion today is the very frightening reality of narcissistic ministry, and how concerned I have gotten about how easy it is for me to slip into it.

It has been a long time since I have ever been around or involved in anything outward/public focused. And as God is drawing me out of a season of intentionally staying away from it I am trying to navigate the chasm.

I watched some friends during their concert Saturday night. They minister a prophetic, musical kind of thing and have traveled a lot to do this. As they do their "thing" I saw some fascinating processes happen. Most people were watching and passive. Despite the admonitions and encouragement to the people to grab a hold of things and receive them for themselves as their hearts got stirred. They quickly settled into a passive role.

When this happens, intuitively people look for someone to do the work. And this is where I saw things get goofy.

As our own gifts start moving, and Holy Spirit is present and seeking to encourage the Body, we start "clicking". I was starting to flow with a lot, and could see a lot happening. And then I realized how easy it would be to just start running. I can only describe it as if I was looking over the edge of a cliff, and it would be sooooooo easy to just go with it and find myself jumping right off.

For many people I know, that is their ideal situation. The common message is to admire intensity, and live on the edge. See how much anointing can be released, and how much we can see.

I got to tell you this scares me. Because at that very point, all sorts of weakness and brokenness are ready to take advantage. Not only is it easy to just start moving iny our gifts, but it is extremely easy to get carried along with them, and then go past them into things that may not even be God. And for the most part, when a group of people are in a passive mode, they wont stop you. They actually like to be passive, and let someone do it for them. Discernment goes out the window.

ON BOTH ENDS.

I realized how easy it is for me to get stirred up, and move forward. As I do, endorphins and adrenalin and all sorts of things are flowing. I am spiritually, physically, mentally, and emotionally charged. And it seems like everything is working. The passive people are giving me lots of feedback in all sorts of ways that they are enjoying this. God is doing His thing, and I am somehow caught in the middle. I am feeling good, in fact I am rushing.

And then my weakness and my brokenness start playing with the flow. Feeling alienated? Amazing how the prophetic flows towards people that are going to give you good feedback. Feeling lonely? That pretty girl with the father issues starts popping up in the prophetic crosshairs more and more. Feeling angry or resentful about that leader that just couldn't see eye to eye? All of a sudden all sorts of language and attention shift.

Wow. In all this, God works through, around, and over our issues. And yet we have an obligation to address our stuff, and not take for granted the patience of God, or think that we can leave these thing up to Grace. Grace covers it, and we will always need it, but I have to learn where it is my job to be transparent and vulnerable and interdependent with those that are safe.

And that might be the fear and trembling part.