Judah Lion

We went to California for Judahs 10th B-Day. As Beba says "It takes a long time to turn double digits!".

We stayed at GMa and GPas house using it a base of operations while we tried to see as many of her friends as possible.








GMa and GPa gave Judah a complex lego kit that is from Star Wars. All of us figured this would be something Judah would enjoy and give her something to do for the day. In 60 minutes she was finished. Therefore she is a Lego-Jedi.



She also got Heelies which she has wanted for years. The sad story is her mom bought them for her but made her wait until her B-Day to get them. The night before we left she got them and was so excited. However they were much too small and lots of tears happened with Danie and I almost joining in. Thankfully we got to Calif and found a store with them and she was off and heelin with GPa helping. You cannot hear her in this picture but she was talking so much I wasnt sure she could hellie and talk at the same time. My bad....


Dad and I had to bottle the wine and we got Judah involved. She turned into the best helper ever. My Dad called her an auto-optimizer because as she did things she would arrange her tasks in the most intuitively efficient way and ended up helping us a lot. Heck GPa even gave her 20 bucks for being so helpful. Her she is helping sanitize the wine bottles. Again she can do all this and carry on a good conversation. She is amazing.

I love my Judah Lion so much It has been great just me and her on the plane and hanging out here. I am so impressed by her and she is such a passionate excited vibrant person. Everything turns into an excuse for a party with Judah and anyone around her is always better off. So many prophetic words about her from different people talk about how she is made to be not boring because God s boring and these pictures of adventures and excitement. That is her. I think God gave her to us simply to show us how excited He is and how much He loves having fun I miss my Big , My Bigger (although it will soon be unclear who is taller Danie or Beba) and my micro , even my dog. I feel ready to go home.

This is the first time I have ever “visited” California. I was driving around and went on autopilot and actually headed back to our old house. Everything looks so familiar here that my mind went into auto but as I drove around it didnt feel familiar any longer. I know where everything is but it isnt where I live right now. I got to see a few good friends and enjoy them and when we left it was sad. But it is an odd feeling of knowing you are going back home when for 37 years you have lived where you are leaving.

This New House

Well we finally slept in our new house last night. The Cutest Wife in the world has been hard at work nesting, and 90% of everything we own is there, much more of it is arranged than anyone would think, and we actually slept there.

We feel blessed and excited. There has been so much provision and help in this, from earthly and spiritual fathers, to friends and strangers who are now friends.

The next step is going through and unpacking everything. We have moved 3 times in the last 6 weeks, and part of me is scared to get rid of our boxes! As we unpack, there is a great ability to rearrange things, and put them away in ways that make life more easy.

In our family, when I have money, I go buy Kitchen Stuff, Danie buys Craft Stuff. Because Im older and bigger and we all have to eat, I got more stuff. Our Kitchen is fairly big, and it is already full. I have to go through all of it and figure out where I will do prep work,a nd where things need to be. Im already considering a remodel!!

Danie even has a room for the Baby. However, in my mind, babies stay with Moms and Dads until they are sleeping through the night all the time. This means we will have about a year of an empty room, and she is going to use it for a craft room etc... but I hope to convince her to bring all her stuff down to "my" room in the basement.

Danie and I have an odd life we figured out once. We spend a lot of time together. pretty much all day. And when the kids are here, all of us are on top of each other. Im used to it, and I like it. It got the point here in KC where Danie and I were finding ourselves sitting across from each other at tables in Panera Bread or at home or Higher Ground or Dunn Bros working on stuff regularly. I got so used to it, when she goes somewhere I get all confused. So Im hoping to lure her into the basement so when I work, she is doing her crafts.

The poor Dog! Every time the s leave, he gets sad. Really sad. Like a puppy who lost his little s. After he realizes they arent coming back today, he mopes around, and goes up to their room and lays down on their beds or their CLOTHES (that I told them to put away) and snuggles his nose into whatever smells like them, and does the sad puppy dog eyes at any passerby.

He got really excited last night when I took him over to the new house. Immediately he ran around, and then bolted up to the kids room. The door was closed, but I think he realized the kids werent there, but he was hoping they were!

Danielle and I were talking about how hard it will be for HuckleBerry when she is 2-3 years old and her favorite people in the world leave for a few days at a time. Oy Vey. Maybe she will have Zeb to commiserate with, if 2 year olds in fact do commiserate.

Turkey Day in a microscope

Prophetic vs. Sentimental

We went last night and saw August Rush with the kids, and some friends, and their kids. I have come immediately to terms with a few things...

1. It is ridiculous that you can go to a movie with a certain rating, and see previews for any movie with a higher rating. I went to a PG movie, and saw previews for PG-13 movies.

2. It isnt comfortable to see previews in a theater, because I cannot fast forward them, or skip them. At one point, all the Bohlender Boys, myself, and my kids all simultaneously turned our eyes to the side during a makeout scene involving a woman in her underwear.

The other thing that really struck me is that the BEST humans can come up with is sentimentality. At times, they transcend into myth, and those myths ultimately, if they are stirring the heart, eventually have their root in Gods heart or design. But for the most part, humans are anesthetized by a regular dose of sentimentality.

I, by the Grace and Mercy of God, know God. Not as well as I like, but better I realize at times. By definition, Im also prophetic because I am a born again believer who has received the Spirit who now lives in me communicating God both to me, and in miraculous situations (due to His ability to override my flesh) even through me.

I have met scores and scores of people like me. They all have a story of how and when God did what and how, and in hindsight how profound and powerful it was that He could connect the dots. How life changing it was, how awesome and awe inspiring, and how deeply it touched our heart. Heck, it just happenned last week.

So you go see a movie, and you need to realize that more often than not, some human, with a gift for writing, conjures up the best of human experience, and writes something out. And the result is PABLUM. In fact, it is dangerous because if you arent aware of it, you begin to have the majority of your profound experiences of the heart via 3rd party, fake, sentimental experiences that are of human (hopefully) origin.

This is really a problem. You become "In Love with Love". Not In Love itself, but in Love with the feeling of Love, or heartbroken by the experience of heartbrokeness. Your heart is fed a steady diet of junk food experience, and all of it is at best vicarious, and at worst completely unconnected to reality (such as a movie).

At the same time, symbolism, art, imagery, when God ordained, Spirit led, or even just honestly inspiried, transcends simple experience, and draws upon the Spirit itself. It causes the longing of a human heart to manifest, and have a true answer, all in the same experience. It is EDIFYING
more than UPLIFTING.

See, I know God. So silly little cathartic scense like Good Will Hunting dont do it for me. A little tiny come to the truth scene on a movie doesnt compare with a drop down, drag out, crying from the depths of your soul until your stomach muscles are sore encounter with God who explains to you that He has known you your whole life, and hurts and aches with pain over your circumstances. Then you KNOW the Truth. You experience it spirit, soul, and body.

It doesnt have to be soap operas like mine have been, but it goes WAY past an emotional experience. It is an encounter. An unless you see that authentic spirit in something else, all I find myself doing is yawning. Im not jaded, quite the opposite. Im hungry, and I have eaten meat, and baby food sentimental emotion is a waste of my time.

Thank God for His Grace!!!!

Turkey Results Pt 1

Well thankfully, it was a fairly good success. I learned a LOT, and realized later I should have done it by myself first, then cooked for other people.

I used 2 small turkeys, 10 pounders. They were Deistel turkeys, with no brining in them at purchase etc... these are different than other turkeys as the arent injected with brine, arent raised to be super fat, etc...

The first one I put in the oil at 300F. At first, it really seemed as if my thermometer was 20-30 degrees off! The weather was about 25-30 degrees, a little bit of wind. It took about 45 mins for the oil to get hot,a s I couldnt see the flame, and was nervous about how the oil would heat up, so I started slow, and increased the flame until it got to 300.

I out the first turkey in, and didnt have enough oil to completely cover. About 1/4-1/2 inch low. I let it run like that for a bit, and then added more oil after I saw the temp come up. I had a difficult time getting the oil over 300, and ended up opening the valve and carb all the way. It finally got to about 320. I think with the cold weather, and the lack of heat in the beginning, momentum was against me.

