So help me out here Part II

What does Love Your Neighbor mean?

Who is a neighbor? God defines it pretty clearly as the one nearest you. It is the “other” person. Not yourself. And you love them as (or how) you love yourself.

Forms of neighbor

Ultra-Local: Another person directly near me as an individual.
Examples: Good Samaritan, Healing works of Jesus,

Local: Other gathered corporate expressions of the Body.
Examples: The letter to the “Church at” instead of “ The leadership/pastor/elders at…” From Paul/John/Peter etc… to another group in another city.

Extra-Local: Other communities, cities, regions, areas
Macedonian churches giving to the other region through Paul.

Loving this neighbor, in whatever context, is a secondary commandment. It is important and vital to God only in context of the 1st commandment being fulfilled. To do this before, instead of, or without the 1st is to miss the whole point.

This action of loving our neighbor MUST and can ONLY come from intimacy with God in a Love Relationship. Clearly Gods heart is to reach out to us. By focusing on Him, we will become like Him, and take on His nature. This will inevitably lead us out, as that is where He goes.

Song 2:13-15
13 'The fig tree has ripened its figs, and the vines in blossom have given forth {their} fragrance. Arise, my darling, my beautiful one, and come along!'"
14 "O my dove, in the clefts of the rock, in the secret place of the steep pathway, let me see your form, let me hear your voice; for your voice is sweet, and your form is lovely."
15 "Catch the foxes for us, the little foxes that are ruining the vineyards, while our vineyards are in blossom."
(NAS)

Song 1:4
4 "Draw me after you {and} let us run {together!} The king has brought me into his chambers." "We will rejoice in you and be glad; we will extol your love more than wine. Rightly do they love you."
(NAS)

The Call

"I would like to ask each and every one of you to answer the call," Gore said.

Hmmmm.......

The Call was neat. It was more than that, but it is hard to explain. Although I understand the idea of sacred assembly a little, to be honest it was more like a festival to me. I mean fasting is good, and solemn prayer is good. But it is far too much fun to watch people from different tribes, nations, tongues etc... implore each other, repent to each other, firgive each other, and ask God for His mercy than most anything else I can think of.

I mean this. Halfway into the second hour Im thinking "But God, this is FUN...". LOL. I Like praying for Israel as a nation (and as 2 daughters) with 60,000 others. I ENJOY talking and hearing about Gods mercy, and intimacy. I LOVE being challenged and hearing a former abortionist ask forgiveness, and forcing my mind to accept that God has desired mercy in every way, in every thing.

We found ourselves at dinner Friday night with some of the most delightful people!!! As one man said "I see 4 families, from 3 different cities, gathered around 1 table, is an entirely different city". WOW. And all because God got our hearts somehow, and He gave us Grace to Love Him!

I mean this truly. I hope to see them all again like that, and wish I could spend days with them all. But it will be at MOST 60-70 years, and we will all be doing this again. At the most, I have to wait that long. And the stories we will tell one another by then.

Same thing with the Fathers Blessing Tent. I got the privilege of praying blessings and asking for foregivness as a father over people, total strangers. And the organizers hooked me up with 2 anointed older women (I guess I needed some more supervision than others), and we broke all the rules (not on purpose) and got all prophetic with people in context of blessing and repenting! It was WILD. 1 hours went by in what felt like 5 minutes. I was literally hanging on to the tent structure to stand at times, as the prescence was amazing. And as I left, I hugged them, and all I could say was "See you in heaven if I dont see you before!". And it is TRUE.

I dont understand all the prophetic dynamics about The Call. I dont know how things respond to this gathering, and all the bhind the scenes stuff int he heavens. But I know that now more than ever, I am grasping the eternal significance of things, and my heart is slowly getting pointed on the eternal.

Look ma Im on GodTV

I feel like Im in the midst of celebrities! I mean, I saw my favorite bass player in the whole wide world, Cassie from the team that Misty Edwards leads!! WOW. And other famous IHOP people, including our personal favorite from the end times conference, Kelsey. Im saying this all tongue in cheek of course, but it is funny.

There are TV cameras, sound gear, people people people, and PRAYER. The anointing is getting really strong, and as the sessions broke for lunch, the anpinting began to move around with all the people, it was amazing.

Seriously though it is kind of surreal. Im at the Rennaisance hotel visiting with dear friends, cherishing time with kids, and watching history in the making. Im hearing Dutch Sheets yelling about the tide turing after 40 years, thousands of people in prayer and travail, as I walk down the hallway to go to the bathroom. On the way, about 10 young, hairy, 20 somethings are casting a demon out of a young man.

At a normal conference, you might see 1500 people.I have seen at least 10,000, half of whom my wife knows. And you realize, after the 3rd bus drops off 50 16 year old kids from 600 miles away (or more) who have been fasting and oraying for 6 weeks, that when God calls for a gathering, it looks like an invasion.

