Its packing day

Today, a big trailer is coming to my house. They will leave it there for a while, until I tell them "Take my stuff to Kansas City". Then I drive 1600 miles to meet them there, and unload it into a barn, and then find a place to live. Then go unload the barn, and load my house. Then unpack.

I have never moved a long distance. You have one shot. Thankfully, Kathie (Kathy) "Everything they say about her is true" Wheeler came into town, and packed up our kitchen. Danielle and her got a lot done, and today is my day. Being a "husky" Lithuainian, it is my objective to load big heavy things, and try not to break them.

Then we drive. And drive, and drive. The boring part. Me and Zeb in Dorothy the Dodge Caravan, and Danie and Kathie in "Mabel" (Dont tell Danielle I called it that) the Mazda.

Los Angeles to St George Utah, St George to Grand Junction, Co, Grand Junction to Arvada, and then a big push from Arvada to Kansas City, Mo. The Bohlenders do this kind of crazy stuff all the time, but not me. Im a baby.

What am I going into? As far as I can tell, a season of preparation. All indicators point to a time of life that is going to bring all the loose ends and areas that arent quite as mature up to the level other parts of my life are developed. Its a neat picture. There is a reason why things in my life are retarded, and it is mainly discipline, and consistency. bith of which are difficult for me to maintain without a lot of stimulus.

I have gained a lot of weight back since The Call. The majority of this year has been spent in fasting of one kind or another, with lots of revelation and fruit. It will soon be time to incorporate that into my life in more direct ways. Being around intense people, with an external strucutre will help a lot. I lack that in my life. Being the least prophetic person in the room at any given time will be quite a nice change of pace. Training my ears to the Spirit is something I need desparately.

I might get a chance to play music, howevermy main call is to play outside the Body. But there is a real parallel to what the IHOP does inside its walls (and it is VERY needed), and what God has shown me to do is something very similar, but in a way that is more directly understood by people outside that environment. It is hard to detox from "Christianeese" but it will be an integral part of navigating the calling in my life.

We get to help all sorts of intercessors, I want to volunteer in the kitchen making food for crazy teenagers, buying houses and renting them, on and on... Judah wants a treehouse, Israel would love a horse.

All I know is God is taking us on an adventure, and it is a progressively intense one. It isnt a bunch of new ideas, but more of a developing of existing ideas, and an integration of them into a constant lifestyle, rather than an event.

How does a miracle happen???

I dont know. But I think Im seeing one happen...

A friends child (Jenai) is adopted from China. She was saving up for an IPOD.

Another set of friends is adopting from China. We get together and pray and engage God for this child to come home here to the US.

We put whatever money we have into a jar. Jenai goes and gets a ziploc bag full of her money. She kneels down on the floor, and dumps her precious savings in the jar, along with a little teddy bear. She then stands up, and prays for Baby Hope.

Call me sentimental, call me whatever you want. But I cannot imagine that God just sat there and watched a child who had been redeemed, give her little bit for another child, and did nothing...

Even I as an earthly, fallen man am provoked. And to see a Chineese woman come in, and call her out in her native language. Wow. And to see the body of Christ come together and agree over this child, 1 out of a billion, is just neat.

This is a fantastic story about adoption

This is the story of my friends the Phillips family. They are in this right now, and can use all the help and financial support possible If you wanted to ever see a miracle, or be a part of one, this will do it.

http://www.tmphillips.com/adoption/hope/the-story/

Its getting real all the tiiiiimmmmeeee....

Things are getting more.... real. Good, but more true, sharper, more solid.

Moving is becoming a reality. Thankfully, I/we planned very aggressively. Too Aggressively. Wouldnt you know it, but God is more generous and helpful than we believed????

And pregnancy is catching up with Danie. She is tired, and a little sick. Not throwing up sick, but a little nauseous. And her little tiny belly is getting a firm little pocket in there! She woke up the other day, and I looked at hear and realized she is probably the most beautiful woman I ever saw. She doesnt seem to think so, which is really to my advantage! My new nickname for her is "Mrs. Kansas City". I realized, thankfully, she cant be "Miss Kansas City".

The kids went to scholl for the last day yesterday. It is odd. I wish we had decided BEFORE they started school, but it wasnt possible. We had fun with it. At least I did. When I told the school district they were leaving, they asked me where they were going. I asked them "does it matter?". I almost asked them "Is it any of your business?", but I need to be polite.

I had an altercation with an old man a few days ago. My dog wasnt ont he leash, and I didnt see anyone else in the park. After we threw the ball for him, I looked up, and there was a couple with a dog. I was bummed because I knew if Zeb saw them, he might go over there, and I didnt want anyone to be offended. I tried really hard to keep calm and see if I could get him to come back to me. But he saw them, and took off. I shouted "He isnt agressive, hes a puppy, he loves other dogs". The lady looked at me like I was a criminal, picked up her dog, and they kind of freaked.

I ran over there, apologized, and they started yelling. I told them I was very sorry, I didnt see anyone there, and wouldnt have let him off the leash. They kept scolding me, and I tried to be really paitent. I got Zeb and Danie came to get him with the leash. The guy picked up the ball that Zeb had dropped, and threw it over my head into the trees! I was in such shock, I turned around, looked at him (It must have looked like I was going to kill him), and yelled "HEY".

He jumped back, and the look on is face was unreal. He looked like I just pulled out a gun. THANKFULLY, somehow I calmed right down. Normally, my impulse control problems seem to really short circuit at that point. Honestly. But somehow, and it had to be divine, I relaxed. But I think this old guy thoguht I was going to beat him.

I did grab his arm, but really gently, and told him "I dont know why you did that. It sure doesnt help things. If I were a belligerent dog owner who doesnt care about anyone else, that would have lit me up. Im totally wrong in this, but what you did didnt help".

The guy didnt waver. He kept coming verbally. I tried to calm the situation down. He was STUPID. I have never hit anyone in a fight type of thing in my life. I probably wouldnt be able to do it very werll! But if I hadnt calmed down,. I would have put my fist right through that guys chest. And I would have felt so bad and guilty! UGggggghhhh..

On the way home, I realized how much more I could have done to apologize. And how thankful I was for the look of fear on is face.Had he not reacted that way, I might have intensified the issue, and it would have been terrible.

You just dont realize what you are capable of. Had my flesh gotten its way, I could have hurt that man so badly, and carried that the rest of my life. It was MUCH better to be slighted. I was wrong the whole timem, regardless of what he did. I just couldnt believe after him getting the poop scared out of him, he wouldnt relent. And I cannot believe how fleshly I am. That isnt the kind of man I want to be.

I want to be like my new nephew Patrick, who defends his sister from high schoolers teasing her and scaring her in the pool, and protecting other kids from bullies at school. I want to be like Jesus, and love that guy so much right from the start that I dont have anything to repent from, and possibly even be able to rejoice becuase he tasted love and was better off even for a little thing like that.

Oh yeah

Be careful what you pray for, because God is way gooder than you realize...

Im a messssss.....

http://www.godtube.com/view_video.php?viewkey=ee73e63418003b47d7d5

It really doesnt matter what you turn from...

Repentance has nothing to do with what you turn from, only who you turn to...

No one in heaven cares what you turned away from, and they dont even think about it. You do.

Its all about the good part, not the bad. So lets get over ourselves, making separation and distinctions about our own sin, and lets focus entirely on Who we are turning to. Its all about the solution, not the problem.

The Little things

Yesterday praying for someone, I really felt like God explained something to me, and its an interesting concept.

God sees when we are fatihful in the little things. We always take that verse "He who is faithful with little will be given more". Different versions say it slightly differently.

Anyhow, I have always imagined this as "I will get lots of little things, and if Im faithful, I will get progressively more and more to be faithful with".

But in reality, life is a big bag of big and little things. And the truth is, when something is a big thing, we intuitively steward that more than other things. If we dont, then we are lazy, and slothful, a different issue. But when things are small, we tend to let those drift.

But God isnt like that. He loves every little thing. He tracks every sparrow, hair, and any other little thing.

So I think the underlying issue is God is saying "I track every little thing, and it is important to me as every big thing. And when I see you trying your best with the littler things, I can see how you desire to be like me. And by that, you are faithful and I will give you more."

I dont know if it means more things that are "bigger", or more "little" things, or maybe even more of something else entirely different.

But the point here is the idea of faithful. Not perfect. Not accomplished. Not even able. Just faithful. In the little things. The little yes and no things every day. And He sees them ALL. And He appreciates them ALL. And He rewards them ALL. Because He loves to reward. He loves to find an excuse to bless you, and love you, and increase you. And when the Father sees someone that desires (whether they are successful or not) to be like His son, He SMILES and sends even more to them.