I noticed the oil temp pick up quite a bit, which gave me the indicator that the turkey was about half way done. I backed the heat off a little to make sure I didnt cross 325-350. I pulled the turkey and temped it in the breast, and then where the thigh and the breast meetm whcih should be the last place to hit temp.

My plan was to pull at 151, and let it finish to 160-161. My first readings were low, so I put it back in for 5 minutes, and then pulled again. I actually dropped my thermometer in the oil! Deep Fried Thermo.

I had to go another 5 minutes or so, and found that my breat temp was 160! The thigh was 150. I pulled it, and then put the next turkey in.

The first turkey did have a slightly pink section at the fron of the breat. Im betting a few things happened:

1. Turkey was not thawed as much as I thought.
2. Oil wasnt high enough, and that was the section that wasnt 100% covered the whole time.
3. Turkey cooked unevenly because of above theories. Some of the breast meat was a little dry, as was some of the dark. some of the white meat was a little under, although to be honest I KNOW it was over 140 for a long enough time, it would have been great to keep it aside and use it for leftovers because reheateing would cook it perfect.

With the second turkey, I ed the heat from the beginning, and was able to keep the oil at 320-325. This bird cooked a lot faster (about 20-25 mins actually vs 30-35 mins for first bird, I forgot to measure exactly). I pulled it about 5 minutes after I saw the temps going up, checked it a little low, and then put it back in for about 5 mins. I pulled it,a nd this one was on 150-151 in the thigh, 160 in the breast.

The second turkey was much more evenly cooked, and juicy. My thoughts on this one are:

1. Turkey sat out for about 15 mins while other one cooked. A little more thawing.
2. Oil was completely covering and hot BEFORE it was inserted.
3. I cooked it faster.

One odd thing was the sin was MEGA crispy at first, but then softened up. I dont know why that is.

Next time Im going to try a 15 pounder, and get the heat at 350.
Im also going to build some wind blocks around the base both to keep wind from messing with the flame, but also to make it a little darker so I can see the flame and adjust it better.

It was suggested, and I agree, that we have a deep frying party. Everyone brings something to dip, and we go for it, kind of like Cajun Fondue. In fact, we might call it FunDue.

Another idea was to go to BurningMan, and bring lots of fishing poles. We sit in a circle, and put fish sticks on the end (with wire) and drop them in, then reel them out. It will be called "Deep Fat Fishing".

In relation to a prior post Pt II

Mr Bohlender posted a fair warning for his street and anyone West of Holmes and North of Red Bridge.

We fry today. We fry in one of the only devices in common household use without a UL approval.

My first attempt to get the turkey ready on Monday freaked me out, and I had to go buy some more yesterday. I was afraid my frozen turkey thawed to more than 40 degrees F, without my realizing it. The main problem with this is that certain bacteria begin to grow between 40-140F, and I dont intend to overcook my bird. However, what freaked me out worse was the finding that certain bacteria product heat resistant toxins that wont go away no matter how hard you cook it.

It is too much risk. I literally work up at 4:10 am Wednesday, and tested the temp. It was 41 degrees. That is probably ok, but I have no idea how warm it got before I added ice etc...

So we bought 2 10 pounders, with the intention of bringing one, and leaving one standard and trying them. As I was under the gun, I quick thawed them both CORRECTLY (cold water), and tossed them in my 5 gallon drink cooler. They read 38 degrees ambient brine temp, and the underside of the bird was 30 degrees. Possibly still frozen a little, however the unique properties of salt lowering the freezing temp of water might mean it is thawed, just REAL cold.

I was going to cook the first bird anyhow (it is still in the backyard covered in ice) and test it to see if the voice in myhead was divine or not. I honestly felt like I was warned. As I pondered testing it on myself to see if I was right, I heard another voices say "Youre going to be sorry"

Oh well. I was so stupd I didnt throw it away on trash day (wednesday!) So now I get a week of stinky turkey carcass. I hope it stays real cold this week.


Will post pics and description for anyone interested, and my new Daniel Academy students.

I am really thankful

It really isn't cliche to stop and be thankful today. IT is a GREAT excuse to remind oneself, almost a discipline as it were.

It is obvious what Im mostly thankful for. If I could boil it down to the thing behind the thing, it is all about Gods goodness as expressed in His Will. Simply put, He has never let up on me. My whole life is now balancing on the historical fact, and the future hope/confidence that He will simply not relent in my life.

Via that Perfect Will, all these good things have come. God does not have one intention towards me that will ever not be completely good. When we say all things are possible with God, or with God all things are possible, we dont realize some things are impossible for God to do.

He cannot EVER think, intend, act or succeed in doing anything for me or to me that is anything other than good.

And all the "bad" has either been my rebellion, my brokenness, or others. Even some of the bad, in hindsight, wasnt. It was God taking things away from me that were hurting or even me.

All the details of this goodness, all the outworkings of it, those are facts evident in my life. I couldnt list all of them, and to broadcast some of them are to reduce them down into a list.

But it is still a great thing to stop, think about it, thank God for it, and enjoy it.

The Turkey Derrick

In response to an anonymous comment, here is the link my Food Jedi developed.



I am unworhty, and will not be able to duplicate this, so I plan on using teenagers.

Fry Turkey Fry

Alton Brown is probably the only mentor I have truly had. I am attempting to fry Turkey Thursday.

This is why I want to be careful....

Sometimes YouTube pays off

I love this. I dont know why.

God is not generous...

All I can say is prepare yourself. I had a wild encounter with Holy Spirit this week. Interspersed with crying, laughing, and screaming came the reality that generous is too small a word for God. In fact, while from my human perspective it makes sense, it isnt correct.

Although I do believe God is generous, I think I misunderstand it when He is, and when He is doing something else.

It is safe to say my kids have been rocked by attending a few sessions of The Daniel Academy. That might be an understatement.

And God has seemed to provide a way not only to attend it, but to provide financially. At that point when I realized it, I simply just got overwhelmed. I didnt know what to say or think. All I could do is play catch up with my spirit and say "Thank you God for your generosity, and your..." and I was stopped pretty short.

I cannot say I heard the clear voice of God in my ears, I dont normally anyhow. But I can tell you that what came very clear to me was something very close to a feeling that can be paraphrased in the following words:

"I am NOT being generous here. I am releasing MY PROVISION, to do MY THING, for MY PURPOSES to accomplish MY WILL. When I decide to do something, I PAY FOR IT MYSELF".
As I began to catch up with this, and then all the obvious implications and examples of this such as Jesus Christ on the Cross, manna, miracles, etc... I began to realize I was thinking in far too small a concept about God.

And as this reality began to trickle into my conscious thought, all sorts of other facets and dimensions of information came too. They came in parallel, so I was basically screaming and then crying and then laughing a different points trying to receive so much. I must either be very slow, or God is very gene... never mind.

Anyhow it became clear my kids needed to be here. Tracie Loux said it to me "Oh, you realized you are here for your kids too. It took us 2 days to realize it". Took me 4 weeks.

Not only is it important for them to be here, it is important for Huckleberry (the new one coming) to be here. God has ordained it, for His own purposes, to accomplish His Will, and provided all that was needed, from changing peoples hearts to providing money.

We can talk like this all the time, but to have Him tell it to me straight away was another thing. I have a new faith right now. I almost feel as if I have a spiritual credit card. God gave it to me to use, and when I am confident I am using it for His purposes, for His Will, I can exercise it.

There is other dimensions to this. Like the reality that my children are mine. It is my delight, but also my prerogative to provide for them. I get the privilege, and the right to do this because they have been given to me. If I decide and/or request my children to do something, it is both my prerogative to support and provide for it, but it is also my OBLIGATION.

I could even use the cool term noblesse oblige because to my rank, the honorable and responsible action for me, not another, to provide for my own wishes.

How much more God?

I dont take this as an opportunity to reduce God down to an ATM. FAR FROM IT! What it does (in my heart at least( is forces me to realize how perfect, responsible, trustworthy, righteous etc... God is. He doesnt expect someone else to pick up after Him. He owns everything. No one else gets the credit for providing anything. No one will claim at any point "I did this part here God when you didnt provide for x and y so I loaned you some of my..."