At dinner, we had a tremendous time. 2 people I realized I needed to talk to about a burgeoning project God is starting up, both of who I like a LOT, end up at dinner with us. I had no clue they would even be there, let alone all at the same time we were, with the same people. There were 4 famiilies gathered around a table, from 3 different cities, in a totally different city, eating and laughing and talking 100 miles an hour. I realized that however odd this is, and fun, within 70 years at the latest, we will all be doing this again, perhaps daily, either in heaven, or literally on the earth.

My wife is amazing. I watched her hold baby Zoe for hours, sucking up all the baby time she could get. She is definitely in her element here. I feel so priveliged and caught by grace to even be here.

tomorrow, we sit in VERY hot and humid weather, with 100,000+ people, with one thing on their minds, CHANGE. Even my own children are here, by the gift of some kind person. My daughters are going to witness firsthand something that changed the atmosphere in the spirit. They will look back and say "I saw that, I was there".

Within the last week, both my daughters have been touched heavily for them by Holy Spirit,a nd committed themselves to Christ. And now, they are going to be put right in the middle on the largest prayer meeting to date, broadcast to over 400,000,000 people.

Its going to be wild.

SO Help Me Out Here... Part 1

There is a burgeoning "thing" going on in my life, that has been sitting fallow for a while. Te last 120 hours have been radical. As I go through this "download", I have been processing all sorts of stuff, and I am going to do it here, with the hope that while LOTS of this has already been engaged in lots of places, I have to wrestle this out and need feedback.

Part 1

The Nature/Expression of the Church

For this idea, the church can be thought to exist in 3 basic expressions:

Ultra-Local: The individual. This simplest and most direct expression of the Body of Christ is the believer. They are the “Ekklesia”, and are the Temple of God, His dwelling place.
Local: The corporate expression. Individuals gathered together. This is the most common paradigm of the church.
Extra-Local: The church within a geographical area, such as a city or in our case a county.

The Commandments:

Matt 22:36-40
36 "Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?"
37 Jesus replied: "'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.'
38 This is the first and greatest commandment.
39 And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'
40 All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments."
(NIV)

The primary commandment is to Love God. Being primary, it MUST be done BEFORE any other one, in fact it must be done at the expense of any others. To do any other thing before doing this, is to be in the wrong place, doing the wrong thing, for the wrong reason. All other things, as good as they are, must be subordinate to this one thing.

An additional thought is to do the 2nd, we must do the first. It would be impossible to do the 2nd in truth without having done the 1st. But having done the 1st, even giving a cold cup of water to someone becomes the 1st.

What does Love God mean?

Love means more than an action in this verse. It is talking about all of the resources, intents, feelings as well as actions. It implies an ongoing, all encompassing idea, not a periodic, event oriented concept.

In addition, this says nothing about classic ideas like “worship” (what I will call expression), “giving”, “study” etc… It is talking about the motives, intents, and paradigms underneath all those activities.

It is talking about a Love Relationship.

Dont just pray...

This am as I was trying to slow down the waking up process, I waspraying and thought about the fact that all these crazy people are fasting and praying for a breakthrough coinciding with The Call on 7/7/07.

A really ODD thing is my wife was going. then my exwife called and said someone had wanted to pay for and send her and my kids. Whoever they are, God will You please rain affection down upon their heads every day of my kids life!

Anyhow, since I dont have to stay home, as my kids will be gone, I have decided to go as well. Honestly, I want to support the Call, but I dont feel really connected to it. I love the idea, but it hasnt hit a place in my heart at all. Im not opposed to it,a nd I am for it, not just in a real deep way.

anyhow, the girls told us that they are fasting TV at their moms house, so Danie and I decided to join them in that, as well as fast and pray ourselves. It has had its usual fits.I dotn like fasting, but I need it. As soon as I start any fasting things start cranking up, good and bad. More dreams, more revelation, more anxiety, more anger, more physical confusion. Conviction of my lack of appropriate fathering, remembering times of hunger and visitation, and wondering what happenned.

Today as I was laying there, I realized how much prayer etc.. has gone on, and wouldnt it be a good idea to RECEIVE it? I mean, prayer will work itself out in the world, but my most powerful times in GOd have been when I placed my heart/spirit in an open place, and simply received. SO I did.

I simply began claiming and receiving the prayer going forth by all these thousands of crazy people, praying and fasting. And I add my prayers in too. But I believe it is important for us to consider that we should make willful effort to receive prayer, to drink it in, instead of waiting for it to hit us.

As I stand in agreement, Im not jsut praying for some "other". Im praying for me too, and Im going past just sitting there, Im going to try and open my spirit and receive it NOW. Try it and let me know if it changes anything.

What I am learning from my Dog

See I have never been a "dog person". In fact my exposure to friends getting dogs turned me off so bad I swore I would never get one.