Some people need to be encouraged in this. Every time you desire not to react to your children driving you crazy, and try your best just to dial down and help them, HE SEES. Every little gesture of hope or encouragement you offer, every little "cup of cold water", is instantly seen and heard in heaven, because thats exactly what Jesus is like.

My Babys back

Well, I mean she is back here. She has a great back (ummm....) but I mean shes coming home. Im going to get her in about an hour.

She has been gone far too long. But Joycelyn is worth it. And turns out Danie needed a trip, as it will probably be a long time before she can take off for 10 days by herself.

Life is about to change in so many ways, some of which I cannot list here yet. The baby sure will change things. My daughters are the BEST! It is going to affect them for sure, and yet they seem to be getting a little excited. A baby having a sister like Israel and Judah is going to have some of the best things in the world. YOu can see that already in their little cousins, who adore them.

Just think about a baby getting attention from Israel all day. That girls can make a baby squeal from 50 yards. And having a wild sister like Judah LION! Sheeesssh.

God is moving in our lives, in so many ways. In hindsight, this will be a tremndous season. At the moment, it seems wild and oscillating between hope and vision and "HOW IS GOD GOING TO PULL THIS OFF?". We have lots of friends who live much farther out than us, but for me, life is getting fun, and stretching me.

Life is Good

Life is good, and I just happen to be experiencing it consciously.

My girls and I are together for most of the next week at night and mornings. Their mom is working a lot (high time for bars and food places during the holiday and end of summer), and I get to have some time with just them.

Life is funny as well, as you dont realize how it subtly slips out of your hands. I probably havent spent this much alone time with my kids since I was married, but it used to be our normal life. Danielle has added so much to our lives, and the girls and I were talking about how good it has been. They both see really good things, far more than I can list here.

But there is something about isolating time with your kids, and just doing whatever, and enjoying each other. My kids are so fun, it is hard to describe. As the parent, and the "old man" Im a little slower, and a little grumpy. So I spend a lot of time catching up to my little personalities. But they are just a blast.

It has been just us for so long. Since June of 1998 (9 years) I have had the girls to myself.

At the very beginning for 1-2 years, I had them only about 35-40% of the time. It was so hard for me having a 7 month old and a 3 year old. Just going to Trader Joes felt like I was having a breakdown. There was so much going on in my life. I needed healing badly, and God was using this as the opportunity, so I was trying to be a parent while I was going through deep inner healing. I really felt like it was all I could do just to make sure they didnt die. I had so much internally (fear, anxiety, self hatred etc...) that I wasnt able to relax.

In retrospect, the kids were a lot better off than I thought in many ways. My hyper vigilance was false. But justmaking dinner, trying to give baths, put them to bed, it all seemed overwhelming.

Then we hit a magic time, right about when Judah hit 2-3. As soon as I didnt have diaper bags, things seemed easier. Along with it some thing were harder (Try the "Daddy I have to go to the bathroom" when it is just you, and you take 2 girls into a mens bathroom at the mall!!!). But my parents got us Disneyland passes, and Disneyland had family bathrooms. We could just pick up and go, and enjoy ourselves.

As time went on, it got a little easier and easier, and there was more routine. No more naps, the girls were a little more self reliant, and I was a little more busy. Going through a lot of healing, the worst of the breakdown was behind me, and God was starting to build a platform for my life to grow.

But I realize now, with the cessation of drama and intensity, I was filling my life up with things that wernt productive, and allowed me to disengage. A subtle internal shift away from interaction, and more isolation than I realized must have come in. Until Danielle came out here, I dont think I realized how I had been shutting off in little ways.

Now as Danie goes away for the longest time we have had apart, it is just me and the kids. And while I miss my baby a LOT (actually both my babies!), I am finding a renewed connection with my lovely girls. It is so much fun to be with them. Going to the store is fun, driving around, interacting with people. Just being. If you know them, you will realize what Im saying.

I love my kids. I am grateful I am with them. I ache at how many mistakes I have made, how many shortcomings I had in such critical developmental times in their lives, and how many still remain. Even last night in a sleep deprived state I said and did things I wish I hadnt. But I realize that regardless of those things, to be here right now, and enjoy them is precious.

I love my kids, but I also really LIKE them to. It is important to Love, but kids need to know you Like them too. And I need to tell them that again today.

Timing could be everything

Danielle is in Germany this week. Her (and our) good friend Jocelyn got married Friday to her wonderful man, and Danielle had to go.

So this may explain our little timing issue about telling people she is pregnant. I apologize. We told just immediate family (and 1-2 friends) until we could tell the kids. But we didnt realize that by me telling the kids after she left (to avoid any heavy meltdowns), it made it impossible to tell allt he people we wanted to personally, and now people are finding out via the Blog, because it costs 1.99/min for Danie to tell people directly until next Sunday.

We apologize to many close friends and family that are finding out via a Blog instead of a call. Our bad. It isnt intentional, we tried to manage it and it got out of our hands.

Its official

Danielle is pregnant. We have waited to make an announcement until I got to tell the girls.

We are a little surprised, and the joy is beginning to set in. Telling my kids was a little rough, there has been a lot of change in the last year. But the intensity of the change is already being overshadowed by funny thoughts and ideas like "I wonder if Danies belly wont get bigger, instead she will get taller!", and "Can we teach it to spit watermelon seeds really far so it can be a champion?". There is a names list already being started (not by me). Sofar the list is:

Micah
Shiloh
LaFawnda
Dawn


I find myself in a strange spot. It has been so long since I had a baby (7+ years) and I have never really thought about the reality of raising children again, let alone doing it with someone else, and experiencing this as a lot more healthy person than I was before.

God never gives us trouble with a blessing. although some blessing cause trouble from others people! At this point, it will be yet another adventure, and a bundle of joy at the end.

What is the Law?

So WHAT is it?

It isnt the "Torah", although that is the Hebrew word for "the law". But even in that respect it has several definitions, none of which seem totally definitive.

I have a feeling that isnt quite concious yet that "The Law" such as David referenced when he said "Your Law is Perfect" in Psalm 19, and many other references in our bibles, means far more than a list of rules.

In fact, Im betting the list of rules is an almost insignificant expression of "The Law" in that they represent only the simplest things, in words humans can grasp, and all of which could be summed up when Jesus explained that Love would fulfill all of them.

I seriousy need prayer and feedback and any help in investigating this, especially anyone with exposure to OT theology, or messianic jewish pracitce and thought. I beleive there is some keys waiting to get released in this for me, and the Body in general.

And to think, this all started with sitting in the IHOP hearing people sing Psalm 19, and me saying "God, I dont even pay attention to your Law, let alone think about it or like it. I think Im missing something, please help me".

2 weeks later, something like a common thread is pulling in all sorts of interior places. God is on the move in my heart.

Reply to Don

Hey Don...

Wheeee.... And you arent rude. I am open to honest and sincere input.

Some disclaimers:
First off, I am still processing this, and trying to wrap my head around it. I though I made it clear in there, but I might have missed that.

Second, as far as "out of context" I make no claim to subscribe to anyones personal exposition of scripture, or bias. I (like everyone else), loves proof texting when it suits me, and totally disregards it when I dont like it. Anyone who thinks they truly exegete well and doesnt miss context when it suits them is deceiving themselves! LOL.....


The only verse Im pretty sure I used out of context was the Revelations, and that, along with almost all the other references, was for metaphor, or symbolism, not theology. Thats important here, because I am not trying to build a theology or a message, simply stating som ething, and using examples and symbols of other verses that I found interesting.

It is odd to me the Paul, John and Peter use the symbol of a lion with regards to appetite and pursuit (leopards and tigers, bears, rodents and all sorts of other things are good symbols too for voracious and yucky critters, and some of them are around Israel) so I included it.

If I am trying to make a theological point with some of the other scriptures, and they are out of context, let me know, because maybe Im getting screwy.

Actually, this idea might be closer to a "Health and Wealth" message (not gospel, puhleeesseee) than anyone is comfortable with. It wasnt intentional, and yet I think there is some of it that sounds parallel. My paradigm includes the reality that some of the "Faith" message is actually true, but some of it gets dsitracted or too focused on certain things. Im that way with fundementalists, and charismatics, and all the other isms and ists and icss in the body. One add-on I need to make clear is, we are responsible for our sin, and sin has consequences. God does forgive, and gives Grace to the humble, but we still have the results. We reap what we sow. But in Christ, I am forgiven,a nd can stand confident in front of Him, and ask for HELP to fulfill my part. As I do that, I am clean and clear, and the rest is someone elses.

The main point here is, there is something bigger and more decisive in our walk than what we think. There is a lot more to this idea than I presented already, and I hope it will distill itself more. But think through this part:

1. God DID come to set people free, including deystroying the works of the devil (Im thinking John 10, numerous Isaiah passages etc..)
2. When He was here, He literally demonstrated it, and then facilitated the disciples to do likewise (interestingly enough before they even knew how to pray!).
3. He commanded us to follow Him in many ways, including loving HIm, loving one another, and going forth making disciples etc...

