My heart hurts

When I heard this story about Ted Haggard before the weekend, and now I read this, a simple synopsis of his public confession. http://www.latimes.com/news/nationworld/nation/la-na-haggard6nov06,0,7806096.story?coll=la-home-headlines

The thing that hurswt is how hard it is to be trapped like this. I know first hand what it is like to be so stuck in one part of life, and have other parts operating as if things are fine. It is so confusing to be struggling with things (not just sexual dysfunction) and how it comes and goes seemingly at random.

While I know all the issues about sexual dysfunction, and hasve spent hours talking about the dynamcs of the seemingly worse "same sex" confusion (it isnt worse, only less understood), the reality is that Sunday am my family and I were talking about Saddam Hussein, and how he will be killed for his sin in public. And we talked about sin, and the nature of it. And how guilty I am of many of the same things inside my head, and how I am guilty.

Then we talked about how it is just as evil to do and act in other ways. How directing and leading people to believe that you have to do certain things, or no do certain things, in order for God to Love you or Save you is just as evil as killing people. And thinking about hurting someone is the same as stealing.

We all know this. At least we claim we do. But in reality, when things like this come out (and there will always be more to come), we get shocked.

I wonder how hard it must be to be put in a position of influence like that, and yet still be human. I wonder how much being put in these positions actually facilitates these struggles. I wonder if our need to have people in positions leading and directing, help them occupy a place they shouldnt even have. And all the intensity of that position jsut simple pushes every insecurity and broken place to the surface.

I hurt for this man. I dont know if he is really a liar and a deceiver, or just one of us. I have known and seen much worse behind the scenes, where people intentionally deceive and hurt people without any repentance. And they continue to perpetuate this stuff. At least this man got exposed, and simply was just revealed to be a weak human.