But then I watched "The Dog Whisperer", and I realized it is possible to have a dog, and the dog not run your life. Eventually, the kids and my wife wore me down until we got one.

And now, he is teaching me a lot. Especially about being a father, which is interesting as he isnt a human. But he and I spend most of the day together. He will literally follow me around, and wherever I stop, he will stop and fall asleep. When I work, he comes over and sleeps under my chair, when I go eat, he sits on my feet and eventually falls asleep. PEriodically he makes me stop and play with him, because he is bored and needs attention. Other times he jsut simple jumps up on my lap and gathers as much affection as he can.

I have realized that eve3n though some ares of my parenting are good, I am woefully short on many things. I have been convicted lately that I doubt seriously my kids have a right perception of God as Abba based on my example.

Im far too impatient, far to absorbed in things, far too reactive. I dont seek to serve my kids at every turn, nor do I strive to make my affection known to them. Almost everything they ask of me has to be evaluated, and even though they persist, it is more because they want something than they believe I want to give them good things.

I choose to beleive all these things about God, but I dont act like them. This means I dont really believe them about God, because I dont "live by" them myself.

But Zebulun (his name means habitation or visitation interestingly enough) constantly comes to me expectantly. He WANTS to be with me where I am, and every need he has he makes it clear right away without reservation. He has tremndous "faith" if we can call it that. And that faith seems to provoke me. It seems to pull out things inside my heart, and I end up showering affection and protection on him.

I need to repent of the things in my heart that have kept me from doing that with my own children. I can explain why and how they arent there. There are reasons, and I wont ever be perfect, but if God is putting His finger on this, it must be because He wants to release something more in me. And I have a very short time to bear fruit in keeping with repentance. Im excited.

The Idolatry of Revival

I am perceiving a dangerous, and age old dilemma...

Loving ANYTHING more than God is idolatry. This include the workings of God. We know this, but we do not realize how subtle this is. I am feeling scared and shocked at how simply and easily communities fall into this over and over again.

As I pray with a community, I hear them continually return to asking God to move in their area, do signs and wonders, change the hearts etc...

Yet these people exhibit very little maturity in fellowship with God. They are wonderful. They are the object of Gods affection. God is seeking htem out. It isnt a critique of judgement. But it is a problem. A big problem.

God has shown me a few times the underpinnings of this. The symbols are shocking. The results are grotesque. And the consequences are ugly.

God does NOT want us standing before His throne at the end, and account for misusing and misrepresenting Him. If He gave us anything close to what we ask, we run the very real danger of getting caught up into secondary, lesser loves. And we wouldnt know it or see it coming.

I dont want revival. I want to want Him. Revival without Him SUCKS. It is inferior. It isnt fruitful. The Body coming back to life and then going off somewhere other than right to His feet in fellowship witholds from Himt he fruit of His labor, and leads us into worse behavior than being dead.

Singularity Video

Had to post this. It is short, but fun.

Singularity Update

We just got back from Singularity/Dark Skies the regional BurningMan gathering for the California/Nevada area.

This is my first time at any event connected with BurningMan, even though my friend, my wife, and my other friends have gone. I remember hearing and seeing the pictures and the stories and falling in Love with the whole idea, and the people I saw.

I believe that I connect much easier to these folks than anyone else I know. While it is true that the events themselves create and artificial "bubble" of community, the reality is the creative expression, silly playfulness, and proclivity towards non traditional paradigm makes these people far more approachable than many of the people I am around regularly.

That being said, this event was a little disappointing. I think that Todd and I might have missed most of it by leaving on Saturday, but this event was more a desert party than anything else. For the most part, it was devoted to intoxication and exhibitionism rather than the radical self expression and art that is so central to the main event in Aug/Sept.

But I still met some wonderful and lovely people. One girl was so interesting to talk to. She is in her post graduate studies for modern anthropology, with a focus on the psychology. Talk about an amazing laboratory to work in! And the 2 gals that came over form the Pyro Pirate Porno dome were just so awesome.

I leanred that it is so much harder to drop all agendas, and simply LOVE and BE with people it is daunting. It rendered me down and exposed the gap between my immaturity and the Spirit of Loves intentionality.

Love loves because it is Love, not as a means to an end. Love itself is far more complex, sufficient, effective, and awesome than we know. It is the power of transformation, and yet it isnt trying to transform you. It is trying to give you the experience of itself. When we take Love, and try to use it for something, it becoems something else than Love, and then it fails. Love itself never fails, but when we twist it into any agenda, it stops being true, and fails.

I have loads of ideas now about who I am. The Spirit of Love came to me at 5 am Friday morning, and as I watched the sun come out, I heard this:

"When I formed you, I couldnt have done a better job. I did my best when I made you"...

For those of you who personally know the excellence of Love, you know how incredible this is. Despite all the experiences of failure I have, I am perfectly made. I may not be perfect in practice, but I am perfect in design.