And because His rank is THE HIGHEST, He obligates Himself to the HIGHEST. He save me by paying for it, sanctifies me by His own Spirit, entrusts me to work by His own Authority, and completes it all by His own Grace.

There are lots more things to think about in this, such as no wonder things suck when I am not found in His Will. It requires so much work and toil and such, Im simply not able to fulfill it. No wonder sin has such tremendous consequence. No wonder it is impossible without His Spirit.

No wonder I am here... Now... in light of all this, what is God doing for YOU? What provision is coming down the way for YOU?? If He not only loves me this much, but out of His own High rank and honor provides whatever I need to do His thing, what is He called you to do and wants to provide for?

Girls Part 3

I have found out I am hurtling headlong into the "estrogen ocean" as Jeff Foxworthy says. The newest Henry is a... duh!

I must say, Im fairly confident with s. I have had a crash course in it, and came out better off. Yeah GOD!!

It is hard for me to imagine how God can make another s as awesome as Beba and Boomer. It will be simply amazing to experience.

Can you imagine what it would be like to be born with a 13 year old sister like Israel? This is a walking baby magnet. I have honestly never seen someone who can attract children like her. And what a role . Israel is/has become such a fantastic kid sure, but more than that, she is a good example. It is almost like my newest baby will get a chance to have her own Katie Mae in the house, like Israel had. I can remember watching Katie Mae playing "Super Beba" int he living room with Israel on a yoga ball. Israel was surrounded by an older sister type, who to this day, is still a tremendous role and influence.

And what kid wouldnt be rocked with a Judah Lion around? A wild, fearless, creative kid that can stop at a moments notice, put underwear on her head, 3 different color socks, a hat, and inside out pants and dance around the house singing "One of these kids is not like the other one".

And then a mother like Danielle. What kid wouldnt want her for a mom? She has already demonstrated so much character and class, besides self sacrifice, in being with us. Im serious when I say I have never seen anything like her, and the benefit my family has already had by being together with her is enormous. I have had more time with my kids, had more help understanding them and changing my behavior, learning to enjoy them... I just cannot factor all the parts and explain them . She is finally getting a very little belly, but it is growing almost daily. Mine is too!

So its just me and Zeb representing testosterone. And unfortunately for me (and Zeb) he just got snipped last week, so we are kind of at a deficit. But we will manage. Last night I took him outside, and after he "got busy", I told him "Come on buddy, lets go back inside". He stopped and looked at me. Then I said "Come on, we got to go take care of the s and put them all to bed", then he perked up, and led the way back inside and up the stairs. Hes a good dog, and he knows what he needs to do.

So here we are, the tide is rising. Thankfully next week we move into our new house. It is huge, bugger than anything I have lived in before I think. We just increased our potty capacity by a factor of 2.5, and have extra rooms for storming off in a fit. Not that Ill need that of course...

"Now I know why we moved to Kansas City"

I heard this in the car yesterday. The person who said it was 12, and I think we all kind of came to that realization as well...

We just came back from an exploratory trip here. We get a special dispensation of Grace and will be allowed to join this group of wild, fun, organic, build this boat at sea group of marvelous comrades. All I can say is I knew it would be neat, I had no clue it would be so powerful.

At one point, I was in Judahs class, sitting in and trying to get a picture of what we need to do to get caught up to jump in the second semester. Immediately, the 2 other young s at the table began warming up to Judah. Now, Judah is wild, she is outgoing, and she is exuberant. But most people dont realize she is also a little shy! It is quite cute, but a little surprising if you didn't know it. These s, Sara and Jessica, without asking or being prompted, offer their bibles, their money, their supplies etc... to Judah to use. Judah sat there almost catatonic! I was almost crying. These were absolutely the warmest children I have ever met. Within an hour, Judah had memorized the bible verse, and was coloring, and I had to tell her to be quite 3 times. PERFECT.

During this process. Danie was with Israel. I send a text message (a no no except Im a new) with the word "Status?" in it. I get back "All these s are flocking around Israel talking to her" or something like that. The next one is "Im so happy I could cry". After about the forst hour, I go over there to see.

I walk into a large room, with this lady at the helm. There are 40-50 kids, and they are going around the room sharing what God is doing in their heart. It is obvious that the right people are in the right places organizing this. After a while, Danie goes over to Judahs class, and I stay with Beba. We listen to all these kids wrestle with being teens, wanting God, living in a hyper charged atmosphere like IHOP, some of whom have either grown up on, or been involved in missions work etc... and you realize "Im in SCHOOL".

We end by praying and asking God to come and do something like HE did in Acts, and finish by praying for a young who needs a creative miracle. It was similar to a mosh pit by the end, the whole mess of them rocking and swaying and yelling in tongues, against the devil, at God in petition, at her body,

On the way put, we have a few interesting conversations, I meet a young man I have been watching for weeks who God has got PLANS for, stumble to the car, and drive off.

And on the way to lunch, my kids said it all... "Now I know why we moved to Kansas City"

I guess I do too.

Were off to the races...err school

We just had our meeting with the powers that be at The Daniel Academy. It is hard to describe this school, but the word "ORGANIC" fairly screams at me. It is delightful, crazy, bursting with life, and all the things that come out of life.

We are honored because in exchange for our involvement teaching there, we are being allowed to join mid year. It has become clear to us we simply cannot accommodate our kids needs for connection with other kids on a consistent basis without involvement in something fairly structured. On top of that, the intent and the curriculum as well as the environment is so surperior to anything I have been able to consider that it is worth the cost and effort.

The main point (that I can tell) is equipping kids for their calling via the educational requirements needed for our modern American societal mindset with a solid, biblical paradigm. This preparation come mainly through a curriculum that is centered around Daniels example in Scripture; prayer, worship, fasting, excellence and service. The context for this instruction is heavily social, i.e. among "excellent comrades", Daniel had his fellow exiles, and they went through their own trials as well. This created a tremendous camaraderie that facilitated the success and fulfillment of Daniels calling and impact.

This is a great opportunity for us as a family, and a real kiss from God. We get to do this because we/I am teaching a culinary arts class!! LOL. I cannot wait to see how much fun we can get ourselves into. It will be for High School and another for Jr High on Thurs afternoon. We dont know about a kitchen, so a lot is instruction and I will have to figure out how to do demonstration. Im hoping to include a lot of field trips and maybe work from our house for the cooking. This is a great opportunity to work with kids, help them, encourage them, and EAT!!!

Im intrigued by the intensity this school has generated. The story is amazing, and many people across the world are interested in using the . I hope I can help grow the organization in a way that allows everyone to fulfill their calling, and shape the next gen of precious children here in KC.

Updates... and Auntie Michelle!!!

Things are going well out here. Weller than Im able to process. If I shared it all, it would sound odd, and probably not mean as much to anyone else as to me/us, but suffice to say it is well.

We went to our 4pm intercession set yesterday. The s and Danielle and I have made a commitment to go. We have filled out our GodTv prayer guides, and we dig in. People dont realize how hard it is to pray for 2 hours straight for everything else but yourself!! LOL.

We actually stayed for about an hour. By the time the first session ended, at about the 45 minute mark, Judah, who had been rocking forward and back on her 2 feet, praying very loudly (although I couldnt hear the actual words), semi-collapsed in her chair, and said "WHEW, Im tired!!". No kidding!!! She had been yelling and praying and speaking life over her list, and I have no clue how many lives just got altered because she asked God to do a LOT of stuff. Take her imagination, mix it with anointed atmosphere, and give her some stimulus (music, lights, people) and you have something that is quite powerful. If Hurricane Leah and Jenai Dreger were here, I think the rest of us wouldnt have to pray, they would take care of it for us.

Israel has been growing in many ways, but they arent as obvious, but still very powerful. I believe God is beginning to use her intuitive, and sensitive aspects of her heart and speaking through it. It is more of an under the surface thing, but only God truly knows all the subtleties of my lovely . I think it might be He even hides some of it just to keep for Himself, and she is beginning to change in so many ways.

