The nature of worship and devotion

Not like I can expound on this in any prfound way, but here are some concepts that came to me inprayer and music today....

1. God is not some NARCISSTIC BEING.

For example, I believe that most of the teaching and examples we have of worship portray God as this being at the center of creation with people/beings fawning over HIM. And while it is totally reasonable to respond to HIS awesome Person this way, it ISNT BECAUSE HE NEEDS IT!!!!

I am not really sure that God made a bunch of things to worship HIM just because He gets off on it. In every other way God is self-actualized (bad word but I dont know how to express it). He doesnt NEED us to be whole, He is what wholeness is. And yet He makes Himself vulnerable to us somehow.

But somehow along the way I have gotten some legalistic idea God wants to be worshipped and created a whole eternal party where He is the center and walks around benevolently condescending to the party goers who got it right enough to get His attention.

I didnt make this up!! I was taught it in several different ways, directly and indirectly. There are the "protocol" specialists that think Holy Spirit cannot fellowship without the right lighting and sophistication (HOW DID I GET SAVED THEN?). The others are convinced you must "breakthrough" and scream in tongunes until you have a spiritual awakening.

Still others explain God has a method, and this method must be adhered to specifically (Praise, Worship, Prayer, Confession) etc... types of worship, experiences blahblahblah

I cannot even list all of it, but I swear I have been battling this perception that worship is somehow this context of climbing up a process hill to end up at a poin t or state of connection.

2. Worship was created for us, not Him. We dont really recognize what worship is. We use that term as a verb when really I am thinking of it more as an adjective (I think that would be right
). Worship is relating to God directly, and there are conditions that are required, just as they are for relating to anyone, but the worship itself is not the requirements, it is the very act of connecting with Him.

I dont think I am making sense yet, but I am trying...

3. Devotion. In prayer and "worship" (I was connecting with God) I really began to sense the role of Bride to Him. When I was married (and it wasnt a healthy ,marriage so the model begins breaking down eventually) while it was nice to have someone really fawn over you, it was a million different actions that made a huge impact. Coming over to work and sharing lunch with me, bringing the baby by to see me or call me on the phone, trusting me to make a good decision, laying her head on my shoulder and just resting, allowing me to rest my head in her lap and just be quiet. For everyone there is personal things that mean a lot more than a constant stream of "devotion" type word.

It would be embarassing to have someone you are married to constantly bragging about you, bragging about you to your face, always approaching you with words and action like we do in gatherings. It would be insane actually.

I dont know if this connects well, but I need to understand relating to God past all the trappings and rote and routine that has been presented, and realize He is a REAL PERSON. Although not human, humanity reflects Him, and He desires relationship with us, but I doubt seriously He is hoping for a bunch of people to keep telling Him how wonderful He is over and over again and never going deeper into KNOWING. We all like to be loved and admired, but that is shallow compared to the richness of relating to each other deeply.

I will stop now....