There are many things more I experienced, but they dont seem to be something easily described in mere words. I look forward to going tot he main event with my wife, and doing something more personal, and directly loving. I know that I love to make people food and spoil them. I struggled with it this event, as I had no experience. Now I have some ideas and a better view. I want to feed people lots of little finger foods, gathering them around a communal table in the midst of the desert, and enjoy them, and the perfection of their intentional design.

Take off eh Part Deux!!!!

I had a great time up north. The people were friendly, and the town of Lethbridge was quite a quaint place.

I like this picture because it was May 9th, at 8:30 pm, and the sun was still quite high. This far north really changes things.





This is the casino that took all my fun money, plus my other money, plus some of my food money…. Well not really but close.








This is dedicated to Kerri, our short comedian friend who tells tall tales about stealing personal hygiene products from hotels The hotel I stayed in was so sophisticated, the products themselves actually told me what to do, and how to do it, like CLEANSE, SOFTEN, SCRUB. The main problem I have now is certain things are far softer than I anticipated, and my sense of taste and smell has been greatly impacted for the worse.








This pillows explain themselves, and have an odd parallel to my marriage. Ill let you guess who is who.

I wish I could claim that this picture had intentional prophetic implication, but it was purely by accident.






My kids might honestly force me to come back with them purely for the thrill of a hotel with a waterslide INSIDE it. For most of the country, this is not odd, for us in California, this is weird.


I had some more problems here…





As I was getting “interviewed” (I didn’t bring my birth certificate, and they wanted to make me feel sorry for it) an alarm went off. Literally, the man talking to me dropped what was in his hands, and turned and RAN to the edge of the building, along with every other law enforcement present. I don’t think I have ever seen people react so quickly en masse as that.

I had no clue what to do, and so I made sure to stand a still and quiet as possible. My mind was racing with the reality that someone was crashing the border, and the people who were my only hope of getting in the USA to catch my flight to go home were now on “high alert” ready to defend, protect and serve me. But all I really wanted was to get going.

It didn’t occur to me then, but does now that would have been the perfect time to pick up my key and drivers license, and quietly walk out, get into my car, and drive off!!!

Had things gone bad, and an “incident” occurred, I could have been stuck in the middle of a nightmare. I want you all to know I was ready to do my part and defend the town of Sweetgrass Montana, and the whole entire US of A from any and every threat, especially from (as it turns out) Canadians who follow directions, and dive just a few feet further than they were supposed to (like 10) for a vehicle inspection!!! Those darn Canadians almost declared war, and I was willing to “take one for the team”. I was seconds away form taking my Jaclyn Smith Charlies Angles pose and shoot at something.

Take off eh!!!!

So I was on my way to Lethbridge, Alberta Canada...

I flew into Great Falls, Montana. What a pretty place. I havent seen this much sky and space outside of being in the ocean. We flew in over the Grand Tetons, and then into this tremendous prarie. It was green and lush, and had these awesome mountains/bluffs in the distance. I was right on the Missouri River, which is odd, because I am so far West.

As I drove, I tried to take pictures, but they dont seem to do justice.

But an odd thing ahppenned when I got to the border. I guess not having a birth certificate is a bad thing. As dumb as that is, becuase it sure would be easy to forge one.

It seems Canada doesnt like the idea of people coming accross the border doing work for Canadian Companies. Despite NAFTA, it is a big no no to do work someone in Canada could be doing. However, I told the nice man in the bulletproof vest in a SECURE building, that as the owner of the company, I was confident I had not ever certified anyone in Canada to train or support my software, and would he please beleive me.

He did ask if there was anything else I was planning on doing in Canada, and after I informed him about my desire to paly poker and smoke cuban cigars (both TOTALLY legal here), he signed a yellow slip and let me in!!!!

The only problem will be getting out, or in esscense back in to the US.

Where is Randy Bohlender when someone needs him? He could blog so much about this whole adventure, especially because he grew up in a place that looks JUST LIKE this.....

Laying Fallow

Fallow ground is usually interpreted as negative. However, letting land "lay fallow" is a good thing in both agricultural terms, and within context of the Sabbath rest commanded.

When land lays fallow, 2 things happen. Nutrients fall on the surface.
Leaves, debris, snow, water etc... collect. As well, grasses grow, and some grasses have extremely deep roots (alfalfa has roots that can go 20-30 feet!). Thos roots draw nutrients up to the surface, from deep places.

Then the process of turning over the earth happens. In order to sow seeds into a soft, and receptive place, the earth has to be plowed, essentially taking the first 12-18 inches and flipping it over. As that happens, all the nutrients get out under the surface, and all the bacterial life and such under the surface get exposed to sunlight and air.

Then the seed is sown into a good place, with nutrients and accessible ground. Then a harvest.