But my head/heart/mind (hopefully all the things Im seeking to know and love Him with) are beignning to peel back something, and seeing some underlying principles, one of which is JUSTICE.

Not only have I suffered at the hands of myself, my choices, my sin etc... I have also suffered at the hands of others. And behind all of it (ALL OF IT) is sin, and behind all the sin is the invitation of Satan.

Satan tempted Eve and Adam, and then they chose. For all sorts of reasons, (none of which are explicit in scripture, but we extrapolate things like Free Will, and the nature of Love and obedience) God allowed it. But it is unjust. The enemy, using the Law, stumbled us. We bit into it, but he presented it.

We were NEVER designed to live in sin, and the consequences are terrible. We arew ripped off from the true experience, purpose, life etc... that we were designed to have. We were LIED to, and WE CHOSE it. However, it was false.

Not only did we get ripped off, but so did God. God designed me for intimacy with Him, tobe loved by Him, and in His heart, He wants to be loved by me. All the sin in my life, caused by me, or thrust upon me, has one big result. It cuts me off from the very purpose I was designed for, and strangles me. And both God, and I are getting stolen from.

Interestingly, God is not mocked. Not ultimately at least. We know people do mock Him day and night, but scripture says He wont be mocked. I think it is is obvious that God designed something for His special use (Paul talks about that in Romans I think), but it gets hijacked, and used for something totally different. That is a theif.

But God wont ultimately be mocked. So what does that mean. I think the Law is perfect, and the Law convicts me of sin, and brings me to Justice, which then the Blood of Jesus fulfills. But once that occurs, the Law is my ADVOCATE, because it was designed with Justice in mind.

My sin is now taken care of, and now my part is to contend for Gods purposes (my little list up above). Now the Law works in MY FAVOR. anything I have done is atoned for in Christ, and I walk out my part with His help. Anything done againt me (or Him) I can bring as a petition to Him, and He who wrote the Law, is the Judge as well. He also is the ONE who enacts Justice on our behalf. He DESIRES Justice, and will eventually even come Himself and MAKE IT HAPPEN all the way down to even things like envrionmental issues.

Thsi is rambling on and on, but my point is that it isnt a name it and claim it scenario int he classic sense, but it is a point where I am beginning to realize God WANTS to do something, bith He and I have been injured in this, and positionally only He has the power currently to restore anything to righteousness. My part is to go before Him, and admit my part, be cleansed, and then ask Him to do what He wants to do. Just like in the Promised Land, He then gives me the way to walk, and give me His power to do what He wishes. But the enemy is bound by the law just like I was, and now the LAw is my advocate against him.

Dont know if I make any sense, and I know there must be lots of spelling errors. what do you think?

UnsysteMatic tHeologies of juStice and PrayEr

Well, Im am sifting through a lot thathas been building for years in me. I assume I will find people who already know this, or who could really help me expand my understanding on this. But I have a had a few requests to write this down, so that it could be simply presented. I would love ot hear others expound on it.

1. The Thief, and his food.
Prov 6:30-31
30 Men do not despise a thief if he steals to satisfy his hunger when he is starving.
31 Yet if he is caught, he must pay sevenfold, though it costs him all the wealth of his house.
(NIV)

I have read other translations that say it even slightly different, but the basic idea here is we understand (not permit or accept!) the reality that a person steal when they are hungry, but when they do, they must pay back 7 times what they have stolen.

2. Who is the thief?
John 10:1
1 "I tell you the truth, the man who does not enter the sheep pen by the gate, but climbs in by some other way, is a thief and a robber.
(NIV)
John 10:10
10 The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy;
(NIV)

The thief is the devil, and those who do his work. He seeks to steal, and to incite others to steal.

3. Is the thief hungry?
1 Pet 5:8
8 Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.
(NIV)

He walks around hungry, looking for anything he can eat.

2 Tim 4:17
17 But the Lord stood at my side and gave me strength, so that through me the message might be fully proclaimed and all the Gentiles might hear it. And I was delivered from the lion's mouth.
(NIV)

Paul uses the concept of the Lions Mouth that was chasing him, and seeking to devour him as he shared the Gospel.

Rev 13:2
2 And the beast which I saw was like unto a leopard, and his feet were as the feet of a bear, and his mouth as the mouth of a lion: and the dragon gave him his power, and his seat, and great authority.
(KJV)

The beast has a mouth like a lion.

4. What is his food?
Gen 3:14
14 So the LORD God said to the serpent, "Because you have done this, "Cursed are you above all the livestock and all the wild animals! You will crawl on your belly and you will eat dust all the days of your life.
(NIV)

Gen 2:7
7 the LORD God formed the man from the dust of the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life, and the man became a living being.
(NIV)

Man is formed from the dust, and the enemy is cursed and forced to eat the dust all the days of his life.

5. The redemption-Summary
The enemy walks the earth like a hungry lion, seeking to steal and kill and destroy. His food is the dust of the earth, and he is ravenous. Mankind is made from the dust of the earth, and is essentially the enemy’s food.

The enemy prowls the earth looking to eat mankind. We understand this is the way it works. We know the routine. We all understand the enemy is seeking us out, to see if he can devour us. We don’t say it is ok, but we do know it is the way things work.
HOWEVER, when he is caught, he must repay back 7 times what he has stolen, even if it costs him everything.

Whatever the enemy has EVER stolen, time, money, faith, hope, love, intimacy etc… WHEN he is caught, he must pay back 7 times what he stole, even if it bankrupts him.
The foundation of Gods throne is Justice. As we bring the enemy before Him, we can ask for 7 times what has been stolen from us. It is Gods role to adjudicate, and then enforce the sentence.

Not only that, but we can extrapolate this concept, and ask for revelation of any place in our life we have been stolen from. As Holy Spirit reveals this to us, we go quickly to the JUST JUDGE, and start the process.

There is so much more to expand on. Think about Leviticus. Everything is set up that when something is stolen, we get more back than we lost. And on the other side, whenever we give, we get more back.

The economy of the Kingdom is geared to our benefit. And also the enemy’s. He knows these laws, and uses them against us. He accuses us in front of God, Jesus even uses a similar example about casting demons out, and them coming back with 7 OTHERS. It is as if the enemy gets cast out, but says “I had a RIGHT to be there, and I was kicked out unjustly. See they haven’t put anything back in there, so I have a right to go back, and bring more than what I lost!”

We must begin to rise up, and ask God to reveal to us anywhere we have stolen, admit it, repent, and ask for Grace. In Christ, we can stand in Gods court, and petition for justice where we have been stolen, until the enemy has to go oppress someone else because he keeps losing more than he gains. Then we start to GIVE, and we get even more return!

My Favorite Danie

Every time I see this picture, I think about how much I love and enjoy my wife. I cannot explain all of it, it is more a feeling.

I remember when God helped me realize certain things about loving like this. Im not saying I can actually love like this, but I catch pieces of it experientially. Its kind of like this:

Question: Why do you love your wife?
Answer: I just do.

See. I cannot tell you why. I can tell you that I do. And this is the key....

Do you notice that God NEVER says (that I can think of) "I love you because...."

In fact, I cannot think of one thing God says when He talks about Love that is qualified by the recipient.

What I do see is this: "I Love things ABOUT you like this....(ala Song of Songs)"

There are a lot of things I like/love about Danielle. I could list them, and spent some time recently in Kansas City with people who traded lots of them with me.

But now I think I see a little bit about God's Love. If He loved me because I was obedient, as soon as I failed, He wouldnt love me anymore. If He loved me because I was attractive, as soon as I got older, He would stop etc...

But He doesnt love me for a reason based on me/myself, only Him. I dont think He ever explains WHY, He just DOES. I can bless Him, and I can even ravish His heart, but He will always Love me because He does.

so as great as my wife is, and as many wonderful things there are about her, I think I get it more now than ever.



However, when it comes to "Why do you love her?". I just do.

I cannot beleive Im saying this...

Normally when I go to some place outside Los Angeles, I might experience a little more spiritual freedom. Or at least not as much spiritual resistance. Los Angeles has a certain atmosphere that can be hard to operate in for me.

Coming back from Las Vegas, I experienced a progressive clearing of the spiritual atmosphere like nothing I have experienced. The farther away I got, the more my head/heart cleared up.

Im actually relieved to be home. I need to come to grips with how immature and weak I am in my walk.

2 things I think I realized.

1. Las Vegas is so false, that as soon as any serious problem emerges, it will fold. You would think surviving in the desert like that would make people tough. I think because of the dependence on the immorality of people, they have become very wealthy and able to overcome the situation. Have a significant drought for instance, lasting a few years, and when water rationing goes real, that place will fold up and become a dustbowl.