Danielle is getting a very little belly! We find out what Huck is (well we know what Huck is... a baby human, but dingle or no dingle via ultrasound next Friday). Danielle is a tremendous woman, and most people tell me that regularly. She is so productive, in such a chaotic environment for her. She has done so much, for so many, with so little. Most of you are already aware of this, but to live with such a Godly example has helped teach me and shape things in me. She is really a leader to me in so many ways, and yet she is never ting or controlling, but very thoughtful and considerate.

Im rolling along, picking up speed. Im intimidated about some changes coming with work, as it looks as if I am about to get much, much more busy than I anticipated. With that comes more resources, which is something we really want. Im going to have a food budget bigger than my mortgage because we are having so much fun the few times we have had people over for food. Our new house is almost ready for us to move into (3 weeks early!!) but we might not actually move until after Thanksgiving.

I have some opportunities to get involved with real estate that are unreal, and Im a little overwhelmed. I wasnt thinking inner city landlord type stuff, but the scenarios look really good for us to either do that, or some thing around here. I believe we need to transition our income out of direct software over the next 10 years, and that is both daunting and exciting.

God is moving around here. Being here almost 4 weeks straight has shown me some of the reality of IHOP. It is still a tremendous place, and God is moving so strongly here. But it isnt that far off when people like Mike Bickle say "Our very weak expression of the prayer movement here in Kansas City". It is lovely, and great, but shocking to the flesh to realize how much God is actually doing because we cannot, and probably never will be able to do. If we were able, He wouldnt be needed.

It is somewhat of an assault to the flesh how unnecessary it really is to night and day prayer. Your flesh (body etc...) is good for getting you to the prayer room, but worthless once inside it. Unanointed prayer still counts! But without the Spirit of prayer, it is wooden. And sometimes I can actually perceive the resistance grow, and dissipate. But you keep showing up, because more often than not it is great, and periodically, it is dramatic.

Aunti Michelle is here for the Joseph Company summit! One of the best friends of my life has come here, and the s are going crazy waiting to get to see her. She is even staying at Katchens house, so friends with friends, does it get any better?

We miss many people. We are close to manipulating and guilt tripping Jason to come here, and find ourselves getting restrained from cursing his job and house to make him have to move. We miss our friends in California via the Dregers gatherings, and the Phillips family, along with many others. It is surreal to be so busy and excited, and find place of the heart hurting for its friends.

Off the Ihop.

What IHOP does for Halloween-Millenium Practice

I wish my picture came out....

Some groups trick or treat. I personally refuse to participate in Halloween. Others make "HArvest PArties".

At IHOP, considering the nature of supported missionaries, youth, and overall zaniness...

They go to Chipotle.

We drove by the place, and there was a line around the building. And we recognized 76% ("Thats a made up number!") of them, all in various states of foil decoration.

If you wear foil, you get free food.

So think about the potential. You get to eat out, for free. When Starbucks is a luxury, this deal is a precursor to the New Millenium. "Those who have no meny come and buy" kind of thing, but in real life, and instead of milk and honey, it is beans, onions, pork, sour cream, and guac.

It was hillarious.

What do I despise????

Thank goodness for the IHOP, and the faithful people who show up and keep pushing. I am looking forward to more and more of my heart opening up and being able to stay connected and hungry so I can be counted among these nameless and faceless ones.

Getting the I got something stuck in the back of my mind, kind of like how you get something stuck in one of your back teeth, during either a worship with the word set, or someones faithful prayer.

Hebrews 12:2 (NIV)
Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.

The part for me here is SCORNING

Other versions use slightly different words:

DESPISING (Darby Young (a favorite of mine), NAS,
DISREGARDING (NRSV)

This is just stuck in me. Scorning, Despising, Disregarding are all active. It isn't an afterthought. The way Holy Spirit is showing my heart about it is

Hold on a second. I just started crying as I wrote that. God is actually showing me something important to Him, about Himself, and helping me receive it, because He knows I wont even pay attention to Him without His help...

anyway...

God is showing this to me in a way like a picture. I see a bunch of people who have collectively decided that the epitome of shame is to be judged, found guilty, publicly ridiculed, hung naked, and suffer for whatever they judged you for, until you slowly suffocate under tremendous nerve damaged induced pain.

These people, whether knowingly or not, would look at someone on a cross, and feel revolted. Not at the death itself, but what must have put someone there. The death on a cross is bad enough, but if you are one of those people, you must be someone to be scorned, you ought to be ashamed of yourself, etc...

The cross is a symbol as much as an execution method. Out of all the other ways to kill, this exposed more of the suffering and agony to the public than anything due to its very nature... long, tortuous, elevated (literally), in the open area (not in a cell)...

And the picture I get is EVERYONE with a sneer on their face. Mention the cross, and int hat culture, its the full measure of everything people turn away from, and cant stand to look at.

And Jesus walks in, and basically says "All that shame and disgust you associate with what you think this represents is NOTHING TO ME. It isn't just nothing, I DESPISE ALL THE SHAME you associate with this. I TOTALLY DISREGARD your assessment of this, and what it represents. My response to your conclusions is SCORN. It is NOTHING, INSIGNIFICANT. Not only do I not follow your thinking, I am OPPOSED TO IT. It is STUPID THINKING, worthy of SCORN".

Not only does Jesus have totally different values about what we consider worthy of SHAME, He is ACTIVE about it. HE is opposed to it, to the point that the same look and attitude on the faces and in the hearts of people towards HIM, was similar to how HE felt about the SHAME they were projecting on Him.

God HATES shame. He disregards it, scorns it, despises it. Not the people, but definitely the shame.

Now I stop and think, and ask you to think.... What is the object of your shame? Someone Else's behavior? Your own? You yourself?

God doesn't hate you, but He hates the shame in your thinking. He is opposed to it to the extent He will willingly disregard it. The Cross wasn't just a demonstration of Gods heart, it was a flaunting (to principalities and powers even) of Gods disregard about what we place value and shame on.

The only pictures I have are someone with an attitude, flipping someone else off. It is a total disregard of the other thing. I cannot say God is a mocking person etc... but I know of no other way to picture it. God isn't arrogant etc.. but He simply doesn't give a RIP about what you think is shameful. He doesn't play by your rules, and He doesn't ascribe to your values. He loves you so much, but don't confuse the fact that He think like you.

Anyhow, this isn't developed enough, and I'm struggling. I cannot help but think about this, and ask you again... what do you despise? What do you disregard? For me, it is me. I walk around with a sense of shame about myself. Internally, externally, it doesn't matter. Shame is like a molecule floating around looking for other molecules to bond with, and attach itself too. And there are too many things in me that are waiting for it to connect.

But Jesus (and therefore Holy Spirit and Father) hates shame. He doesn't participate in that. He looks at me, and sees His joy. He looks at the Father and sees ultimate joy in obedience and being a blessing to Abba. And in light of that, the shame people attach to their own conclusions is silly to the point of being scorned and disregarded.

I guess as He helps me see joy in Him, and His heart, what people (including myself) attach shame too will not only seem silly, I will oppose it to the point of sacrifice.

Here is what I have so far...

Different people have brought some things to my attention, and Im starting see a thread...

24 hours after getting here to KC, we found ourselve in a prayer meeting with many people, almost none of whom are from California, who are all gathering and preparing with a burden for California. They all either have direct experience, sovereignly, with 9/11, Hurrican Katrina, and the tsunami that hit a few years ago.

We were stunned at both the vision, the burden, and the lack of wild eyed judgement in these people. Many of them are simply grieving about what God is telling them about California. They are all paying their own way to become certified with the federal government, as well as trained inother capacitied in order to be used "inside the yellow tape". Additionally, the favor God is showing them with reagrds to finances, resources, and practical details would shock you. What I picked up during that meeting is a progressive series of "birthing pangs" about to hit California, that will increase in intensity and ferocity over the next 5-10 years. I have yet to discern this, but thatwas what I got.

This is combined with some very heavy words, and prophetic experiences people around IHOP and The Call have had recently that are quite direct.