The time span between laying fallow and a harvest can be at LEAST 2 growing seasons, sometimes more. The time of resting, the time of getting plowed, the time of sowing, and the time of harvest.

Some of the things we pray now, are part of one of those seasons, and the harvest of it could be a year or 2 away, and the experiences in between the prayer and the harvest could be totally different than the burden you experience during the prayer.

Don't be confused. Faith is what keeps us within the context of the original prayer. But there is another issue here...

When we see people, and desire to call them out into something (unfortunately it is usually somehting on our agenda or personality) we MUST learn the difference between someone being passive, and someone actively laying fallow.

The passive person is usually full of any combination of guilt, self hatred, fear, discouragement, brokenness, rejection, condemnation etc... and the message to get up and do something, and be something just sounds like one more condemning message, one more expectation being placed on the shoulders of someone who has experienced so much frustration and failure already, that is is at best useless, at worst, ensuring even more passivity.

What God showed me they need is to be bright to a place of truly knowing God is with thim IN the place they are at. The care and concern, and the true personal advocacy of Holy Spirit right in and alongside the place a person finds themselves. God with them, regardless of whether they EVER take a step out of that place.

The person laying fallow, needs to be blessed and affirmed that they are doing the right thing, and are obedient. We MUST make room for people in this place in life, and even encourage others to follow that example as God leads.

Not discerning the times rightly in peoples life leads to tremendous heartache when you try to minister to them. I am watching very well intentioned people stepping out in their own personalities and gifts, urging people to get active, for the most part because thats where their own soul is at. My concern is that by moving out in the flesh like this, we can run the risk of sticking our fingers into other peoples lives and combat the very things God is doing.

Beginning to get a picture

As I obsess over the immediate....

My mind was really occupied yesterday about the morning experience. It is an interesting thing, perhaps even a quirk. I can get very consumed with something, and until I get through enough of it, I cannot let go.

There have been several significant ingredients in this soup I find myself in:

1. My experience at The Well. This was very ugly for the most part, however several dreams, encounter with God, and deep healing sessions helped separate the ugly and bad things from the reality of what God meant. I am sure God knew it all would happen, and took advantage of my will to provide ways of healing and deliverance for me through all this.

2. My subsequent process of letting go of any and all preconceptions about God, the Church, the Bible, etc... and stepping back. I then began to seek God about what HE says, not about what I had been "taught". Im all for teaching, receive the gift of it, heck I even DO that on a regular basis with my own business. But in Scripture it is PERFECTLY CLEAR that the Holy Spirit leads us into all truth. To ignore that is to do so at my own peril. It is far too easy for me to all others to tell me what they think (or even what they think they know!) and integrate that into my beliefs. Instead, I needed to repent of that, and start over. I probably should do that more often.

As I did, I really got confronted with my own idolatry. And it hurt! But as I went through that, I began to feel more and more free. In fact I began to see how so much of that stuff I had been taught mixed with my own inherent brokenness really facilitated the dysfunctions I experienced. My choices were all MY OWN FAULT, however the unholy marriage of my own choices, coupled with a willing system that provides a fantastic structure for dependence and dependent relationships, really got bad.

3. My prior experiences at "Churches". While I believe that 99.9% of my experiences were with well meaning, sincere people, I got a vastly different picture of what and who the Body is, and how it is supposed to work than what I see in basic scripture, let alone in the deeper ways to study cultural and original language to get past the inherent biases of interpreters. Wow. I dont recall seeing anything truly related to NT practice outside of the multiple dinners we all used to have with each other, and some slight stirrings of Holy Spirit.

4. One other thing that is beginning to come up to the surface is my previous experience within the Church growing up before I left it to pursue the world. I didn’t think much about this as it is so long ago, and I was so young. However, I think the hyper-religious envirnoment my poor parents were exposed to has some bearing on my frustrations within the Body at large. I might actually be working out something far outside my generation!

5. My good friend Randy Bohlender (who no longer BLOGS!!!! at least publicly) told me something a few years ago as I was twisting and writhing pulling out of a season of purging and healing that he felt God was going to do something in the future that would surprise me, and put me in a place where I would be dealing with this stuff.

6. I just started another fast/pray cycle, and this issue is immediately in my face.

So anyway, as I stumble around in this place, trying to get a picture of what God is saying and leading me into (or not leading me into), I have gobs of revelation and experiences that prove it is by no means accidental, or self created. It is all part of tremendous work God is doing to make me more intimate with Him, and more fruitful!

Im so confused?

What an interesting day so far (it is 10:03 am).

I woke up and went to a prayer meeting at a local group. From time to time, as God leads, I will go and pray. I started going about 3-4 weeks ago with a really strong word from God. I have been praying for this group off and on (mostly off) for about 18 months. Here is some back story:

I believe God made it clear to me that He was going to visit them. It was exciting! And in the midst of that, He rebuked me quite well. He looked at me and said "Im going to go visit them, want to come?" and I said "No", and He said "Ok" and turned and walked away. And He turned back to look at me over His shoulder. I realized that I was missing something somehow...