2. The Christians who thrive there, will be able to thrive anywhere. To maintain a vigilant, open heaven in an environment like that (a spiritual desert) must form and create in people such an intense ability to persevere, they will be able to endure.


God can keep anyone from falling away, I see that better now. And by turning toward Him, we can thrive. Some people may end up very grateful they lived in that city (and many others around the world like San Francisco, New Orleans etc...). As things become more unstable, most of these beleivers are probably ging to laugh and enjoy the ride.

A Call to go to Las Vegas

Im in Las Vegas right now. Not for THE CALL, but because of a Call...

Im at a trade show for the woodworking industry, helping out where I can to sell the fledgling software I built. I have done this 3-4 times at a large trade show. Everyother year it is in Las Vegas, and opposite years it is in Atlanta.

I have always liked Vegas. Aside from all the ugly parts of it, frankly I enjoy gambling a little, I enjoy all the activity, and the food! I actually cry a little when I see the beauty of the Bellagio fountains at night, and some of the shows (Cirque Du Solieil) are just amazing. In fact the Mystere show was the closest things I have seen to some heavenly visions I have had!

This time though, Im hurting a little. As I flew in, I flew over Sam Boyd Stadium, and prayed over it as The Call is possibly going to be there soon, if it doesnt change venues due to the heat.

As you look down at this vast sprawl in the middle of nowhere, you begin to realize just how false this WHOLE place is. The volume of water used here is atrocious, and imported from the river. The eletricity is unreal. The amount of people here is amazing.

And the and prostitution! I had forgotten this part. As I walked down the street to a restaurant, I was inundated with flyers on the ground, and in news racks every block, with graphic pictures, and with my background I know exactly what is waiting inside these things.

What is odd is I have been able to ignore them all the other times, and actually just detatch myself from them. Heck, this year I even went to the BurningMan regional just down the highway, and had no issues (in fact I had a harder time in a prayer meeting when I got back, than I did around the Burners as far as wandering eyes and avoiding ).

What has changed? A lot of fasting and prayer this year. In fact most of the year. And hearing at The Call some of the massive percentages of affect immorality has had in the Body worked me. I have a terrible background in this, and have had a lot of healing, and being married and my soul feeding on intimacy (not just ual!) with a healthy woman has really insulated me from all of this for a good long time.

And so here I am (rambling), being inundated with this unreal volume of distortion, I find myself unable to see or understand how it is possible to get away from it. I watched a movie on TV, and even though it wasnt graphic, I felt like it was spoiling my mind, and grieving God. So as I changed the channel, there was something ont he channel that was so graphic (I think I realized later it is a cable show about a prostitution house in Nevada,and they were in the rooms...). I finally had to just turn everything off, curl up in my bed and try to sleep and avoid everything! I have no idea how to overcome in this. I have almost no ability to see how God wcan/will change this.

And when I did, I had dreams of casting out demons out of children, and things were coming out of me as well.

And so now? I go try to navigate eating food that wont kill me, and deal with a mass of humanity, in the middle of a place that is literally greiving the Spirit by its existence due to its tolerance and practice of overt immorality.

But the reality is, it is inside us all, and here they just broadcast it. It is supply and demand, and given the right situation, all of us would go for this in some way or another. And the Body is into it as well,a nd the flesh revels in this.

Try to make it to The Call Sept 1. Indoor, outdoor, wherever. At least stand in agreement with it. I think it is more symbolic than the other calls I have heard about. It strikes into the heart of the manifestation of immorality more than any other region, or city.

The Call

It was significant, yes. When God calls a meeting, and you wander around an unfamiliar city seeing tens of thousands of people, from lots of different places, all intentionally not eating, viewing media, and/or even more intense things than that, milling about hours before sitting 12 hours outside in 80+ degrees at 70+ percent humidity, you stopped playing games.

It was fun as well. The Body, in all its various forms, in one place, is profound. From the Jericho walkers walking around and around the stadium, to the busloads of young people with matching outfits proclaiming one commission or another (like "I was made for war"), to the shofar people, to the toungue talking/devil chasing/faith speaking bible belters, to the LIFE band wearing, tape across their mouths, silent siegers, you get a small glimpse of the tremndous diversity of the Body, and the delight of God.

It was hard. The heat was hard. The sitting and listening to people for hours talking about profound things until your head turns off. Coming to grips with the reality of the stench of pornography, child abuse, death, and murder in and out of the Body. The burden of Israel and the cup of trembling she is to drink much sooner than we wish, and the reality that although God loves us, He loves us enough to judge us. It is hard.

It was worth it.

Some neat things...

We didnt know Mike Bickle was really a burly, 40 foot tall football player.

8am in the Stadium



Afternoon



What Heaven looks like...

So whats it like?

People often ask me, due to the distinct privilege of spending time in the "inner circle" (more like "inner dodecahedron") of the Bohlender clan...

"Whats it really like to be around people like that?"

I will admit, there is a certain mystique about the "Familar de Bohlender", and to be as honored as I am, to occasionally pierce throguh the veil and see into the "chambers" as it were, I realized I needed to share some of the heady, surreal, and often times "high octane, code red" environment that people dont get to see.

Form follows Function

Please wait as I step up on my soapbox...

Often, function follows form. But that is wrong. God’s design requires function to be primary. The purpose of something is far more critical than the WAY something is carried out, excepting the characteristics of the form (i.e. Love)

God created man… why? To give Himself something. In fact I believe it was to make something He could give His Love and affection to. Literally the object of His affection. He wanted to share Himself in many ways and forms.

Therefore when Man was created, the form in which he was created was important as to the Function, not vice versa. God did not create a bunch of forms, and then find a function for them. We see time and time again that God has tremendous plans and intentions that make the apparent capriciousness of our experience a silly conclusion.

Mankind’s form was created exactly, fearfully, wonderfully to fulfill its function.

The Church is the same way. The Church exists for the Kingdom, and the Will of the King. Its Function is predetermined. But in common practice, the form of the church takes preeminence, and perpetuates itself often at the expense of the function.

What is the purpose of the Church? I believe it is clearly stated in Ephesians, and that is to demonstrate to the principalities and powers the work completed in Christ. But how?

So much attention is spent on how the church gathers, but in reality, the Church exists whether it gathers or not. The church depends on God for it’s function, and exists at the Will and Whim of God. The church gathered isn’t more the church than when it is not gathered. The function of the church, regardless of form, remains constant.

The form of the church is even less detailed. In fact, for the most part, the New Testament only describes attributes of behavior, and examples of how people gathered, but very little is stated about how one SHOULD gather. It simply says to gather, and when gathered, the chief characteristic should be evident as it should in an individual…. LOVE.

Everything fruitful comes from Love. Without it, nothing is fruitful But the Bible does not mention that you should gather in a particular way, doing specific things, and following a form (or format). Paul primarily addresses this in corporate settings, and most of his attention is centered on individual behavior, not style of form.

Why is this so important? Because Form is the only part we can control, and it is the main point we all fight and disagree about. It is the root cause of dissention and division, and has rendered the Body far more impotent than we think.

Every time I have a conversation about form (“Who are you submitted to? Who is your covering? Women cannot be teachers. What do you mean “God told you? We need more “worship”! We need more prayer!” etc…) in the place of function, it twists scripture, muddles the simplicity of the message of Christ, degrades the headship and unique position of Christ, and sets the focus on our convictions, rather than our purpose.

My purpose is ordained by God, and the form it takes must be subservient to the function. I should constantly be examining the form of what I do, let alone the characteristics, so that I make sure the function is still being carried out. Most people don’t even feel sure about their function, and therefore continue to behave more like small minded, petty, squabbling ushers in a movie theater with a flashlight than a Prince or a Princess of the Almighty King.

Once you KNOW your function, you will be secure enough to let the form follow the function. In fact, the form will become irrelevant as long as the function is accomplished.

At the risk (intentionally) of being offensive, stop it! All of us! Stop condescending to endless and vain debates with insecure people, about ridiculous topics, than simply keep you from fulfilling your simple and sure calling! Namely, to Know God more deeply. to experience and grow in HIm, and express this to everyone, especially invisible rulers and powers that look at you in shock and fear! Stop living beneath your high and glorious calling.

And I dont mean be "in full time ministry" If you dont realize you already are, then stop, go back to the basics, and ask God to show you this simple truth. You exisit at the Will and Whim of Lord Jesus. His thrill is to save you, deliver you, enjoy you, and then let you loose to do the same with any and everyone you meet, in the special unique way you were made.