Then, (in hindsight), we find that around 9 days ago, the Governor of California signed this…

http://www.worldnetdaily.com/news/article.asp?ARTICLE_ID=58185

essentially creating an atmosphere in public school that has an unbelieveable potential to program and influece children into what many of us beleive to be directly immoral, and broken behavior. I do not personally consider these lifestyles and patterns to be any more sinful than religiosity, jusgementalism, and other things. I do however maintain a vigilance that endorsing any sin is unrighteous, no matter what it is, and these particular scenarios lead to extreme destruction for the individual.

Approximately 3 days later, The Call in Las Vegas happenned. No one I know of is yet praying for judgement. There will be a time that will happen, but I dont know anyone being told by God to do this yet. However, this is a solemn assembly, and repentance and confession is primary to this movement, as well as intercession. This event was technically in Nevada as well. However, according to someone who was present, there was an odd wind that come either in, or around the venue. More on this later...

Las Vegas is on the I-15 highway, which runs south right down into San Diego....

Within a day or so, fires started appearing, and they were primarially (as I understand it) caused by a Santa Ana condition, winds from the desert that are hot, dry, and fairly strong.

The origin of Santa Ana winds can be understood by some as "Devil Winds", which tend to travel down the I-15/215 pass in Cajon.

http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-news/1915800/posts

However, you could interpret the name "Santa Ana" as "Saint Anne (Ann or Anna, which is a greek variant of Hannah). The idea of Anna is central to the IHOP. Anna was an intercessor who prayed and fasted in the temple, and really has a symbolic connection tot he praqyer movement God is raising up progressively worldwide.

As the Santa Ana winds picked up, fires started in several places, but most noticeably in San Diego, and Malibu. They are continuing even now, with over 1 million people evacuated,w hich to my knowledge is the largest evacuation I know of in California.

6-7 years ago, I had a vision of fire running north fromthe Mexican border along the 5 freeway, hitting the 101, and then splitting into 2 paths, one up the central valley, and the other up the coast.

Many of the people I know in the church are not prepared or have a grid for the idea of God bringing revival and renewal int he midst of judgement and destruction. A group of people I was praying with recently in the South Bay interpreted every image of flood and such as the Holy Spirit, which Im sure it was, but I believed than as I do now, that it could be both Holy Spirit. and a literal flood.

There will be much more connections in hindsight to this. Currently, all I have heard about is property loss. thank God. However, if there is no Grace poured out, the next time will be worse. People losing their homes must be awful. And yet to take Scripture literally, it is far better to lose that and gain your soul. Part of Grace being poured out for me is to realize Gods hand, and turn. some of the most significant times of Gods hand in my life have been associated with physical pain and trial.

I believe God will do everything in His power to turn the heart of someone, as gently and graciously as possible. But He is determined, jealous, and unafraid. If there is no other way but pain, I am grateful to know He will go there with me. Literally with me, alongside me, suffering as well.

Prepare your hearts. Dont be offended. Get oil. Be ready.

Blood Pressure and Orphans

On the way here, from here, I had a thought when I was here, listening to this guy talk about this place, and the prophetic destiny I was about to step into and participate with for a season of my life.

There was a part about "no disease known to man will stand int his place", which obviously hasnt yet been fulfilled. But regardless, there is a contention for the reality to manifest.

Then the speaker launched into stories upon stories of giving,a nd how God is going to supernatrually delight us in multiplying our giving, and capturing our heart and our affections by helping us see how He wants to fund His work through us, for mostly no other reason than to inspire awe and trust and confidence in His character.

It occured to me that we spend so much in money, resources, time, energy etc... about our infirmities. I dont know how much money hypertension has cost me, but it isnt insignificant. How much energy have I lost? How much time? How much intensity?

I thought about the reality that as people get healed, it frees up a lot of resource, especially direct money. If I am living in a palce where the pwoer of God is sutaining me, I dont need to devote a bunch of resources to things that dont produce any fruit in the Kingdom.

I had a picture in my mind that someone was disease stricken, in the Healing Rooms, and before they were prayed for, they were counseled to consider that AFTER (this is key) they devote the things God points out to them that were used to support them in their sickness to things that build the Kingdom. Money, yes, but in some cases it is more like energy, effort, excercise, time with others etc...

The key here is AFTER, because Im not at all a fan of the idea we could somehow "buy" our healing. It was bought and paid for. God will heal us no matter what, to His own desire.

But I thought about the literal billions and billions of dollars spent and lost in sickness and disease, and the billions and billions needed for care for orphans and adoption, the spread of the Gospel by sending people etc....

On Sunday I went here, and they made an aggressive effort to pray for the sick. God really touched me, and I realized how hard hearted, and unbelieving I am about getting healed. I have done all I can responsibly. It feels impossible to maintain my diet correctly, and event hen, while my high blood pressure improves, it hasnt gotten tothe point where I can get off medication, in fact I had to increase it.

These people prayed me into the floor. All of us got a sense that God was doing somethng progressively. God showed me the number 25.68. I think this is very close to the amount I payed for Lisinopril without insurance, which I cannot afford right now without great effort. God spoke to me about my need to beleive in healing,a nd my need to be able to pray for the sick with faith, and see Him in this light.

I have committed to giving that amount of money, indefinitely, to an orphanage. I beleive I will get progressively more and more dizzy, meaning my blood pressure will get lower, and I will have to lower my medication, until I am off it. I plan on contending for healing, so that I am not restrained financially, energy wise, resource wise etc... and am able to give more and experience more in the Kingdom.

Either way, I win....

Blogs, BLogs, Blogs

Its official, the girls have blogs....

http://judahland.blogspot.com/

http://izzylou.blogspot.com/

Im not sure how my heart is processing this as a Parent. I guess kids all have to grow up some time.... snifff...snifff. snifff....

a po box...

We have an address. We had to fake a lease froma friend. The logic is, you cannot have a PO BOX, unless you have an ADDRESS. And you have to have a utility bill, lease agreement, etc... if you want one.

Why one needs a PO Box if they already have an address is silly. I know some of the reasons, but why someone who doesnt have an address needs a PO BOx is obvious.

Sean Henry or Danielle Wheeler
Master Solutions, LLC
Judah or Israel Henry

etc...

PO Box 480552
Kansas City, Mo 64148

We are also living in a house owend by some friends. Thankfully, they couldnt rent it out, and we have it month to month for a few months. The basement idea didnt work, and we were all just getting stressed.

Things are going better here than California! We got out just in time. In future posts Im going to try and break down the things we are learning here about the burden people have had for California. Had I known this in advance, It hink I would have been worried. At the risk of sounding alarmist, there is some serious intensity going on here among some people with a big burden about California, and impending judgments and disasters. We met with some, and you wouldnt believe the organization and the Grace God is putting on it.

Then we have this fire all of a sudden, right after many of us got together and discussed ideas and plans, and prayed. I would seriously encourage our friends in California to prepare your hearts, and ask God if there is any place in your heart you are blocked from seeing God, and His heart. It might become very easy to get offended soon, and that would be such a heartbreaking thing to go through.

This old man, he played bass..

Well I sat in with a bunch of crazy youngins to play bass on a team at the new prayer room. I havent played bass with a team of musicians except for a conference this year, in probably 10 years.

It is a neat set up, and I felt pretty good. Having been playing guitar, and all my crazy gear, alone primarialy, for the last 3-4 years has had an interesting effect on my playing. In some ways, I have had to be more melodic, and more broad in my approach, and in others I havent had to pay attention to anyone else.

Sitting in this practice room, with these music academy students, interacting and playing was quite a treat. There are so many guitarists here that bass is a real need. And like most guitarists, I dont enjoy bass as much. But it is simple enough I can play, and engage. And I can get my chops and my ear back up to speed and get expressive. I havent played under an anointing like this for this long of a time before, so it will be interesting to see how it goes.

The kids on the team are really sweet. They need some seasoning, which is funny for me to say! It is hard when you focus on learning your own instrument, and theory, and all sorts of instruction to stop and remember to play the song, the groove, the flow, not just your instrument. I had to remember that too!!!