My history with this group, or at least some of the individuals, goes back almost 15 years. I love them, and care about them. But in my broken travels, I have come to some rather different perspectives about the nature of "The Church" and How it gathers, and Why etc... So for me, "attending" church doesn’t even compute any longer. In fact, at first, I was so disconnected from all the process and the language and the environment, I really felt out of place when Iwent to see what God was doing.

But I realized I should go and see what God was doing. He showed me through some very significant experiences that He was indeed going to move among that particular group, and that they were fairly unaware. They have lots of input about it, but for the most part, didn’t seem to realize the depth of the situation is, or at least on a different way than I did.

So I began to pray for them etc... and it became very hard. The "culture" of "Church" can be so varied that it can be a real impediment to connection. As well, I have my own baggage like everyone else, and I also prefer smaller, more flexible environments.

Anyhow, I burned out. I couldn’t take the conflict between what I saw God wanting to do and doing, and the actual situation. I simply don’t have the character or the temperament to really help or be fruitful, and really backed down.

Then God broke me during a recent fast, and I heard about this prayer group, and figured it was a good place for me to participate. Then I started getting so much revelation, and for the most part it was so well received, I actually blew a few circuits, and began to dominate the prayer meeting!!! UGGGHHHH. But thankfully, a little help and input from an old friend helped me stabilize.

This a.m., I really wanted to bring an IHOP CD for one of the men facilitating it, because I felt like it would help give some perspective on different types of intercession, especially long lasting, constant intercession. But I have given all of them away. When I got there, someone had brought one! WOW. And it was a hit.

Within minutes, people are really connecting with a flow. At one point I had to go cry a little, because it felt like I was releasing a little of a burden I had been carrying around for them.

Anyhow, someone came and asked me about IHOP, and as I explained to them, they asked me about hot people facilitate this type of thing. We talked about it, and they asked if it was something I could do. I’m fairly confident in what God has given me, and I have some experience on a basic level with similar things, so I explained I could in certain ways.

Then a conversation began that just unwound me. The question about "How committed to this church are you?", "How do you fellowship?" etc... and the view of submission, what that means etc... This is all happening within a prayer meeting! LOL.

I was so out of my head, all I could do is give some simple ideas about where I am at. It had been such a long time since I have had to think and articulate about all this, I found myself at a loss. Pat Terminology doesn’t help, how deep do we have to dialog, scripture references etc...

I am really confused. I think. I have had to go through such a reprogramming about what the Church is, How it works, what leadership is, what servanthood is, the nature of submission etc... But it doesn’t gel with the very part of the Body I have been given a burden for.

I don’t know how to navigate all this. I have at least 5-6 people who at any minute can call me up and tell me "You are out of line" and call me on something. Is that "submission"? I have deep relationships with people that know everything good and bad, and we talk regularly. Is that "accountability"? I have yet to have the wonderful experience of "mentoring", but I would love to have some input from someone farther on than me on a regular basis. I believe I should submit to everyone out of Love for Christ, not just a special thing for someone who has been appointed a "leader". I look for how to submit in any given situation, first to God, and then to however He is leading.

I don’t want to ever subjugate the preeminence of Christ as Head of the Body to myself, let alone to anyone else. I don’t want to ever get caught in another situation where the leading of the Holy Spirit in the life of a believer is put up for grabs by men. Christ died for the individual, not anything else. To inject myself in that Holy relationship seems inconsistent with Scripture.

And I’m not a person looking for a mission. I’m not a resource waiting to be used by someone. I’m not a man looking for a purpose. In fact most of my calling has to do with those outside the Body, at least that is what has been made clear to me lately. I don’t know how long that will be.

Anyhow, I find myself really stumped. The only real thing I’m concerned about is following HIM. If he is saying "I don’t care about their structure, I don’t care about the details" then I should too. But I don’t understand what that means about how I am supposed to help and encourage and participate, if at all.

Easter Music

I realized that of all the holidays, Easter really is the most defining. It is called the culmination of the "Christian Calendar", and I think that makes sense. But in reality, like all these holidays, I should be living it everyday, rather than just thinking about it once a year, and making it a big deal.

I sat down and meditated and prayed out the imagery of Christ Risen, and Glorified. I had to picture it, and I felt Him help me. My goal is just to focus myslef, and connect with the reality of this.

Feel free to listen and participate. Stretch your imagination. Dont just sit and let some institutional structure initiate a ritual. Take that, and build on it. Ask for help, and see HIM.

http://www.brokenbreadmusic.com/Easter-2007.mp3

Right click, save as.....

Odd Thoughts and Ends

I listened to a few preachers the other day and as I contemplated what they said, other thoughts came to mind.