So stop competing with your odd vision of being something or someone else. Stop debating about how you gather, and start being who and what you are. Examine the characteristics of HOW YOU BEHAVE, and what your MOTIVES are, instead of how long some well meaning man talked about a bible verse, or a guitar player played, or sister Sallys kids behaved.

I will now stop my rant and step down from my soap box.

So help me out here Part II

What does Love Your Neighbor mean?

Who is a neighbor? God defines it pretty clearly as the one nearest you. It is the “other” person. Not yourself. And you love them as (or how) you love yourself.

Forms of neighbor

Ultra-Local: Another person directly near me as an individual.
Examples: Good Samaritan, Healing works of Jesus,

Local: Other gathered corporate expressions of the Body.
Examples: The letter to the “Church at” instead of “ The leadership/pastor/elders at…” From Paul/John/Peter etc… to another group in another city.

Extra-Local: Other communities, cities, regions, areas
Macedonian churches giving to the other region through Paul.

Loving this neighbor, in whatever context, is a secondary commandment. It is important and vital to God only in context of the 1st commandment being fulfilled. To do this before, instead of, or without the 1st is to miss the whole point.

This action of loving our neighbor MUST and can ONLY come from intimacy with God in a Love Relationship. Clearly Gods heart is to reach out to us. By focusing on Him, we will become like Him, and take on His nature. This will inevitably lead us out, as that is where He goes.

Song 2:13-15
13 'The fig tree has ripened its figs, and the vines in blossom have given forth {their} fragrance. Arise, my darling, my beautiful one, and come along!'"
14 "O my dove, in the clefts of the rock, in the secret place of the steep pathway, let me see your form, let me hear your voice; for your voice is sweet, and your form is lovely."
15 "Catch the foxes for us, the little foxes that are ruining the vineyards, while our vineyards are in blossom."
(NAS)

Song 1:4
4 "Draw me after you {and} let us run {together!} The king has brought me into his chambers." "We will rejoice in you and be glad; we will extol your love more than wine. Rightly do they love you."
(NAS)

The Call

"I would like to ask each and every one of you to answer the call," Gore said.

Hmmmm.......

The Call was neat. It was more than that, but it is hard to explain. Although I understand the idea of sacred assembly a little, to be honest it was more like a festival to me. I mean fasting is good, and solemn prayer is good. But it is far too much fun to watch people from different tribes, nations, tongues etc... implore each other, repent to each other, firgive each other, and ask God for His mercy than most anything else I can think of.

I mean this. Halfway into the second hour Im thinking "But God, this is FUN...". LOL. I Like praying for Israel as a nation (and as 2 daughters) with 60,000 others. I ENJOY talking and hearing about Gods mercy, and intimacy. I LOVE being challenged and hearing a former abortionist ask forgiveness, and forcing my mind to accept that God has desired mercy in every way, in every thing.

We found ourselves at dinner Friday night with some of the most delightful people!!! As one man said "I see 4 families, from 3 different cities, gathered around 1 table, is an entirely different city". WOW. And all because God got our hearts somehow, and He gave us Grace to Love Him!

I mean this truly. I hope to see them all again like that, and wish I could spend days with them all. But it will be at MOST 60-70 years, and we will all be doing this again. At the most, I have to wait that long. And the stories we will tell one another by then.

Same thing with the Fathers Blessing Tent. I got the privilege of praying blessings and asking for foregivness as a father over people, total strangers. And the organizers hooked me up with 2 anointed older women (I guess I needed some more supervision than others), and we broke all the rules (not on purpose) and got all prophetic with people in context of blessing and repenting! It was WILD. 1 hours went by in what felt like 5 minutes. I was literally hanging on to the tent structure to stand at times, as the prescence was amazing. And as I left, I hugged them, and all I could say was "See you in heaven if I dont see you before!". And it is TRUE.

I dont understand all the prophetic dynamics about The Call. I dont know how things respond to this gathering, and all the bhind the scenes stuff int he heavens. But I know that now more than ever, I am grasping the eternal significance of things, and my heart is slowly getting pointed on the eternal.

Look ma Im on GodTV

I feel like Im in the midst of celebrities! I mean, I saw my favorite bass player in the whole wide world, Cassie from the team that Misty Edwards leads!! WOW. And other famous IHOP people, including our personal favorite from the end times conference, Kelsey. Im saying this all tongue in cheek of course, but it is funny.

There are TV cameras, sound gear, people people people, and PRAYER. The anointing is getting really strong, and as the sessions broke for lunch, the anpinting began to move around with all the people, it was amazing.

Seriously though it is kind of surreal. Im at the Rennaisance hotel visiting with dear friends, cherishing time with kids, and watching history in the making. Im hearing Dutch Sheets yelling about the tide turing after 40 years, thousands of people in prayer and travail, as I walk down the hallway to go to the bathroom. On the way, about 10 young, hairy, 20 somethings are casting a demon out of a young man.

At a normal conference, you might see 1500 people.I have seen at least 10,000, half of whom my wife knows. And you realize, after the 3rd bus drops off 50 16 year old kids from 600 miles away (or more) who have been fasting and oraying for 6 weeks, that when God calls for a gathering, it looks like an invasion.

At dinner, we had a tremendous time. 2 people I realized I needed to talk to about a burgeoning project God is starting up, both of who I like a LOT, end up at dinner with us. I had no clue they would even be there, let alone all at the same time we were, with the same people. There were 4 famiilies gathered around a table, from 3 different cities, in a totally different city, eating and laughing and talking 100 miles an hour. I realized that however odd this is, and fun, within 70 years at the latest, we will all be doing this again, perhaps daily, either in heaven, or literally on the earth.

My wife is amazing. I watched her hold baby Zoe for hours, sucking up all the baby time she could get. She is definitely in her element here. I feel so priveliged and caught by grace to even be here.

tomorrow, we sit in VERY hot and humid weather, with 100,000+ people, with one thing on their minds, CHANGE. Even my own children are here, by the gift of some kind person. My daughters are going to witness firsthand something that changed the atmosphere in the spirit. They will look back and say "I saw that, I was there".

Within the last week, both my daughters have been touched heavily for them by Holy Spirit,a nd committed themselves to Christ. And now, they are going to be put right in the middle on the largest prayer meeting to date, broadcast to over 400,000,000 people.

Its going to be wild.

SO Help Me Out Here... Part 1

There is a burgeoning "thing" going on in my life, that has been sitting fallow for a while. Te last 120 hours have been radical. As I go through this "download", I have been processing all sorts of stuff, and I am going to do it here, with the hope that while LOTS of this has already been engaged in lots of places, I have to wrestle this out and need feedback.

Part 1

The Nature/Expression of the Church

For this idea, the church can be thought to exist in 3 basic expressions:

Ultra-Local: The individual. This simplest and most direct expression of the Body of Christ is the believer. They are the “Ekklesia”, and are the Temple of God, His dwelling place.
Local: The corporate expression. Individuals gathered together. This is the most common paradigm of the church.
Extra-Local: The church within a geographical area, such as a city or in our case a county.

The Commandments:

Matt 22:36-40
36 "Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?"
37 Jesus replied: "'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.'
38 This is the first and greatest commandment.
39 And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'
40 All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments."
(NIV)

The primary commandment is to Love God. Being primary, it MUST be done BEFORE any other one, in fact it must be done at the expense of any others. To do any other thing before doing this, is to be in the wrong place, doing the wrong thing, for the wrong reason. All other things, as good as they are, must be subordinate to this one thing.

An additional thought is to do the 2nd, we must do the first. It would be impossible to do the 2nd in truth without having done the 1st. But having done the 1st, even giving a cold cup of water to someone becomes the 1st.

What does Love God mean?

Love means more than an action in this verse. It is talking about all of the resources, intents, feelings as well as actions. It implies an ongoing, all encompassing idea, not a periodic, event oriented concept.

In addition, this says nothing about classic ideas like “worship” (what I will call expression), “giving”, “study” etc… It is talking about the motives, intents, and paradigms underneath all those activities.

It is talking about a Love Relationship.

Dont just pray...

This am as I was trying to slow down the waking up process, I waspraying and thought about the fact that all these crazy people are fasting and praying for a breakthrough coinciding with The Call on 7/7/07.

A really ODD thing is my wife was going. then my exwife called and said someone had wanted to pay for and send her and my kids. Whoever they are, God will You please rain affection down upon their heads every day of my kids life!

Anyhow, since I dont have to stay home, as my kids will be gone, I have decided to go as well. Honestly, I want to support the Call, but I dont feel really connected to it. I love the idea, but it hasnt hit a place in my heart at all. Im not opposed to it,a nd I am for it, not just in a real deep way.

anyhow, the girls told us that they are fasting TV at their moms house, so Danie and I decided to join them in that, as well as fast and pray ourselves. It has had its usual fits.I dotn like fasting, but I need it. As soon as I start any fasting things start cranking up, good and bad. More dreams, more revelation, more anxiety, more anger, more physical confusion. Conviction of my lack of appropriate fathering, remembering times of hunger and visitation, and wondering what happenned.

