Take off eh Part Deux!!!!

I had a great time up north. The people were friendly, and the town of Lethbridge was quite a quaint place.

I like this picture because it was May 9th, at 8:30 pm, and the sun was still quite high. This far north really changes things.





This is the casino that took all my fun money, plus my other money, plus some of my food money…. Well not really but close.








This is dedicated to Kerri, our short comedian friend who tells tall tales about stealing personal hygiene products from hotels The hotel I stayed in was so sophisticated, the products themselves actually told me what to do, and how to do it, like CLEANSE, SOFTEN, SCRUB. The main problem I have now is certain things are far softer than I anticipated, and my sense of taste and smell has been greatly impacted for the worse.








This pillows explain themselves, and have an odd parallel to my marriage. Ill let you guess who is who.

I wish I could claim that this picture had intentional prophetic implication, but it was purely by accident.






My kids might honestly force me to come back with them purely for the thrill of a hotel with a waterslide INSIDE it. For most of the country, this is not odd, for us in California, this is weird.


I had some more problems here…





As I was getting “interviewed” (I didn’t bring my birth certificate, and they wanted to make me feel sorry for it) an alarm went off. Literally, the man talking to me dropped what was in his hands, and turned and RAN to the edge of the building, along with every other law enforcement present. I don’t think I have ever seen people react so quickly en masse as that.

I had no clue what to do, and so I made sure to stand a still and quiet as possible. My mind was racing with the reality that someone was crashing the border, and the people who were my only hope of getting in the USA to catch my flight to go home were now on “high alert” ready to defend, protect and serve me. But all I really wanted was to get going.

It didn’t occur to me then, but does now that would have been the perfect time to pick up my key and drivers license, and quietly walk out, get into my car, and drive off!!!

Had things gone bad, and an “incident” occurred, I could have been stuck in the middle of a nightmare. I want you all to know I was ready to do my part and defend the town of Sweetgrass Montana, and the whole entire US of A from any and every threat, especially from (as it turns out) Canadians who follow directions, and dive just a few feet further than they were supposed to (like 10) for a vehicle inspection!!! Those darn Canadians almost declared war, and I was willing to “take one for the team”. I was seconds away form taking my Jaclyn Smith Charlies Angles pose and shoot at something.

Take off eh!!!!

So I was on my way to Lethbridge, Alberta Canada...

I flew into Great Falls, Montana. What a pretty place. I havent seen this much sky and space outside of being in the ocean. We flew in over the Grand Tetons, and then into this tremendous prarie. It was green and lush, and had these awesome mountains/bluffs in the distance. I was right on the Missouri River, which is odd, because I am so far West.

As I drove, I tried to take pictures, but they dont seem to do justice.

But an odd thing ahppenned when I got to the border. I guess not having a birth certificate is a bad thing. As dumb as that is, becuase it sure would be easy to forge one.

It seems Canada doesnt like the idea of people coming accross the border doing work for Canadian Companies. Despite NAFTA, it is a big no no to do work someone in Canada could be doing. However, I told the nice man in the bulletproof vest in a SECURE building, that as the owner of the company, I was confident I had not ever certified anyone in Canada to train or support my software, and would he please beleive me.

He did ask if there was anything else I was planning on doing in Canada, and after I informed him about my desire to paly poker and smoke cuban cigars (both TOTALLY legal here), he signed a yellow slip and let me in!!!!

The only problem will be getting out, or in esscense back in to the US.

Where is Randy Bohlender when someone needs him? He could blog so much about this whole adventure, especially because he grew up in a place that looks JUST LIKE this.....

Laying Fallow

Fallow ground is usually interpreted as negative. However, letting land "lay fallow" is a good thing in both agricultural terms, and within context of the Sabbath rest commanded.

When land lays fallow, 2 things happen. Nutrients fall on the surface.
Leaves, debris, snow, water etc... collect. As well, grasses grow, and some grasses have extremely deep roots (alfalfa has roots that can go 20-30 feet!). Thos roots draw nutrients up to the surface, from deep places.

Then the process of turning over the earth happens. In order to sow seeds into a soft, and receptive place, the earth has to be plowed, essentially taking the first 12-18 inches and flipping it over. As that happens, all the nutrients get out under the surface, and all the bacterial life and such under the surface get exposed to sunlight and air.

Then the seed is sown into a good place, with nutrients and accessible ground. Then a harvest.

The time span between laying fallow and a harvest can be at LEAST 2 growing seasons, sometimes more. The time of resting, the time of getting plowed, the time of sowing, and the time of harvest.

Some of the things we pray now, are part of one of those seasons, and the harvest of it could be a year or 2 away, and the experiences in between the prayer and the harvest could be totally different than the burden you experience during the prayer.

Don't be confused. Faith is what keeps us within the context of the original prayer. But there is another issue here...