1. When Satan tempted Eve, there was far more to this than we think. His message to her essentially was "God knows when you eat this, you will be like Him, and He doesn’t want you to have that. He is holding back from you".

I would add that he made that claim by his own twisted personal experience! He could have easily followed up with "I know firsthand, because He held that back from me, even though I was the chief worshipper. I spent all of my creation in His Presence, giving Him glory and all that He asks, and yet after all that service He held back from me all the good stuff, all the reward."

This is to a woman who was experiencing complete and perfect fellowship with God. Literally the very thing she was made for. It couldn’t have gotten any better for her, only more mature. There wasn’t anything or anyway for her to have more than what she had, because God had given her HIMSELF.

I think it can even go farther than that, but perhaps you get the picture. I think of friends, acquaintances, loved ones etc... who are hoping for things, and chasing things, and I cannot help but think about the pain of feeling let down, or withheld from, or that elusive "IT" that they believe God isn’t going to ever give them. And some will look at years of service or works etc... and secretly get angry over why they don’t get their "payoff".

And even deeper under this is the idea that I simply want to be directing my own life. That there is something better and beyond, and if I could just grab it, I could somehow be better off. It creates a vicious cycle of hoping in falsehood, and not being right here, right now, and engaging God for where I am at.

2. We have explained the warning of Jesus at the end "Depart from me I never knew you" as a scary thing. How can people truly raise the dead, and heal the sick etc... and not know God? And our answers are typically consistent with whatever theology we have at the moment (intimacy, lack of intimacy, authority in the Name of Christ vs. relationship, 7 sons of Sceva etc...).

Recently hearing something a man preached about, I realized we have an example in Scripture that hints at it. When the disciples were sent out, they came back saying "Wow Jesus, even the demons submit to us IN YOUR NAME". These people were not born again, had not been forgiven of their sins in the classic sense we all know (Christ had not been crucified), they didn’t have the indwelling of the Spirit. and yet they all keyed off the Name of Christ being the sufficient power to do everything.

Now the metaphor breaks down because they were walking with Jesus, literally. However, Jesus, full of joy, is thrilled at the results. And He reminds them not to get their identity from the works of the Kingdom, but the relationship they have with the King.

We hear this preached as some kind of rebuke, and yet Jesus was so full of joy the words underneath imply leaping and rejoicing. He was excited that God was now releasing the same ministry to the world that He Himself had begun. All He wanted to do is make sure they weren’t lost in the works, but rooted in the identity of being loved and called and connected to Him.

Is it possible God even directs people, in HIS OWN NAME, to do the works of the Kingdom, and yet knows full well they simply have no interest in Him? At the end of the Age we see people claiming to have literally done the works of the Kingdom, and yet Christ explains to them they are not a part of Him.

To go too far is wrong here. God doesn’t tempt people with sin, but I think the idea comes through.

Why does all this matter? I think for me it matters because it reveals an undercurrent of work (flesh) that desires to get my life under my control, to get what I’m afraid is being held back from me, and the potential to go off and use power and revelation etc... for my own, and then slowly but surely migrate away from relationship with Christ is a reality. In fact, the more work, and the more revelation, the more I might be tempted to grasp it myself.

Stop Coasting....

I have recently got reaccquainted with a burden and a word from God about a group of people, and I recorded something as way to try and contribute to them. I also feel like if anyone would benefit from this, they are free to use it as any help they might have for prayer, or simply praying along with.

It is important to know that I dont consider words more powerful than music per se.... I try to communicate what I need to to God, and what I think God is communicating, and sometimes words are good, mostly declarative. I listened to this today on a long car ride, and at times, some of the bell sounds I could feel picking away at pockets of my heart. So please ask the Spirit to interact with you, and interact with Him using your imagination, and agree and declare right along with anything.

If you are coasting, you are going downhill...

Right click and save as.

As usual, the disclaimer.... It isnt professional, isnt meant to be, and if you have a theological problem with anything I say, pray about it and ask God to bring me into more of His truth.

Blessings....

http://www.brokenbreadmusic.com/coasting.mp3

So much provision

It all started with a prophetic word... about finances.

Watching the OneThing conference live on GodTV, Mr Bickle says (1st person God style) "I want integrity in your finances, I will be gentle with you".

I was touched. Most people (myslef included) would assume I have some integrity in finances. I try to be really carefule about how I conduct it, and definitely stay within the spirit of the laws etc...

But I realized some of my recent activities, while not illegal, were not consistent with what God wanted. And to change them right at that moment (Dec 28/29th) would be impacting financially, and make it difficult to do what was needed.

But I took the plunge. And then I started a fast. Because I realized I had gone from someone who could empty his bank account on an impression, who could see money as a simple tool, to who had seen God provide over and over again, to someone hardened, and fearful, and planning in my own strength. And I needed to get softer.