I guess after I left, Kurt (the leader) told me they guitarist and the drummer said something like "He has some old school in him, I hope he brings that out"! LOLOLOLOLOLOL.

I am an old school bass player. And I kind of like it! Even as I write this, I feel Holy Spirit touch my heart, and Im cryinging! What a long, strange trip it really has been.

Speaking of long strange trips, I see The Call is looking to go to Berkley, Ca. I just saw it, and my heart burst. I was there 20 years ago, tripping on LSD walking up and down those streets. Honestly, I had a pretty good time, despite the fact I was in sorcery, delusion, and about to lose my mind and God knows what else.

What wild place Im in as a person, living in as a community, experiencing as an environment and a culture.

Mrs Kansas City

My lovely wife is DEFINITELY the winner of Mrs Kansas City. Not only is she beautiful, poised, articulate, witty, charming, and totally intelligent, she is such a blessing to me, and to the kids. Even pregnant, and tired, she is relentless at making things nice for us, in so many little ways it is hard to list them all.

We are living out of a bedroom in a basement of some wonderful people who have had to endure quite a lot, 2 adults, a hyper dog, a couple kids, in and out, loud etc... We get to hang with these people, and to be honest, I almost wish we could stay for longer.

We went to a corn maze last night, that literally had 4 sectors, 2 of which were 4.1 miles long!!!. We went with a bunch of people that are so precious and interesting! I havent been around 8-10 single people all mixed together in a long time. Watching the dynamics reminds me of my life over 15 years ago.

Back to my wife. She is exhausted, pregnant, out of sorts with no place to call her own. We are having the kids overnight for the first time in KC, and I got soem time hanging out with the girls while Danie went home. Judah is entertaining all the adults, Israel and I are hanging out, and we realize it is past 10 pm. We go home, and the whole room is arranged with beds, blankets, pillows etc.. for 4 people, in a space that makes our last home look palatial. We all settle down (including the dog) and sleep all night.

On a good day, this would be hard. Pile all this stuff on top, add the fact she is working here, and my wife is definitely 1st Place for Mrs Kansas City.

Here I am...

Sitting in the Prayer Room, working... And Im beginning to cry.

Im doing my job in a way I have always wanted to do it, in a place I have always wanted to be. Im sitting in an environment where 100+ people are singing to God, angels are moving and stirring around, and Im sitting in the side of the room feeling my heart start to soften up as I amwriting custom reports!!! LOL.

People are pacing right near me, singing and praying in the Spirit. All I can hear is "You are Worthy". It is as if I am a database programmer in Heaven, sitting in a corner of the Throne Room and the angels and the Redeemed are flying around my peripheral vision and we are all doing what we are supposed to do.

Thsi is a sweet thing. So much so, that my heart isnt caught up with how heavy this is. The reality of my situation is slowly leaking into my conscious experience. It is surreal. I am playing catch up with my own life. Well, maybe I am playing catch up with the life God is living in me, and it is becoming progressively more concrete.

How long has God desired to give me this? How long was He waiting to bless me like this? How much pleasure does it give me to give my kids a dog, listening to them ask me over and over again, knowing inside my heart I already have one coming, and they dont know it. As an earthly father, I get this. How mcuh more does God feel the absolute pleasure of giving something special to His child? How mcuh joy is waiting for me that is currently stored up in heaven? How many surprises are in store for me tomorrow?

How many desires is God about to put into my heart, JUST SO HE CAN GRANT THEM OUT OF HIS ABUNDANT LOVE AND AFFECTION FOR ME???? JUST BECAUSE HE LOVES TO LOVE ME? JUST BECAUSE HE CAME AND GOT ME FIRST, BEFORE I EVER LOVED HIM?

And how much more of this is based not on my own ability to keep my life together, to do it right, to be a "good boy"? I tell you, I am a failure. I am a weak broken man who cannot maintain even a mediocre standard of behavior or faithfulness compared to most of the people around me, in the body of Christ or outside of it.

If you read this, all I can do is pray that you look at yourself and start to have you well defended, convienient, convoluted, self deceptive, mistaken ideas and walls ed so the reality of the Lover standing outside your gates can start penetrating. I dont care anymore what reasons you have for your own sense of disqualification from the Grace and Love of God who made you to love you, spend Himself on you, and bless you. You wont ever do it right enough, nor will you ever be able to avoid the Truth that He wants you no matter what you want.

Little Updates from the Prairie

Well we got here last night, right about 8:30pm. I didnt remember another time change, so it worked out about right.

As I passed Metcalf avenue on the 435 south, I began to feel overwhelmed. That was the first thing I visually recognized, and I think it made it all real.

Then as I passed the Bohlenders house, I realized I was here. How many times have I driven up and down Holmes, Red Bridge, etc... and wished and dreamed I could live here? How many silent prayers and whispered desires have happenned on these streets, and how many of them, according to my perception, fell on either "deaf ears" (as if God has such a thing), or simply just "that will never happen, stop making yourself hurt" type of ideas.

Now Im here. And I dont know why. I know some of why, but I realized I really dont know much of it. My kids are here, my wife is here (first time she and I are here "together"), even my ex-wife is here. Heck this week, even my ex-wife's brother and sister inlaw and nephew are here!

I had a much better time driving than I thought. Thank goodness for Kathie "Everything they say about her is true" Wheeler!!!!!! I simply asked here if she could somehow come and help us drive the cars, which would give Danielle a bunch of time with her favorite person. What actually ended up hapenning is she came, packed up almost every loose article of property in our house, and then proceeded to drive hours at a time with our dog in the car to help me by sharing Danielle for a bit. Literally, iif she hadnt been there, we would probably be getting to Denver about now, and really hurting.

Anyhow, it is taking time for things to set it. It feels like I am on just an expensive road trip (a REALLY expensive one). But I see my kids hanging out with Christina Ortega, around a bunch of young s fasting, praying, living on the edge and going for God, hearing how they "went to church today" and saw Lou Engle preach and pray and prophesy about abortion, and the stand we need to take etc... seeing my wife with her friends, it is all like a dream. But I have nothing in California except for a motorcycle (which I might need soon, Dorothy the Dodge Caravan really worked hard getting over the Vail pass). I cannot just move back.

Anyhow, I know I need to seek revelation about Justice, and the role it plays in healing and salvation, as well as practical steps to communicate the concept and engage it in the simple walk after Christ, help people devoted to prayer and fasting, and see what God does.

Its packing day

Today, a big trailer is coming to my house. They will leave it there for a while, until I tell them "Take my stuff to Kansas City". Then I drive 1600 miles to meet them there, and unload it into a barn, and then find a place to live. Then go unload the barn, and load my house. Then unpack.

I have never moved a long distance. You have one shot. Thankfully, Kathie (Kathy) "Everything they say about her is true" Wheeler came into town, and packed up our kitchen. Danielle and her got a lot done, and today is my day. Being a "husky" Lithuainian, it is my objective to load big heavy things, and try not to break them.

Then we drive. And drive, and drive. The boring part. Me and Zeb in Dorothy the Dodge Caravan, and Danie and Kathie in "Mabel" (Dont tell Danielle I called it that) the Mazda.

Los Angeles to St George Utah, St George to Grand Junction, Co, Grand Junction to Arvada, and then a big push from Arvada to Kansas City, Mo. The Bohlenders do this kind of crazy stuff all the time, but not me. Im a baby.

What am I going into? As far as I can tell, a season of preparation. All indicators point to a time of life that is going to bring all the loose ends and areas that arent quite as mature up to the level other parts of my life are developed. Its a neat picture. There is a reason why things in my life are retarded, and it is mainly discipline, and consistency. bith of which are difficult for me to maintain without a lot of stimulus.

I have gained a lot of weight back since The Call. The majority of this year has been spent in fasting of one kind or another, with lots of revelation and fruit. It will soon be time to incorporate that into my life in more direct ways. Being around intense people, with an external strucutre will help a lot. I lack that in my life. Being the least prophetic person in the room at any given time will be quite a nice change of pace. Training my ears to the Spirit is something I need desparately.