When we see people, and desire to call them out into something (unfortunately it is usually somehting on our agenda or personality) we MUST learn the difference between someone being passive, and someone actively laying fallow.

The passive person is usually full of any combination of guilt, self hatred, fear, discouragement, brokenness, rejection, condemnation etc... and the message to get up and do something, and be something just sounds like one more condemning message, one more expectation being placed on the shoulders of someone who has experienced so much frustration and failure already, that is is at best useless, at worst, ensuring even more passivity.

What God showed me they need is to be bright to a place of truly knowing God is with thim IN the place they are at. The care and concern, and the true personal advocacy of Holy Spirit right in and alongside the place a person finds themselves. God with them, regardless of whether they EVER take a step out of that place.

The person laying fallow, needs to be blessed and affirmed that they are doing the right thing, and are obedient. We MUST make room for people in this place in life, and even encourage others to follow that example as God leads.

Not discerning the times rightly in peoples life leads to tremendous heartache when you try to minister to them. I am watching very well intentioned people stepping out in their own personalities and gifts, urging people to get active, for the most part because thats where their own soul is at. My concern is that by moving out in the flesh like this, we can run the risk of sticking our fingers into other peoples lives and combat the very things God is doing.

Beginning to get a picture

As I obsess over the immediate....

My mind was really occupied yesterday about the morning experience. It is an interesting thing, perhaps even a quirk. I can get very consumed with something, and until I get through enough of it, I cannot let go.

There have been several significant ingredients in this soup I find myself in:

1. My experience at The Well. This was very ugly for the most part, however several dreams, encounter with God, and deep healing sessions helped separate the ugly and bad things from the reality of what God meant. I am sure God knew it all would happen, and took advantage of my will to provide ways of healing and deliverance for me through all this.

2. My subsequent process of letting go of any and all preconceptions about God, the Church, the Bible, etc... and stepping back. I then began to seek God about what HE says, not about what I had been "taught". Im all for teaching, receive the gift of it, heck I even DO that on a regular basis with my own business. But in Scripture it is PERFECTLY CLEAR that the Holy Spirit leads us into all truth. To ignore that is to do so at my own peril. It is far too easy for me to all others to tell me what they think (or even what they think they know!) and integrate that into my beliefs. Instead, I needed to repent of that, and start over. I probably should do that more often.

As I did, I really got confronted with my own idolatry. And it hurt! But as I went through that, I began to feel more and more free. In fact I began to see how so much of that stuff I had been taught mixed with my own inherent brokenness really facilitated the dysfunctions I experienced. My choices were all MY OWN FAULT, however the unholy marriage of my own choices, coupled with a willing system that provides a fantastic structure for dependence and dependent relationships, really got bad.

3. My prior experiences at "Churches". While I believe that 99.9% of my experiences were with well meaning, sincere people, I got a vastly different picture of what and who the Body is, and how it is supposed to work than what I see in basic scripture, let alone in the deeper ways to study cultural and original language to get past the inherent biases of interpreters. Wow. I dont recall seeing anything truly related to NT practice outside of the multiple dinners we all used to have with each other, and some slight stirrings of Holy Spirit.

4. One other thing that is beginning to come up to the surface is my previous experience within the Church growing up before I left it to pursue the world. I didn’t think much about this as it is so long ago, and I was so young. However, I think the hyper-religious envirnoment my poor parents were exposed to has some bearing on my frustrations within the Body at large. I might actually be working out something far outside my generation!

5. My good friend Randy Bohlender (who no longer BLOGS!!!! at least publicly) told me something a few years ago as I was twisting and writhing pulling out of a season of purging and healing that he felt God was going to do something in the future that would surprise me, and put me in a place where I would be dealing with this stuff.

6. I just started another fast/pray cycle, and this issue is immediately in my face.

So anyway, as I stumble around in this place, trying to get a picture of what God is saying and leading me into (or not leading me into), I have gobs of revelation and experiences that prove it is by no means accidental, or self created. It is all part of tremendous work God is doing to make me more intimate with Him, and more fruitful!

Im so confused?

What an interesting day so far (it is 10:03 am).

I woke up and went to a prayer meeting at a local group. From time to time, as God leads, I will go and pray. I started going about 3-4 weeks ago with a really strong word from God. I have been praying for this group off and on (mostly off) for about 18 months. Here is some back story:

I believe God made it clear to me that He was going to visit them. It was exciting! And in the midst of that, He rebuked me quite well. He looked at me and said "Im going to go visit them, want to come?" and I said "No", and He said "Ok" and turned and walked away. And He turned back to look at me over His shoulder. I realized that I was missing something somehow...

My history with this group, or at least some of the individuals, goes back almost 15 years. I love them, and care about them. But in my broken travels, I have come to some rather different perspectives about the nature of "The Church" and How it gathers, and Why etc... So for me, "attending" church doesn’t even compute any longer. In fact, at first, I was so disconnected from all the process and the language and the environment, I really felt out of place when Iwent to see what God was doing.