Today as I was laying there, I realized how much prayer etc.. has gone on, and wouldnt it be a good idea to RECEIVE it? I mean, prayer will work itself out in the world, but my most powerful times in GOd have been when I placed my heart/spirit in an open place, and simply received. SO I did.

I simply began claiming and receiving the prayer going forth by all these thousands of crazy people, praying and fasting. And I add my prayers in too. But I believe it is important for us to consider that we should make willful effort to receive prayer, to drink it in, instead of waiting for it to hit us.

As I stand in agreement, Im not jsut praying for some "other". Im praying for me too, and Im going past just sitting there, Im going to try and open my spirit and receive it NOW. Try it and let me know if it changes anything.

What I am learning from my Dog

See I have never been a "dog person". In fact my exposure to friends getting dogs turned me off so bad I swore I would never get one.

But then I watched "The Dog Whisperer", and I realized it is possible to have a dog, and the dog not run your life. Eventually, the kids and my wife wore me down until we got one.

And now, he is teaching me a lot. Especially about being a father, which is interesting as he isnt a human. But he and I spend most of the day together. He will literally follow me around, and wherever I stop, he will stop and fall asleep. When I work, he comes over and sleeps under my chair, when I go eat, he sits on my feet and eventually falls asleep. PEriodically he makes me stop and play with him, because he is bored and needs attention. Other times he jsut simple jumps up on my lap and gathers as much affection as he can.

I have realized that eve3n though some ares of my parenting are good, I am woefully short on many things. I have been convicted lately that I doubt seriously my kids have a right perception of God as Abba based on my example.

Im far too impatient, far to absorbed in things, far too reactive. I dont seek to serve my kids at every turn, nor do I strive to make my affection known to them. Almost everything they ask of me has to be evaluated, and even though they persist, it is more because they want something than they believe I want to give them good things.

I choose to beleive all these things about God, but I dont act like them. This means I dont really believe them about God, because I dont "live by" them myself.

But Zebulun (his name means habitation or visitation interestingly enough) constantly comes to me expectantly. He WANTS to be with me where I am, and every need he has he makes it clear right away without reservation. He has tremndous "faith" if we can call it that. And that faith seems to provoke me. It seems to pull out things inside my heart, and I end up showering affection and protection on him.

I need to repent of the things in my heart that have kept me from doing that with my own children. I can explain why and how they arent there. There are reasons, and I wont ever be perfect, but if God is putting His finger on this, it must be because He wants to release something more in me. And I have a very short time to bear fruit in keeping with repentance. Im excited.

The Idolatry of Revival

I am perceiving a dangerous, and age old dilemma...

Loving ANYTHING more than God is idolatry. This include the workings of God. We know this, but we do not realize how subtle this is. I am feeling scared and shocked at how simply and easily communities fall into this over and over again.

As I pray with a community, I hear them continually return to asking God to move in their area, do signs and wonders, change the hearts etc...

Yet these people exhibit very little maturity in fellowship with God. They are wonderful. They are the object of Gods affection. God is seeking htem out. It isnt a critique of judgement. But it is a problem. A big problem.

God has shown me a few times the underpinnings of this. The symbols are shocking. The results are grotesque. And the consequences are ugly.

God does NOT want us standing before His throne at the end, and account for misusing and misrepresenting Him. If He gave us anything close to what we ask, we run the very real danger of getting caught up into secondary, lesser loves. And we wouldnt know it or see it coming.

I dont want revival. I want to want Him. Revival without Him SUCKS. It is inferior. It isnt fruitful. The Body coming back to life and then going off somewhere other than right to His feet in fellowship witholds from Himt he fruit of His labor, and leads us into worse behavior than being dead.

Singularity Video

Had to post this. It is short, but fun.

Singularity Update

We just got back from Singularity/Dark Skies the regional BurningMan gathering for the California/Nevada area.

This is my first time at any event connected with BurningMan, even though my friend, my wife, and my other friends have gone. I remember hearing and seeing the pictures and the stories and falling in Love with the whole idea, and the people I saw.

I believe that I connect much easier to these folks than anyone else I know. While it is true that the events themselves create and artificial "bubble" of community, the reality is the creative expression, silly playfulness, and proclivity towards non traditional paradigm makes these people far more approachable than many of the people I am around regularly.

That being said, this event was a little disappointing. I think that Todd and I might have missed most of it by leaving on Saturday, but this event was more a desert party than anything else. For the most part, it was devoted to intoxication and exhibitionism rather than the radical self expression and art that is so central to the main event in Aug/Sept.

But I still met some wonderful and lovely people. One girl was so interesting to talk to. She is in her post graduate studies for modern anthropology, with a focus on the psychology. Talk about an amazing laboratory to work in! And the 2 gals that came over form the Pyro Pirate Porno dome were just so awesome.

I leanred that it is so much harder to drop all agendas, and simply LOVE and BE with people it is daunting. It rendered me down and exposed the gap between my immaturity and the Spirit of Loves intentionality.

Love loves because it is Love, not as a means to an end. Love itself is far more complex, sufficient, effective, and awesome than we know. It is the power of transformation, and yet it isnt trying to transform you. It is trying to give you the experience of itself. When we take Love, and try to use it for something, it becoems something else than Love, and then it fails. Love itself never fails, but when we twist it into any agenda, it stops being true, and fails.

I have loads of ideas now about who I am. The Spirit of Love came to me at 5 am Friday morning, and as I watched the sun come out, I heard this:

"When I formed you, I couldnt have done a better job. I did my best when I made you"...

For those of you who personally know the excellence of Love, you know how incredible this is. Despite all the experiences of failure I have, I am perfectly made. I may not be perfect in practice, but I am perfect in design.

There are many things more I experienced, but they dont seem to be something easily described in mere words. I look forward to going tot he main event with my wife, and doing something more personal, and directly loving. I know that I love to make people food and spoil them. I struggled with it this event, as I had no experience. Now I have some ideas and a better view. I want to feed people lots of little finger foods, gathering them around a communal table in the midst of the desert, and enjoy them, and the perfection of their intentional design.

Take off eh Part Deux!!!!

I had a great time up north. The people were friendly, and the town of Lethbridge was quite a quaint place.

I like this picture because it was May 9th, at 8:30 pm, and the sun was still quite high. This far north really changes things.





This is the casino that took all my fun money, plus my other money, plus some of my food money…. Well not really but close.








This is dedicated to Kerri, our short comedian friend who tells tall tales about stealing personal hygiene products from hotels The hotel I stayed in was so sophisticated, the products themselves actually told me what to do, and how to do it, like CLEANSE, SOFTEN, SCRUB. The main problem I have now is certain things are far softer than I anticipated, and my sense of taste and smell has been greatly impacted for the worse.








This pillows explain themselves, and have an odd parallel to my marriage. Ill let you guess who is who.

I wish I could claim that this picture had intentional prophetic implication, but it was purely by accident.






My kids might honestly force me to come back with them purely for the thrill of a hotel with a waterslide INSIDE it. For most of the country, this is not odd, for us in California, this is weird.


I had some more problems here…





As I was getting “interviewed” (I didn’t bring my birth certificate, and they wanted to make me feel sorry for it) an alarm went off. Literally, the man talking to me dropped what was in his hands, and turned and RAN to the edge of the building, along with every other law enforcement present. I don’t think I have ever seen people react so quickly en masse as that.

I had no clue what to do, and so I made sure to stand a still and quiet as possible. My mind was racing with the reality that someone was crashing the border, and the people who were my only hope of getting in the USA to catch my flight to go home were now on “high alert” ready to defend, protect and serve me. But all I really wanted was to get going.

It didn’t occur to me then, but does now that would have been the perfect time to pick up my key and drivers license, and quietly walk out, get into my car, and drive off!!!

Had things gone bad, and an “incident” occurred, I could have been stuck in the middle of a nightmare. I want you all to know I was ready to do my part and defend the town of Sweetgrass Montana, and the whole entire US of A from any and every threat, especially from (as it turns out) Canadians who follow directions, and dive just a few feet further than they were supposed to (like 10) for a vehicle inspection!!! Those darn Canadians almost declared war, and I was willing to “take one for the team”. I was seconds away form taking my Jaclyn Smith Charlies Angles pose and shoot at something.

Take off eh!!!!

So I was on my way to Lethbridge, Alberta Canada...

I flew into Great Falls, Montana. What a pretty place. I havent seen this much sky and space outside of being in the ocean. We flew in over the Grand Tetons, and then into this tremendous prarie. It was green and lush, and had these awesome mountains/bluffs in the distance. I was right on the Missouri River, which is odd, because I am so far West.