I might get a chance to play music, howevermy main call is to play outside the Body. But there is a real parallel to what the IHOP does inside its walls (and it is VERY needed), and what God has shown me to do is something very similar, but in a way that is more directly understood by people outside that environment. It is hard to detox from "Christianeese" but it will be an integral part of navigating the calling in my life.

We get to help all sorts of intercessors, I want to volunteer in the kitchen making food for crazy teenagers, buying houses and renting them, on and on... Judah wants a treehouse, Israel would love a horse.

All I know is God is taking us on an adventure, and it is a progressively intense one. It isnt a bunch of new ideas, but more of a developing of existing ideas, and an integration of them into a constant lifestyle, rather than an event.

How does a miracle happen???

I dont know. But I think Im seeing one happen...

A friends child (Jenai) is adopted from China. She was saving up for an IPOD.

Another set of friends is adopting from China. We get together and pray and engage God for this child to come home here to the US.

We put whatever money we have into a jar. Jenai goes and gets a ziploc bag full of her money. She kneels down on the floor, and dumps her precious savings in the jar, along with a little teddy bear. She then stands up, and prays for Baby Hope.

Call me sentimental, call me whatever you want. But I cannot imagine that God just sat there and watched a child who had been redeemed, give her little bit for another child, and did nothing...

Even I as an earthly, fallen man am provoked. And to see a Chineese woman come in, and call her out in her native language. Wow. And to see the body of Christ come together and agree over this child, 1 out of a billion, is just neat.

This is a fantastic story about adoption

This is the story of my friends the Phillips family. They are in this right now, and can use all the help and financial support possible If you wanted to ever see a miracle, or be a part of one, this will do it.

http://www.tmphillips.com/adoption/hope/the-story/

Its getting real all the tiiiiimmmmeeee....

Things are getting more.... real. Good, but more true, sharper, more solid.

Moving is becoming a reality. Thankfully, I/we planned very aggressively. Too Aggressively. Wouldnt you know it, but God is more generous and helpful than we believed????

And pregnancy is catching up with Danie. She is tired, and a little sick. Not throwing up sick, but a little nauseous. And her little tiny belly is getting a firm little pocket in there! She woke up the other day, and I looked at hear and realized she is probably the most beautiful woman I ever saw. She doesnt seem to think so, which is really to my advantage! My new nickname for her is "Mrs. Kansas City". I realized, thankfully, she cant be "Miss Kansas City".

The kids went to scholl for the last day yesterday. It is odd. I wish we had decided BEFORE they started school, but it wasnt possible. We had fun with it. At least I did. When I told the school district they were leaving, they asked me where they were going. I asked them "does it matter?". I almost asked them "Is it any of your business?", but I need to be polite.

I had an altercation with an old man a few days ago. My dog wasnt ont he leash, and I didnt see anyone else in the park. After we threw the ball for him, I looked up, and there was a couple with a dog. I was bummed because I knew if Zeb saw them, he might go over there, and I didnt want anyone to be offended. I tried really hard to keep calm and see if I could get him to come back to me. But he saw them, and took off. I shouted "He isnt agressive, hes a puppy, he loves other dogs". The lady looked at me like I was a criminal, picked up her dog, and they kind of freaked.

I ran over there, apologized, and they started yelling. I told them I was very sorry, I didnt see anyone there, and wouldnt have let him off the leash. They kept scolding me, and I tried to be really paitent. I got Zeb and Danie came to get him with the leash. The guy picked up the ball that Zeb had dropped, and threw it over my head into the trees! I was in such shock, I turned around, looked at him (It must have looked like I was going to kill him), and yelled "HEY".

He jumped back, and the look on is face was unreal. He looked like I just pulled out a gun. THANKFULLY, somehow I calmed right down. Normally, my impulse control problems seem to really short circuit at that point. Honestly. But somehow, and it had to be divine, I relaxed. But I think this old guy thoguht I was going to beat him.

I did grab his arm, but really gently, and told him "I dont know why you did that. It sure doesnt help things. If I were a belligerent dog owner who doesnt care about anyone else, that would have lit me up. Im totally wrong in this, but what you did didnt help".

The guy didnt waver. He kept coming verbally. I tried to calm the situation down. He was STUPID. I have never hit anyone in a fight type of thing in my life. I probably wouldnt be able to do it very werll! But if I hadnt calmed down,. I would have put my fist right through that guys chest. And I would have felt so bad and guilty! UGggggghhhh..

On the way home, I realized how much more I could have done to apologize. And how thankful I was for the look of fear on is face.Had he not reacted that way, I might have intensified the issue, and it would have been terrible.

You just dont realize what you are capable of. Had my flesh gotten its way, I could have hurt that man so badly, and carried that the rest of my life. It was MUCH better to be slighted. I was wrong the whole timem, regardless of what he did. I just couldnt believe after him getting the poop scared out of him, he wouldnt relent. And I cannot believe how fleshly I am. That isnt the kind of man I want to be.

I want to be like my new nephew Patrick, who defends his sister from high schoolers teasing her and scaring her in the pool, and protecting other kids from bullies at school. I want to be like Jesus, and love that guy so much right from the start that I dont have anything to repent from, and possibly even be able to rejoice becuase he tasted love and was better off even for a little thing like that.

Oh yeah

Be careful what you pray for, because God is way gooder than you realize...

Im a messssss.....

http://www.godtube.com/view_video.php?viewkey=ee73e63418003b47d7d5

It really doesnt matter what you turn from...

Repentance has nothing to do with what you turn from, only who you turn to...

No one in heaven cares what you turned away from, and they dont even think about it. You do.

Its all about the good part, not the bad. So lets get over ourselves, making separation and distinctions about our own sin, and lets focus entirely on Who we are turning to. Its all about the solution, not the problem.

The Little things

Yesterday praying for someone, I really felt like God explained something to me, and its an interesting concept.

God sees when we are fatihful in the little things. We always take that verse "He who is faithful with little will be given more". Different versions say it slightly differently.

Anyhow, I have always imagined this as "I will get lots of little things, and if Im faithful, I will get progressively more and more to be faithful with".

But in reality, life is a big bag of big and little things. And the truth is, when something is a big thing, we intuitively steward that more than other things. If we dont, then we are lazy, and slothful, a different issue. But when things are small, we tend to let those drift.

But God isnt like that. He loves every little thing. He tracks every sparrow, hair, and any other little thing.

So I think the underlying issue is God is saying "I track every little thing, and it is important to me as every big thing. And when I see you trying your best with the littler things, I can see how you desire to be like me. And by that, you are faithful and I will give you more."

I dont know if it means more things that are "bigger", or more "little" things, or maybe even more of something else entirely different.

But the point here is the idea of faithful. Not perfect. Not accomplished. Not even able. Just faithful. In the little things. The little yes and no things every day. And He sees them ALL. And He appreciates them ALL. And He rewards them ALL. Because He loves to reward. He loves to find an excuse to bless you, and love you, and increase you. And when the Father sees someone that desires (whether they are successful or not) to be like His son, He SMILES and sends even more to them.

Some people need to be encouraged in this. Every time you desire not to react to your children driving you crazy, and try your best just to dial down and help them, HE SEES. Every little gesture of hope or encouragement you offer, every little "cup of cold water", is instantly seen and heard in heaven, because thats exactly what Jesus is like.

My Babys back

Well, I mean she is back here. She has a great back (ummm....) but I mean shes coming home. Im going to get her in about an hour.

She has been gone far too long. But Joycelyn is worth it. And turns out Danie needed a trip, as it will probably be a long time before she can take off for 10 days by herself.

Life is about to change in so many ways, some of which I cannot list here yet. The baby sure will change things. My daughters are the BEST! It is going to affect them for sure, and yet they seem to be getting a little excited. A baby having a sister like Israel and Judah is going to have some of the best things in the world. YOu can see that already in their little cousins, who adore them.

Just think about a baby getting attention from Israel all day. That girls can make a baby squeal from 50 yards. And having a wild sister like Judah LION! Sheeesssh.