But I realized I should go and see what God was doing. He showed me through some very significant experiences that He was indeed going to move among that particular group, and that they were fairly unaware. They have lots of input about it, but for the most part, didn’t seem to realize the depth of the situation is, or at least on a different way than I did.

So I began to pray for them etc... and it became very hard. The "culture" of "Church" can be so varied that it can be a real impediment to connection. As well, I have my own baggage like everyone else, and I also prefer smaller, more flexible environments.

Anyhow, I burned out. I couldn’t take the conflict between what I saw God wanting to do and doing, and the actual situation. I simply don’t have the character or the temperament to really help or be fruitful, and really backed down.

Then God broke me during a recent fast, and I heard about this prayer group, and figured it was a good place for me to participate. Then I started getting so much revelation, and for the most part it was so well received, I actually blew a few circuits, and began to dominate the prayer meeting!!! UGGGHHHH. But thankfully, a little help and input from an old friend helped me stabilize.

This a.m., I really wanted to bring an IHOP CD for one of the men facilitating it, because I felt like it would help give some perspective on different types of intercession, especially long lasting, constant intercession. But I have given all of them away. When I got there, someone had brought one! WOW. And it was a hit.

Within minutes, people are really connecting with a flow. At one point I had to go cry a little, because it felt like I was releasing a little of a burden I had been carrying around for them.

Anyhow, someone came and asked me about IHOP, and as I explained to them, they asked me about hot people facilitate this type of thing. We talked about it, and they asked if it was something I could do. I’m fairly confident in what God has given me, and I have some experience on a basic level with similar things, so I explained I could in certain ways.

Then a conversation began that just unwound me. The question about "How committed to this church are you?", "How do you fellowship?" etc... and the view of submission, what that means etc... This is all happening within a prayer meeting! LOL.

I was so out of my head, all I could do is give some simple ideas about where I am at. It had been such a long time since I have had to think and articulate about all this, I found myself at a loss. Pat Terminology doesn’t help, how deep do we have to dialog, scripture references etc...

I am really confused. I think. I have had to go through such a reprogramming about what the Church is, How it works, what leadership is, what servanthood is, the nature of submission etc... But it doesn’t gel with the very part of the Body I have been given a burden for.

I don’t know how to navigate all this. I have at least 5-6 people who at any minute can call me up and tell me "You are out of line" and call me on something. Is that "submission"? I have deep relationships with people that know everything good and bad, and we talk regularly. Is that "accountability"? I have yet to have the wonderful experience of "mentoring", but I would love to have some input from someone farther on than me on a regular basis. I believe I should submit to everyone out of Love for Christ, not just a special thing for someone who has been appointed a "leader". I look for how to submit in any given situation, first to God, and then to however He is leading.

I don’t want to ever subjugate the preeminence of Christ as Head of the Body to myself, let alone to anyone else. I don’t want to ever get caught in another situation where the leading of the Holy Spirit in the life of a believer is put up for grabs by men. Christ died for the individual, not anything else. To inject myself in that Holy relationship seems inconsistent with Scripture.

And I’m not a person looking for a mission. I’m not a resource waiting to be used by someone. I’m not a man looking for a purpose. In fact most of my calling has to do with those outside the Body, at least that is what has been made clear to me lately. I don’t know how long that will be.

Anyhow, I find myself really stumped. The only real thing I’m concerned about is following HIM. If he is saying "I don’t care about their structure, I don’t care about the details" then I should too. But I don’t understand what that means about how I am supposed to help and encourage and participate, if at all.

Easter Music

I realized that of all the holidays, Easter really is the most defining. It is called the culmination of the "Christian Calendar", and I think that makes sense. But in reality, like all these holidays, I should be living it everyday, rather than just thinking about it once a year, and making it a big deal.

I sat down and meditated and prayed out the imagery of Christ Risen, and Glorified. I had to picture it, and I felt Him help me. My goal is just to focus myslef, and connect with the reality of this.

Feel free to listen and participate. Stretch your imagination. Dont just sit and let some institutional structure initiate a ritual. Take that, and build on it. Ask for help, and see HIM.

http://www.brokenbreadmusic.com/Easter-2007.mp3

Right click, save as.....

Odd Thoughts and Ends

I listened to a few preachers the other day and as I contemplated what they said, other thoughts came to mind.

1. When Satan tempted Eve, there was far more to this than we think. His message to her essentially was "God knows when you eat this, you will be like Him, and He doesn’t want you to have that. He is holding back from you".

I would add that he made that claim by his own twisted personal experience! He could have easily followed up with "I know firsthand, because He held that back from me, even though I was the chief worshipper. I spent all of my creation in His Presence, giving Him glory and all that He asks, and yet after all that service He held back from me all the good stuff, all the reward."