Within 2 weeks, I lost most of my main income. We were walking into a house that was in serious fix up need, and we thought we could get it for a song. As we walked in, I got a call on my cell, and it ended up being a call telling me I no longer had a job with a company, and lost several thousands a month.

And then a funny thing happenned. I felt as if God were repositioning me. I had felt like I had made a wrong choice in going to work with these people when I did. and I felt relieved. And a little shocked. I flet like it had been coming for a while, and it turns out they had too.

Since then, I realized we are in better shape than anyone would imagine. I think God kept us from buying a house, because by all indicators since then, the market isnt even close to the bottom. Master SOlutions is no picking up a little. Im back into the mode I had been for years, and it seems to be working.

Then at the end of the fast, God visits! I wasnt expecting this. I was fasting for a softening of heart. He comes and explains all sorts of things to me, how I am wired, why, what He wants me to do. All sorts of leadings and thoughts for years begin to make sense. And He re-prioritizes my life in a strange way.

I know many who have had seemingly opposite experiences. Im not saying this as if to say this is how it should be, but many things are being activated, and God is not just fulfilling things, He is being far more generous than I even realize. He is winning my heart again, and encouraging me to soften up and let Him work. I give Him an inch, and He takes a mile.

There have been other, very hurtful things that have happenned recently. Accusations of awful things, and trials we have gotten to go through. And yet I keep feeling HIM leading us. He is so much more than I deserve.

BrokenBread Music Pt 2

Im going to post here when we upload new music to brokenbreadmusic.com.

Why?

I dont know. Why do I even have a blog? But anyhow, as I record music, and prayer, I figure someone may want to useit for themselves, and stand in agreement with it and it might facilitate them as well.

It isnt well polished music. Intentionally. I dont like produced music usually. I dont like songs, I just like expression and creativity. I think it helps other non musicians out there connect and participate.

Anyhow, here are links to the songs I have,a nd will add more soon. I ask for any prayer and encouragement as the last week and a half God has been visiting me and showing me things, and it has a lot to do with music like this in public arenas. I have dreamed about it for years, and it is finally getting more and more concrete. It is daunting, and I can already feel the tension in my flesh, and in my family. I dont know how to navigate this stuff, and how to relax with it. So I will stumble around, make big mistakes, and get back up, and keep going on being loved and cared about until I am consistent with what HE wants.

You can right click on these and save them to your hard drive. They are mp3 formats and work well in Media Palyer, or winamp, or itunes etc...

http://www.brokenbreadmusic.com/02-18-07.mp3
Danie asked me to record something for her to listen to in the car.

http://www.brokenbreadmusic.com/09-26-06.mp3
Dont remember this one.

http://www.brokenbreadmusic.com/8-20-06.mp3
Or this one

http://www.brokenbreadmusic.com/ABigPicture.mp3
This was my need for God to give me a bigger vision/picture than my immediate situations. Looks like it was in Sept, so here I am 5 months later as it is getting answered.

http://www.brokenbreadmusic.com/GraceNeeded.mp3
Doesnt everyone need Grace?

http://www.brokenbreadmusic.com/justalittlemorerevelationmp3.mp3
I just want a little more revelation of HIM. I want to be changed just a little more. I want to be REPROGRAMMED!

Barrel Full 'o Grace

Danielle said she was rpaying for me the other night in bed, and she saw a picture of me. I was totally surrounded by a tremndous wall of Grace. She said the wall was very powerful, and that outside that wall there were lots and lots of darts coming at me. So many, that it would be scary.

I beleive it. There seems to be a sense of purpose and being carried right now. I would be devastated if the attacks were getting through. I just simply have to confess I dont have any ability to stand well. I so desparately need Grace it is almost offensive to me. Im right at that fleshly edge of despising myself for being so weak, except for the knowledge that I beleive that is the reality of our existence!

So waht is the first thing that comes to mond about a wall of Grace? Think about it, and get a picture of it.....

Got one yet?????

Here is how Danielle described mine to me. It is like a barrel, all around me, and I can only see about 6 inches in front of me! It isnt this big, beautiful, glowing, Angels singing, wall of fire thing. It is a simple humble barrel that is surrounding me, holding of the darts of my enemy. Im hoping it is a wine barrel, or a balsamic vinegar barrel, or a congac one, because I really like those things. My protection is a heavenly vinegar barrel.

"Here Sean, I love you. Wear this, and run through that field over there into your destiny. Gor for it, and DONT HAVE TOO MUCH FUN!!!!!"

HA! That is great. Our flesh runs with grandiosity. But my provision from God, My Father and My King, is a big thick barrel. Im even shaped like a barrel myself! And all I can guess is Im trudging through a wave of darts, and if I saw how many, or any farther than 6 inches, I would probably stop, sit down, and cry.

Isnt God GOOD? Isnt He so GENEROUS? Isnt He FAITHFUL? Grace to YOU right now in our Lord Jesus Christ.