As I drove, I tried to take pictures, but they dont seem to do justice.

But an odd thing ahppenned when I got to the border. I guess not having a birth certificate is a bad thing. As dumb as that is, becuase it sure would be easy to forge one.

It seems Canada doesnt like the idea of people coming accross the border doing work for Canadian Companies. Despite NAFTA, it is a big no no to do work someone in Canada could be doing. However, I told the nice man in the bulletproof vest in a SECURE building, that as the owner of the company, I was confident I had not ever certified anyone in Canada to train or support my software, and would he please beleive me.

He did ask if there was anything else I was planning on doing in Canada, and after I informed him about my desire to paly poker and smoke cuban cigars (both TOTALLY legal here), he signed a yellow slip and let me in!!!!

The only problem will be getting out, or in esscense back in to the US.

Where is Randy Bohlender when someone needs him? He could blog so much about this whole adventure, especially because he grew up in a place that looks JUST LIKE this.....

Laying Fallow

Fallow ground is usually interpreted as negative. However, letting land "lay fallow" is a good thing in both agricultural terms, and within context of the Sabbath rest commanded.

When land lays fallow, 2 things happen. Nutrients fall on the surface.
Leaves, debris, snow, water etc... collect. As well, grasses grow, and some grasses have extremely deep roots (alfalfa has roots that can go 20-30 feet!). Thos roots draw nutrients up to the surface, from deep places.

Then the process of turning over the earth happens. In order to sow seeds into a soft, and receptive place, the earth has to be plowed, essentially taking the first 12-18 inches and flipping it over. As that happens, all the nutrients get out under the surface, and all the bacterial life and such under the surface get exposed to sunlight and air.

Then the seed is sown into a good place, with nutrients and accessible ground. Then a harvest.

The time span between laying fallow and a harvest can be at LEAST 2 growing seasons, sometimes more. The time of resting, the time of getting plowed, the time of sowing, and the time of harvest.

Some of the things we pray now, are part of one of those seasons, and the harvest of it could be a year or 2 away, and the experiences in between the prayer and the harvest could be totally different than the burden you experience during the prayer.

Don't be confused. Faith is what keeps us within the context of the original prayer. But there is another issue here...

When we see people, and desire to call them out into something (unfortunately it is usually somehting on our agenda or personality) we MUST learn the difference between someone being passive, and someone actively laying fallow.

The passive person is usually full of any combination of guilt, self hatred, fear, discouragement, brokenness, rejection, condemnation etc... and the message to get up and do something, and be something just sounds like one more condemning message, one more expectation being placed on the shoulders of someone who has experienced so much frustration and failure already, that is is at best useless, at worst, ensuring even more passivity.

What God showed me they need is to be bright to a place of truly knowing God is with thim IN the place they are at. The care and concern, and the true personal advocacy of Holy Spirit right in and alongside the place a person finds themselves. God with them, regardless of whether they EVER take a step out of that place.

The person laying fallow, needs to be blessed and affirmed that they are doing the right thing, and are obedient. We MUST make room for people in this place in life, and even encourage others to follow that example as God leads.

Not discerning the times rightly in peoples life leads to tremendous heartache when you try to minister to them. I am watching very well intentioned people stepping out in their own personalities and gifts, urging people to get active, for the most part because thats where their own soul is at. My concern is that by moving out in the flesh like this, we can run the risk of sticking our fingers into other peoples lives and combat the very things God is doing.

Beginning to get a picture

As I obsess over the immediate....

My mind was really occupied yesterday about the morning experience. It is an interesting thing, perhaps even a quirk. I can get very consumed with something, and until I get through enough of it, I cannot let go.

There have been several significant ingredients in this soup I find myself in:

1. My experience at The Well. This was very ugly for the most part, however several dreams, encounter with God, and deep healing sessions helped separate the ugly and bad things from the reality of what God meant. I am sure God knew it all would happen, and took advantage of my will to provide ways of healing and deliverance for me through all this.

2. My subsequent process of letting go of any and all preconceptions about God, the Church, the Bible, etc... and stepping back. I then began to seek God about what HE says, not about what I had been "taught". Im all for teaching, receive the gift of it, heck I even DO that on a regular basis with my own business. But in Scripture it is PERFECTLY CLEAR that the Holy Spirit leads us into all truth. To ignore that is to do so at my own peril. It is far too easy for me to all others to tell me what they think (or even what they think they know!) and integrate that into my beliefs. Instead, I needed to repent of that, and start over. I probably should do that more often.

As I did, I really got confronted with my own idolatry. And it hurt! But as I went through that, I began to feel more and more free. In fact I began to see how so much of that stuff I had been taught mixed with my own inherent brokenness really facilitated the dysfunctions I experienced. My choices were all MY OWN FAULT, however the unholy marriage of my own choices, coupled with a willing system that provides a fantastic structure for dependence and dependent relationships, really got bad.

3. My prior experiences at "Churches". While I believe that 99.9% of my experiences were with well meaning, sincere people, I got a vastly different picture of what and who the Body is, and how it is supposed to work than what I see in basic scripture, let alone in the deeper ways to study cultural and original language to get past the inherent biases of interpreters. Wow. I dont recall seeing anything truly related to NT practice outside of the multiple dinners we all used to have with each other, and some slight stirrings of Holy Spirit.

4. One other thing that is beginning to come up to the surface is my previous experience within the Church growing up before I left it to pursue the world. I didn’t think much about this as it is so long ago, and I was so young. However, I think the hyper-religious envirnoment my poor parents were exposed to has some bearing on my frustrations within the Body at large. I might actually be working out something far outside my generation!

5. My good friend Randy Bohlender (who no longer BLOGS!!!! at least publicly) told me something a few years ago as I was twisting and writhing pulling out of a season of purging and healing that he felt God was going to do something in the future that would surprise me, and put me in a place where I would be dealing with this stuff.

6. I just started another fast/pray cycle, and this issue is immediately in my face.

So anyway, as I stumble around in this place, trying to get a picture of what God is saying and leading me into (or not leading me into), I have gobs of revelation and experiences that prove it is by no means accidental, or self created. It is all part of tremendous work God is doing to make me more intimate with Him, and more fruitful!

Im so confused?

What an interesting day so far (it is 10:03 am).

I woke up and went to a prayer meeting at a local group. From time to time, as God leads, I will go and pray. I started going about 3-4 weeks ago with a really strong word from God. I have been praying for this group off and on (mostly off) for about 18 months. Here is some back story:

I believe God made it clear to me that He was going to visit them. It was exciting! And in the midst of that, He rebuked me quite well. He looked at me and said "Im going to go visit them, want to come?" and I said "No", and He said "Ok" and turned and walked away. And He turned back to look at me over His shoulder. I realized that I was missing something somehow...

My history with this group, or at least some of the individuals, goes back almost 15 years. I love them, and care about them. But in my broken travels, I have come to some rather different perspectives about the nature of "The Church" and How it gathers, and Why etc... So for me, "attending" church doesn’t even compute any longer. In fact, at first, I was so disconnected from all the process and the language and the environment, I really felt out of place when Iwent to see what God was doing.

But I realized I should go and see what God was doing. He showed me through some very significant experiences that He was indeed going to move among that particular group, and that they were fairly unaware. They have lots of input about it, but for the most part, didn’t seem to realize the depth of the situation is, or at least on a different way than I did.

So I began to pray for them etc... and it became very hard. The "culture" of "Church" can be so varied that it can be a real impediment to connection. As well, I have my own baggage like everyone else, and I also prefer smaller, more flexible environments.

Anyhow, I burned out. I couldn’t take the conflict between what I saw God wanting to do and doing, and the actual situation. I simply don’t have the character or the temperament to really help or be fruitful, and really backed down.

Then God broke me during a recent fast, and I heard about this prayer group, and figured it was a good place for me to participate. Then I started getting so much revelation, and for the most part it was so well received, I actually blew a few circuits, and began to dominate the prayer meeting!!! UGGGHHHH. But thankfully, a little help and input from an old friend helped me stabilize.

This a.m., I really wanted to bring an IHOP CD for one of the men facilitating it, because I felt like it would help give some perspective on different types of intercession, especially long lasting, constant intercession. But I have given all of them away. When I got there, someone had brought one! WOW. And it was a hit.

Within minutes, people are really connecting with a flow. At one point I had to go cry a little, because it felt like I was releasing a little of a burden I had been carrying around for them.

Anyhow, someone came and asked me about IHOP, and as I explained to them, they asked me about hot people facilitate this type of thing. We talked about it, and they asked if it was something I could do. I’m fairly confident in what God has given me, and I have some experience on a basic level with similar things, so I explained I could in certain ways.