This is to a woman who was experiencing complete and perfect fellowship with God. Literally the very thing she was made for. It couldn’t have gotten any better for her, only more mature. There wasn’t anything or anyway for her to have more than what she had, because God had given her HIMSELF.

I think it can even go farther than that, but perhaps you get the picture. I think of friends, acquaintances, loved ones etc... who are hoping for things, and chasing things, and I cannot help but think about the pain of feeling let down, or withheld from, or that elusive "IT" that they believe God isn’t going to ever give them. And some will look at years of service or works etc... and secretly get angry over why they don’t get their "payoff".

And even deeper under this is the idea that I simply want to be directing my own life. That there is something better and beyond, and if I could just grab it, I could somehow be better off. It creates a vicious cycle of hoping in falsehood, and not being right here, right now, and engaging God for where I am at.

2. We have explained the warning of Jesus at the end "Depart from me I never knew you" as a scary thing. How can people truly raise the dead, and heal the sick etc... and not know God? And our answers are typically consistent with whatever theology we have at the moment (intimacy, lack of intimacy, authority in the Name of Christ vs. relationship, 7 sons of Sceva etc...).

Recently hearing something a man preached about, I realized we have an example in Scripture that hints at it. When the disciples were sent out, they came back saying "Wow Jesus, even the demons submit to us IN YOUR NAME". These people were not born again, had not been forgiven of their sins in the classic sense we all know (Christ had not been crucified), they didn’t have the indwelling of the Spirit. and yet they all keyed off the Name of Christ being the sufficient power to do everything.

Now the metaphor breaks down because they were walking with Jesus, literally. However, Jesus, full of joy, is thrilled at the results. And He reminds them not to get their identity from the works of the Kingdom, but the relationship they have with the King.

We hear this preached as some kind of rebuke, and yet Jesus was so full of joy the words underneath imply leaping and rejoicing. He was excited that God was now releasing the same ministry to the world that He Himself had begun. All He wanted to do is make sure they weren’t lost in the works, but rooted in the identity of being loved and called and connected to Him.

Is it possible God even directs people, in HIS OWN NAME, to do the works of the Kingdom, and yet knows full well they simply have no interest in Him? At the end of the Age we see people claiming to have literally done the works of the Kingdom, and yet Christ explains to them they are not a part of Him.

To go too far is wrong here. God doesn’t tempt people with sin, but I think the idea comes through.

Why does all this matter? I think for me it matters because it reveals an undercurrent of work (flesh) that desires to get my life under my control, to get what I’m afraid is being held back from me, and the potential to go off and use power and revelation etc... for my own, and then slowly but surely migrate away from relationship with Christ is a reality. In fact, the more work, and the more revelation, the more I might be tempted to grasp it myself.

Stop Coasting....

I have recently got reaccquainted with a burden and a word from God about a group of people, and I recorded something as way to try and contribute to them. I also feel like if anyone would benefit from this, they are free to use it as any help they might have for prayer, or simply praying along with.

It is important to know that I dont consider words more powerful than music per se.... I try to communicate what I need to to God, and what I think God is communicating, and sometimes words are good, mostly declarative. I listened to this today on a long car ride, and at times, some of the bell sounds I could feel picking away at pockets of my heart. So please ask the Spirit to interact with you, and interact with Him using your imagination, and agree and declare right along with anything.

If you are coasting, you are going downhill...

Right click and save as.

As usual, the disclaimer.... It isnt professional, isnt meant to be, and if you have a theological problem with anything I say, pray about it and ask God to bring me into more of His truth.

Blessings....

http://www.brokenbreadmusic.com/coasting.mp3

So much provision

It all started with a prophetic word... about finances.

Watching the OneThing conference live on GodTV, Mr Bickle says (1st person God style) "I want integrity in your finances, I will be gentle with you".

I was touched. Most people (myslef included) would assume I have some integrity in finances. I try to be really carefule about how I conduct it, and definitely stay within the spirit of the laws etc...

But I realized some of my recent activities, while not illegal, were not consistent with what God wanted. And to change them right at that moment (Dec 28/29th) would be impacting financially, and make it difficult to do what was needed.

But I took the plunge. And then I started a fast. Because I realized I had gone from someone who could empty his bank account on an impression, who could see money as a simple tool, to who had seen God provide over and over again, to someone hardened, and fearful, and planning in my own strength. And I needed to get softer.

Within 2 weeks, I lost most of my main income. We were walking into a house that was in serious fix up need, and we thought we could get it for a song. As we walked in, I got a call on my cell, and it ended up being a call telling me I no longer had a job with a company, and lost several thousands a month.

And then a funny thing happenned. I felt as if God were repositioning me. I had felt like I had made a wrong choice in going to work with these people when I did. and I felt relieved. And a little shocked. I flet like it had been coming for a while, and it turns out they had too.

Since then, I realized we are in better shape than anyone would imagine. I think God kept us from buying a house, because by all indicators since then, the market isnt even close to the bottom. Master SOlutions is no picking up a little. Im back into the mode I had been for years, and it seems to be working.

Then at the end of the fast, God visits! I wasnt expecting this. I was fasting for a softening of heart. He comes and explains all sorts of things to me, how I am wired, why, what He wants me to do. All sorts of leadings and thoughts for years begin to make sense. And He re-prioritizes my life in a strange way.

I know many who have had seemingly opposite experiences. Im not saying this as if to say this is how it should be, but many things are being activated, and God is not just fulfilling things, He is being far more generous than I even realize. He is winning my heart again, and encouraging me to soften up and let Him work. I give Him an inch, and He takes a mile.

There have been other, very hurtful things that have happenned recently. Accusations of awful things, and trials we have gotten to go through. And yet I keep feeling HIM leading us. He is so much more than I deserve.

BrokenBread Music Pt 2

Im going to post here when we upload new music to brokenbreadmusic.com.

Why?

I dont know. Why do I even have a blog? But anyhow, as I record music, and prayer, I figure someone may want to useit for themselves, and stand in agreement with it and it might facilitate them as well.

It isnt well polished music. Intentionally. I dont like produced music usually. I dont like songs, I just like expression and creativity. I think it helps other non musicians out there connect and participate.

Anyhow, here are links to the songs I have,a nd will add more soon. I ask for any prayer and encouragement as the last week and a half God has been visiting me and showing me things, and it has a lot to do with music like this in public arenas. I have dreamed about it for years, and it is finally getting more and more concrete. It is daunting, and I can already feel the tension in my flesh, and in my family. I dont know how to navigate this stuff, and how to relax with it. So I will stumble around, make big mistakes, and get back up, and keep going on being loved and cared about until I am consistent with what HE wants.

You can right click on these and save them to your hard drive. They are mp3 formats and work well in Media Palyer, or winamp, or itunes etc...

http://www.brokenbreadmusic.com/02-18-07.mp3
Danie asked me to record something for her to listen to in the car.

http://www.brokenbreadmusic.com/09-26-06.mp3
Dont remember this one.

http://www.brokenbreadmusic.com/8-20-06.mp3
Or this one

http://www.brokenbreadmusic.com/ABigPicture.mp3
This was my need for God to give me a bigger vision/picture than my immediate situations. Looks like it was in Sept, so here I am 5 months later as it is getting answered.

http://www.brokenbreadmusic.com/GraceNeeded.mp3
Doesnt everyone need Grace?

http://www.brokenbreadmusic.com/justalittlemorerevelationmp3.mp3
I just want a little more revelation of HIM. I want to be changed just a little more. I want to be REPROGRAMMED!

Barrel Full 'o Grace

Danielle said she was rpaying for me the other night in bed, and she saw a picture of me. I was totally surrounded by a tremndous wall of Grace. She said the wall was very powerful, and that outside that wall there were lots and lots of darts coming at me. So many, that it would be scary.

I beleive it. There seems to be a sense of purpose and being carried right now. I would be devastated if the attacks were getting through. I just simply have to confess I dont have any ability to stand well. I so desparately need Grace it is almost offensive to me. Im right at that fleshly edge of despising myself for being so weak, except for the knowledge that I beleive that is the reality of our existence!

So waht is the first thing that comes to mond about a wall of Grace? Think about it, and get a picture of it.....

Got one yet?????

Here is how Danielle described mine to me. It is like a barrel, all around me, and I can only see about 6 inches in front of me! It isnt this big, beautiful, glowing, Angels singing, wall of fire thing. It is a simple humble barrel that is surrounding me, holding of the darts of my enemy. Im hoping it is a wine barrel, or a balsamic vinegar barrel, or a congac one, because I really like those things. My protection is a heavenly vinegar barrel.

"Here Sean, I love you. Wear this, and run through that field over there into your destiny. Gor for it, and DONT HAVE TOO MUCH FUN!!!!!"

HA! That is great. Our flesh runs with grandiosity. But my provision from God, My Father and My King, is a big thick barrel. Im even shaped like a barrel myself! And all I can guess is Im trudging through a wave of darts, and if I saw how many, or any farther than 6 inches, I would probably stop, sit down, and cry.

Isnt God GOOD? Isnt He so GENEROUS? Isnt He FAITHFUL? Grace to YOU right now in our Lord Jesus Christ.

How Sad?

It is with deep regret and joy that I now admit that the Bohlender/Steeno candidacy is over. Having gained momentum, they have decided that it would be a perfect time to quit.

Im both happy and sad. I so looked forward to being backward.

Bohlender/Steeno in 08

I would like to officially endorse a candidate for the 2008 Presidential Election.