Then a conversation began that just unwound me. The question about "How committed to this church are you?", "How do you fellowship?" etc... and the view of submission, what that means etc... This is all happening within a prayer meeting! LOL.

I was so out of my head, all I could do is give some simple ideas about where I am at. It had been such a long time since I have had to think and articulate about all this, I found myself at a loss. Pat Terminology doesn’t help, how deep do we have to dialog, scripture references etc...

I am really confused. I think. I have had to go through such a reprogramming about what the Church is, How it works, what leadership is, what servanthood is, the nature of submission etc... But it doesn’t gel with the very part of the Body I have been given a burden for.

I don’t know how to navigate all this. I have at least 5-6 people who at any minute can call me up and tell me "You are out of line" and call me on something. Is that "submission"? I have deep relationships with people that know everything good and bad, and we talk regularly. Is that "accountability"? I have yet to have the wonderful experience of "mentoring", but I would love to have some input from someone farther on than me on a regular basis. I believe I should submit to everyone out of Love for Christ, not just a special thing for someone who has been appointed a "leader". I look for how to submit in any given situation, first to God, and then to however He is leading.

I don’t want to ever subjugate the preeminence of Christ as Head of the Body to myself, let alone to anyone else. I don’t want to ever get caught in another situation where the leading of the Holy Spirit in the life of a believer is put up for grabs by men. Christ died for the individual, not anything else. To inject myself in that Holy relationship seems inconsistent with Scripture.

And I’m not a person looking for a mission. I’m not a resource waiting to be used by someone. I’m not a man looking for a purpose. In fact most of my calling has to do with those outside the Body, at least that is what has been made clear to me lately. I don’t know how long that will be.

Anyhow, I find myself really stumped. The only real thing I’m concerned about is following HIM. If he is saying "I don’t care about their structure, I don’t care about the details" then I should too. But I don’t understand what that means about how I am supposed to help and encourage and participate, if at all.

Easter Music

I realized that of all the holidays, Easter really is the most defining. It is called the culmination of the "Christian Calendar", and I think that makes sense. But in reality, like all these holidays, I should be living it everyday, rather than just thinking about it once a year, and making it a big deal.

I sat down and meditated and prayed out the imagery of Christ Risen, and Glorified. I had to picture it, and I felt Him help me. My goal is just to focus myslef, and connect with the reality of this.

Feel free to listen and participate. Stretch your imagination. Dont just sit and let some institutional structure initiate a ritual. Take that, and build on it. Ask for help, and see HIM.

http://www.brokenbreadmusic.com/Easter-2007.mp3

Right click, save as.....

Odd Thoughts and Ends

I listened to a few preachers the other day and as I contemplated what they said, other thoughts came to mind.

1. When Satan tempted Eve, there was far more to this than we think. His message to her essentially was "God knows when you eat this, you will be like Him, and He doesn’t want you to have that. He is holding back from you".

I would add that he made that claim by his own twisted personal experience! He could have easily followed up with "I know firsthand, because He held that back from me, even though I was the chief worshipper. I spent all of my creation in His Presence, giving Him glory and all that He asks, and yet after all that service He held back from me all the good stuff, all the reward."

This is to a woman who was experiencing complete and perfect fellowship with God. Literally the very thing she was made for. It couldn’t have gotten any better for her, only more mature. There wasn’t anything or anyway for her to have more than what she had, because God had given her HIMSELF.

I think it can even go farther than that, but perhaps you get the picture. I think of friends, acquaintances, loved ones etc... who are hoping for things, and chasing things, and I cannot help but think about the pain of feeling let down, or withheld from, or that elusive "IT" that they believe God isn’t going to ever give them. And some will look at years of service or works etc... and secretly get angry over why they don’t get their "payoff".

And even deeper under this is the idea that I simply want to be directing my own life. That there is something better and beyond, and if I could just grab it, I could somehow be better off. It creates a vicious cycle of hoping in falsehood, and not being right here, right now, and engaging God for where I am at.

2. We have explained the warning of Jesus at the end "Depart from me I never knew you" as a scary thing. How can people truly raise the dead, and heal the sick etc... and not know God? And our answers are typically consistent with whatever theology we have at the moment (intimacy, lack of intimacy, authority in the Name of Christ vs. relationship, 7 sons of Sceva etc...).

Recently hearing something a man preached about, I realized we have an example in Scripture that hints at it. When the disciples were sent out, they came back saying "Wow Jesus, even the demons submit to us IN YOUR NAME". These people were not born again, had not been forgiven of their sins in the classic sense we all know (Christ had not been crucified), they didn’t have the indwelling of the Spirit. and yet they all keyed off the Name of Christ being the sufficient power to do everything.

Now the metaphor breaks down because they were walking with Jesus, literally. However, Jesus, full of joy, is thrilled at the results. And He reminds them not to get their identity from the works of the Kingdom, but the relationship they have with the King.

We hear this preached as some kind of rebuke, and yet Jesus was so full of joy the words underneath imply leaping and rejoicing. He was excited that God was now releasing the same ministry to the world that He Himself had begun. All He wanted to do is make sure they weren’t lost in the works, but rooted in the identity of being loved and called and connected to Him.

Is it possible God even directs people, in HIS OWN NAME, to do the works of the Kingdom, and yet knows full well they simply have no interest in Him? At the end of the Age we see people claiming to have literally done the works of the Kingdom, and yet Christ explains to them they are not a part of Him.

To go too far is wrong here. God doesn’t tempt people with sin, but I think the idea comes through.

Why does all this matter? I think for me it matters because it reveals an undercurrent of work (flesh) that desires to get my life under my control, to get what I’m afraid is being held back from me, and the potential to go off and use power and revelation etc... for my own, and then slowly but surely migrate away from relationship with Christ is a reality. In fact, the more work, and the more revelation, the more I might be tempted to grasp it myself.

Stop Coasting....

I have recently got reaccquainted with a burden and a word from God about a group of people, and I recorded something as way to try and contribute to them. I also feel like if anyone would benefit from this, they are free to use it as any help they might have for prayer, or simply praying along with.

It is important to know that I dont consider words more powerful than music per se.... I try to communicate what I need to to God, and what I think God is communicating, and sometimes words are good, mostly declarative. I listened to this today on a long car ride, and at times, some of the bell sounds I could feel picking away at pockets of my heart. So please ask the Spirit to interact with you, and interact with Him using your imagination, and agree and declare right along with anything.

If you are coasting, you are going downhill...

Right click and save as.

As usual, the disclaimer.... It isnt professional, isnt meant to be, and if you have a theological problem with anything I say, pray about it and ask God to bring me into more of His truth.

Blessings....

http://www.brokenbreadmusic.com/coasting.mp3

So much provision

It all started with a prophetic word... about finances.

Watching the OneThing conference live on GodTV, Mr Bickle says (1st person God style) "I want integrity in your finances, I will be gentle with you".

I was touched. Most people (myslef included) would assume I have some integrity in finances. I try to be really carefule about how I conduct it, and definitely stay within the spirit of the laws etc...

But I realized some of my recent activities, while not illegal, were not consistent with what God wanted. And to change them right at that moment (Dec 28/29th) would be impacting financially, and make it difficult to do what was needed.

But I took the plunge. And then I started a fast. Because I realized I had gone from someone who could empty his bank account on an impression, who could see money as a simple tool, to who had seen God provide over and over again, to someone hardened, and fearful, and planning in my own strength. And I needed to get softer.

Within 2 weeks, I lost most of my main income. We were walking into a house that was in serious fix up need, and we thought we could get it for a song. As we walked in, I got a call on my cell, and it ended up being a call telling me I no longer had a job with a company, and lost several thousands a month.

And then a funny thing happenned. I felt as if God were repositioning me. I had felt like I had made a wrong choice in going to work with these people when I did. and I felt relieved. And a little shocked. I flet like it had been coming for a while, and it turns out they had too.

Since then, I realized we are in better shape than anyone would imagine. I think God kept us from buying a house, because by all indicators since then, the market isnt even close to the bottom. Master SOlutions is no picking up a little. Im back into the mode I had been for years, and it seems to be working.

Then at the end of the fast, God visits! I wasnt expecting this. I was fasting for a softening of heart. He comes and explains all sorts of things to me, how I am wired, why, what He wants me to do. All sorts of leadings and thoughts for years begin to make sense. And He re-prioritizes my life in a strange way.

I know many who have had seemingly opposite experiences. Im not saying this as if to say this is how it should be, but many things are being activated, and God is not just fulfilling things, He is being far more generous than I even realize. He is winning my heart again, and encouraging me to soften up and let Him work. I give Him an inch, and He takes a mile.

There have been other, very hurtful things that have happenned recently. Accusations of awful things, and trials we have gotten to go through. And yet I keep feeling HIM leading us. He is so much more than I deserve.