Randy Bohlender has announced his choice for running mate, and has come up with a catchy slogan. These two things put him bald head and shoulder above any candidate already out there, and I think that is just ducky. Here are some things we know, or have heard, or just plain made up about his platform:

1. He has no party affiliation, but he likes a good party.

2. He believes in a strong bi-partisan gridlock, effectively bringing the government to an effective standstill allowing those of us who care the ability to truly engage self government the old fashioned way.

3. He is a staunch advocate for reducing our dependence on foreign ethanol. He has a plan to mix gasoline with it in order to help wean us off our deadly addiction to foreign "E".

4. He believes in relative Global Warming, especially in northern latitudes.

5. He doesn’t accept the argument that people are born skippers, but that they make choices to engage skipping, and can refrain if they wish. I have personally seen video tape with him interviewing the founder of the pro-skipping movement, and while I saw him "skip" he actually didn’t "inhale". Information can be found here

6. I did hear the phrase "World Peace through Aerobics" in his campaign headquarters, however most of his people looked like they are not members of any gym.

7. While rumors abound about his affiliation with a “Gun Club” there is no public evidence, and his position on gun control has yet to be determined, we do know that candidate Bohlender seriously opposes giving live ammunition to stupid people, effectively opening a door to true gun control.

All I can say is wow. I think Randy Bohlender provides a clear vision for homeo-politco-stasis, and is like a great bottle of wine: busy yet precocious, absurd yet flaccid, cheap, and full bodied. The Henrys urge you to join the campaign, and really constipate the wonderful federal republic we enjoy today.

You know you have the best family when...

on Wednesday you just looked at putting an offer on a house and getting preapproved for a mortgage, and then immediately you find out that you are losing your day job, and then find out Thursday that its all done by Friday and you got 2 weeks of income.

WOW.

And you know you have the best family when your wife lets you just lay your head on her chest, and she strokes your hair and the starts praying and telling God thagt she is not afraid and that He is the provider. And then she tells you she is confident, and believes in you. And the jokes about how great it is to marry a guy and 3 months later watch him get laid off!

Then you tell your kids, and your new wife comes in and sits down and you all discuss it and it turns into a learning lesson about how we trust God to lead us to the grass, and we have to bend down and eat it.

I have a woman in my life that is beyond worth. I cannot imagine what it would be like to get broadsided like this without her. And my children look at us, and trust us that things are ok, because they dont see stress and tension and fear.

Who can ask for more than that?

Go Faster Go

God is gracious, and He is helping me with this process of decomposition. As hed led me to deny certain things, He is helping me process the results.

Raw Food was easier this time than ever, but my energy level has taken some serious swings. The last few days I developed some problems in the back of my throat and tongue which hurt, but the real issue was total lack of energy. All I could do yesterday was lay around. I slept a little, worked a little, but all in all the day went by with me laying on a couch. Not tired in a sleepy way, tired in a weak way.

Today seems better. God also led me to remove some season Passes on my Tivo of things I really enjoy. I figured it must not be worth it for me if God is saying stop it.

GodTV has been a huge thing. I normally dont connect with "christian" TV, but the content on this channel is fantastic. And there really is a tangible anointing on a lot of the pieces. I seriously encourage you to watch it either online or via DirectTV, and then I encourage you to support it.

So if God asks me to give up some things, or remove some things, it isnt because He doesnt want me to have some things. I am guessing He is removing props that I rely on that allow me to stay hard hearted. For some people, these things arent the issue, for me maybe they are. I read recently in a book how this man realized he was like a crowded city, and nothing could be added unless something was removed. No rennovation was possible. I think thats my problem.

Im packed with stuff. Good and bad. But what I need is some relief. I need some rennovation. Truthfully, a spiritual enema is probably more in line. I need external help to remove internal spiritual plaque. I could take the metaphor further, but I will spare you.

Married UP?

With all the respect due to my friend Randy, I think I married up fruther. That is mainly because I was so far down the totem pole to start with.

My wife has a birthday today. My WONDERFUL wife has a birthday today. This is important for one of several reasons.

1. She is now closer to my age, which makes me feel less old.

2. She was born. Had she not been born, I would be wandering around more confused than normal.

3. It forces me to stop and think about how much I like her.

4. It gives me a chance to show her off.

Danie, I love you a lot more than Im able to process. Im so glad for your life, and the life you share with me....

Dear IHOP Folks

I wanted to relate some recent experiences that I hope might encourage you. This happenned on Saturday.

Have you ever been sitting at home listening to the IHOP, and what the person prayed began to happen to you? I just did.

It was almost 9 am Sat (PST) and a girl got on the mike and prayed for all the people attending the Onething. I was just sitting on my couch, resting and praying about some things. I overheard her pray and thought “Hey, I went to the Onething on GodTV”. She started praying, and I drifted off into some thoughts and prayers. Next thing I know, Im yawning, but not a normal type of yawn. It is the type where I am actually going through deliverance. It just keeps bubbling up and out. Then I realize both the girl and the people praying (I had kind of tuned out in a way) were asking God to fill them with the Spirit of Might in the inner man etc… and I realized…

God was answering their prayers at that very moment and was displacing things that were in me crowding out the truth and the presence of God!!!!!!! At that very moment, and in the very way they were asking.

Some of you might say "DUH". God answers prayers Sean, thats why we do this.

I wish I knew who it was, as I would run and tell her because Im not sure if when we pray we realize how strongly and definitively our prayers are answered. In addition, if I simply “attended” OneThing because of getting the chance to watch it on GodTV, how many MILLIONS (10? 100? 200?) of people just got touched all over the world whether they realized it or not? WOW. Is it possible one simple prayer of faith from one person could have altered 200+ million people at that moment?

I also spent some time this am and played along with some keyboard player (I think Danie said it is Justin Rizzo?). I plugged my computer output into my soundboard, and then put on headphones and played music and prayed as the sun came up. It really helped me connect. I sound pretty good when someone that skilled is playing! LOL.

Another interesting thing was during Onething, Mike spoke a prophetic word about integrity in finances. I had been wrestling with what to do as Master Solutions has significant (for us) amount of $$ in the bank that we are using for development projects for our next generation of product. It is vital I complete this. However, because of the way out company is structured, all that money was considered income, and taxable. I was basically going to lose anywhere from 20-30% of it just because I hdnt spent it yet. I couldn’t figure out what to do, and was trying to understand if there was any way to save it. At the SAME EXACT TIME, I am working on programming along with another guy. I had an idea how to work the money in a way that would keep us from paying taxes, and it was legal and fine.

BUT… What I didn’t realize at the time was that an interesting thing happened. On the same day I set up a process to move money around, I hit a wall in programming. All the work I had been doing literally stopped working. I hadn’t changed anything that I was aware of, but literally a form that worked the day before stopped working. For 4 days I wrestled with this. Then I watched the Onething on that Thursday, and Mike says basically “God is asking for integrity in finances. He will deal tenderly with you, let Him have it” There was more to it than that, but that part piqued my interest. That night Im sleeping and thinking about it. I wake up the next morning about 4:30 and start working again. I realize what I was doing with the money, while legal, was not appropriate for me. It might be fine for others, but God was putting His finger on it. I sat down, emailed the parties involved, canceled checks etc…

As I then truned my attention back to programming, EVERYTHING WORKED. Im not kidding. Within seconds, everything was fine. Not only that, but since then, I have had TREMENDOUS ability to learn, write, program, problem solve without the typical manic/depressive kind of up and down that normal when I get in this hyper creative, intense cycle.


I just thought some real world feedback for you all might be encouraging. I am going through yet another fairly deep cleansing and shifting, and a lot of it is being facilitated by what you all are doing. I think it is even more important to grasp how possibly inconsequential the actual physical prayer room is. Not that it isnt great, or that it so obviously facilitates prayer. But that if a simple prayer offerred in faith can do that, does it actually matter where it is prayed?

Think about it. When Kelsey Bohlender says she is trying to figure out ways moms with babies can pray "from home", there is nothing inherently less effective about it. Although the prayer room is awesome, and I love to be facilitated, the prayer itself is the thing.

I hope that this simple reminder of the results of prayer and effort you all have expended on behalf of the kingdom puts a face and a name on it. And I hope that it encourages you to RELEASE EVEN MORE AGGRESSIVE FAITH. DONT HOLD BACK. In fact if prayer creates that impact then I will:

God I agree with your design that the prayer of a righteous man or woman avails much. I agree that you are righteous, and that our faith in your perfect sacrifice makes us righteous. I release even greater power, faqith and vision in prayer to these people who contend for your purpose. I agree with you that all your promises will come forth in ever increasing measure for them, to them, and through them. I beleive that as they pray, it will become more and more obvious that it is YOU praying.

They will feel the power and the majesty of Your hand, Your Heart, Your mind, Your VOICE until they become prayer. They will see answers to prayer before they ask, they will see harvest at the same time as sowing. They will do might things because they KNOW YOU.

Im going to beleive that as I pray that (I write it out as a prayer) and you read it, I will be answered. In fact, as I just wrote that, God touched me.

a small wall

I hit a physical wall last night. Eating only raw food is great for you, but not if you like to exercises, especially lift weights. I have been on a roll lately, and working out every day in some way or another. I dont do a lot, but I try to always keep a demand on my body so that my metabolism is active, and Im maintaining some basic strength.


Uggghhhh. Last night, right about 6pm, my body got really tired. I wasnt sleepy, but my body was tired. And it started getting sore. I knew I simply hit the edge of my bodys ability to recover because ti simply isnt assimilating food, especially amino acids (e.g protein) fast enough to compensate for tissue generation and recovery. The only way to do this is supplement with something really available as far as amino acids, and that would be a protein shake.

So I will have small amounts of that during the next couple months. It keeps me fasting in general, but does allow for the need to exercise. I notice a lot better mental performance, and stability if I exercise.

In fact, I have been very productive lately developing the next generation of software for our company, and I think it is a combination of several things, one of which is exercise, brain chemistry (taking fish oil again for the last 2-3 months), and overall GRACE. Im not a good enough programmer to be doing what I have been doing lately. Im getting a lot of help from God.

I awoke this am after having a FOUL dream. I cannot tell if this is something that simply came by and "darted" me, or it is something I have left over from years of GIGO (Garbage In, Garbage Out) or it is one of those things where as your body detoxes, things get released and its just the way it is. Some of it was tied into my childhood though, so maybe God is stirring something that He can remove! That would be great.

Day 4

Whoever you are that read my previous posts and prayed for me, may it come back to you 30, 50, even 100 times.

I simply read one piece of scripture today, and it touched me. For many people, that is common. For me, it is like a revival. It simpyl doesnt happen often, and something so simple as reading about Jesus washing feet grabbed my heart...

In john 13, it says Jesus knew that He had done everything, and had authority over all things, and then He got up and washed the disciples feet. Right after that, Jesus explains that He IS their Master and Teacher, and yet the deeper model for them is His Actions as a servant. He even has to explain to Peter that it is necessary, that Peter simply wont be able to handle life without submitting to Him in this.

I realized that until we have a strong security in who we are (in Christ), and what we are about, we simply cannot truly serve one another. I mean, of course we CAN do things for each other, but we arent truly able to give with humility. Humility is knowing who you are, and what you are about truthfully, not arrogantly or unrighteously, whcih then frees you up to wholeheartedly serve, and my guess is without thought to how it would affect you because you are already settled.

Then I pictured in my mind Jesus doing that for me. I tried to receive it, and I just got teary eyed, and leaned forward and placed my head on His. Im emotional now thinking about it. It is far deeper in me than conscious thought. I dont know what is so moved, but I dont care.

This is such a luxury.

Its like an apricot seed....

My heart is. Well, maybe my spirit. I dont know exactly what it is, but I know the place of connection (conscious connection) with God has gotten harder, and more distant, and more removed from every day life. It is an abnormal thing for me to have revelation any more, or to have a sense of the Love and Grace and wonder of God. And because of this, my life is unfruitful and uncentered.

Its like a seed. Not a kernel, but a seed. Like in an apricot, where there is the skin, then that weird flesh, then the kernel, then inside the kernel is the actual seed. It takes so much effort and decomposition to break down the kernel, and to get the seed to even sprout...

Recently watching the Onething conference on the television, I had some wonderful refreshing. I need that. Some people seem to have an intensity of focus and ability to get and stay refreshed by thing like reading the bible, or prayer. I have NEVER had that. It seems to take quite a lot of external intensity for me to get to a place of conscious connection with God. And I went through a few mini deliverances, and some little bursts of infilling. As soon as that happens, BAM I'm myself again. I can see and hear Him more. I have more awe and wonder and faith. I start to perceive so much more than the immediate of life.

It was encouraging and discouraging all at the same time. It is encouraging because there is still a seed there. When Holy Spirit moves enough, something way down deep in me responds. Way past words or thought. And it starts to breathe again. And it starts to feast.

It is discouraging in that there was seasons of my life where that was the norm. and somehow life has worked its way towards squeezing that down and out into a little corner of my heart, and I cannot access it. I realize that I have little faith for anything significant, and I have allowed ambivalence, and cynicism to have a soapbox to preach from in my heart.

As I hear these men and women who struggle and contend and fight to stay in that place pray and speak, I remember just how much revelation I have had. You must understand the TREMENDOUS GRACE that God pours out to me. It is shocking, and even a little offensive to me. I get bothered sometimes by how generous He is, when I honestly didnt ask for it, steward it well, or respond to most of it at all. When I hear the messages, I remember them! As I hear people share, little tiny things pop up in my memory about times God shared something similar, or that I came to realizations like that too. But somewhere along the way, I lost them.

So I fast now. For a long time. I dont know any other place to start. I need to crack the kernel. I cannot do it myself, I can just let go of the tree I have been hanging on, and drop to the ground. Then I can rot and decompose the flesh away, and then depend on the created order of things to take over and hydrate and dehydrate and attack this hard shell around my heart.

Yesterday as I started, I already didnt like it. There is anxiety and tension. Boredom and antagonism. I used to fast so much and so often I honestly couldnt remember if I was eating or not, if so, what, and how. I got to the point where I really did experience fasting out of heart sickness. What a great grace. I would give things up simply because I just loved Him so much, and had nothing to give. I believe at one point He even told me to fast fasting, because it had stopped serving its purpose! LOL.


I need the prayers and fellowship of people, and the Grace of God. I do believe God will help me. It is true he seeks out a heart that wants to be near Him. He does draw near when we do.