God is moving in our lives, in so many ways. In hindsight, this will be a tremndous season. At the moment, it seems wild and oscillating between hope and vision and "HOW IS GOD GOING TO PULL THIS OFF?". We have lots of friends who live much farther out than us, but for me, life is getting fun, and stretching me.

Life is Good

Life is good, and I just happen to be experiencing it consciously.

My girls and I are together for most of the next week at night and mornings. Their mom is working a lot (high time for bars and food places during the holiday and end of summer), and I get to have some time with just them.

Life is funny as well, as you dont realize how it subtly slips out of your hands. I probably havent spent this much alone time with my kids since I was married, but it used to be our normal life. Danielle has added so much to our lives, and the girls and I were talking about how good it has been. They both see really good things, far more than I can list here.

But there is something about isolating time with your kids, and just doing whatever, and enjoying each other. My kids are so fun, it is hard to describe. As the parent, and the "old man" Im a little slower, and a little grumpy. So I spend a lot of time catching up to my little personalities. But they are just a blast.

It has been just us for so long. Since June of 1998 (9 years) I have had the girls to myself.

At the very beginning for 1-2 years, I had them only about 35-40% of the time. It was so hard for me having a 7 month old and a 3 year old. Just going to Trader Joes felt like I was having a breakdown. There was so much going on in my life. I needed healing badly, and God was using this as the opportunity, so I was trying to be a parent while I was going through deep inner healing. I really felt like it was all I could do just to make sure they didnt die. I had so much internally (fear, anxiety, self hatred etc...) that I wasnt able to relax.

In retrospect, the kids were a lot better off than I thought in many ways. My hyper vigilance was false. But justmaking dinner, trying to give baths, put them to bed, it all seemed overwhelming.

Then we hit a magic time, right about when Judah hit 2-3. As soon as I didnt have diaper bags, things seemed easier. Along with it some thing were harder (Try the "Daddy I have to go to the bathroom" when it is just you, and you take 2 girls into a mens bathroom at the mall!!!). But my parents got us Disneyland passes, and Disneyland had family bathrooms. We could just pick up and go, and enjoy ourselves.

As time went on, it got a little easier and easier, and there was more routine. No more naps, the girls were a little more self reliant, and I was a little more busy. Going through a lot of healing, the worst of the breakdown was behind me, and God was starting to build a platform for my life to grow.

But I realize now, with the cessation of drama and intensity, I was filling my life up with things that wernt productive, and allowed me to disengage. A subtle internal shift away from interaction, and more isolation than I realized must have come in. Until Danielle came out here, I dont think I realized how I had been shutting off in little ways.

Now as Danie goes away for the longest time we have had apart, it is just me and the kids. And while I miss my baby a LOT (actually both my babies!), I am finding a renewed connection with my lovely girls. It is so much fun to be with them. Going to the store is fun, driving around, interacting with people. Just being. If you know them, you will realize what Im saying.

I love my kids. I am grateful I am with them. I ache at how many mistakes I have made, how many shortcomings I had in such critical developmental times in their lives, and how many still remain. Even last night in a sleep deprived state I said and did things I wish I hadnt. But I realize that regardless of those things, to be here right now, and enjoy them is precious.

I love my kids, but I also really LIKE them to. It is important to Love, but kids need to know you Like them too. And I need to tell them that again today.

Timing could be everything

Danielle is in Germany this week. Her (and our) good friend Jocelyn got married Friday to her wonderful man, and Danielle had to go.

So this may explain our little timing issue about telling people she is pregnant. I apologize. We told just immediate family (and 1-2 friends) until we could tell the kids. But we didnt realize that by me telling the kids after she left (to avoid any heavy meltdowns), it made it impossible to tell allt he people we wanted to personally, and now people are finding out via the Blog, because it costs 1.99/min for Danie to tell people directly until next Sunday.

We apologize to many close friends and family that are finding out via a Blog instead of a call. Our bad. It isnt intentional, we tried to manage it and it got out of our hands.

Its official

Danielle is pregnant. We have waited to make an announcement until I got to tell the girls.

We are a little surprised, and the joy is beginning to set in. Telling my kids was a little rough, there has been a lot of change in the last year. But the intensity of the change is already being overshadowed by funny thoughts and ideas like "I wonder if Danies belly wont get bigger, instead she will get taller!", and "Can we teach it to spit watermelon seeds really far so it can be a champion?". There is a names list already being started (not by me). Sofar the list is:

Micah
Shiloh
LaFawnda
Dawn


I find myself in a strange spot. It has been so long since I had a baby (7+ years) and I have never really thought about the reality of raising children again, let alone doing it with someone else, and experiencing this as a lot more healthy person than I was before.

God never gives us trouble with a blessing. although some blessing cause trouble from others people! At this point, it will be yet another adventure, and a bundle of joy at the end.

What is the Law?

So WHAT is it?

It isnt the "Torah", although that is the Hebrew word for "the law". But even in that respect it has several definitions, none of which seem totally definitive.

I have a feeling that isnt quite concious yet that "The Law" such as David referenced when he said "Your Law is Perfect" in Psalm 19, and many other references in our bibles, means far more than a list of rules.

In fact, Im betting the list of rules is an almost insignificant expression of "The Law" in that they represent only the simplest things, in words humans can grasp, and all of which could be summed up when Jesus explained that Love would fulfill all of them.

I seriousy need prayer and feedback and any help in investigating this, especially anyone with exposure to OT theology, or messianic jewish pracitce and thought. I beleive there is some keys waiting to get released in this for me, and the Body in general.

And to think, this all started with sitting in the IHOP hearing people sing Psalm 19, and me saying "God, I dont even pay attention to your Law, let alone think about it or like it. I think Im missing something, please help me".

2 weeks later, something like a common thread is pulling in all sorts of interior places. God is on the move in my heart.

Reply to Don

Hey Don...

Wheeee.... And you arent rude. I am open to honest and sincere input.

Some disclaimers:
First off, I am still processing this, and trying to wrap my head around it. I though I made it clear in there, but I might have missed that.

Second, as far as "out of context" I make no claim to subscribe to anyones personal exposition of scripture, or bias. I (like everyone else), loves proof texting when it suits me, and totally disregards it when I dont like it. Anyone who thinks they truly exegete well and doesnt miss context when it suits them is deceiving themselves! LOL.....


The only verse Im pretty sure I used out of context was the Revelations, and that, along with almost all the other references, was for metaphor, or symbolism, not theology. Thats important here, because I am not trying to build a theology or a message, simply stating som ething, and using examples and symbols of other verses that I found interesting.

It is odd to me the Paul, John and Peter use the symbol of a lion with regards to appetite and pursuit (leopards and tigers, bears, rodents and all sorts of other things are good symbols too for voracious and yucky critters, and some of them are around Israel) so I included it.

If I am trying to make a theological point with some of the other scriptures, and they are out of context, let me know, because maybe Im getting screwy.

Actually, this idea might be closer to a "Health and Wealth" message (not gospel, puhleeesseee) than anyone is comfortable with. It wasnt intentional, and yet I think there is some of it that sounds parallel. My paradigm includes the reality that some of the "Faith" message is actually true, but some of it gets dsitracted or too focused on certain things. Im that way with fundementalists, and charismatics, and all the other isms and ists and icss in the body. One add-on I need to make clear is, we are responsible for our sin, and sin has consequences. God does forgive, and gives Grace to the humble, but we still have the results. We reap what we sow. But in Christ, I am forgiven,a nd can stand confident in front of Him, and ask for HELP to fulfill my part. As I do that, I am clean and clear, and the rest is someone elses.

The main point here is, there is something bigger and more decisive in our walk than what we think. There is a lot more to this idea than I presented already, and I hope it will distill itself more. But think through this part:

1. God DID come to set people free, including deystroying the works of the devil (Im thinking John 10, numerous Isaiah passages etc..)
2. When He was here, He literally demonstrated it, and then facilitated the disciples to do likewise (interestingly enough before they even knew how to pray!).
3. He commanded us to follow Him in many ways, including loving HIm, loving one another, and going forth making disciples etc...

But my head/heart/mind (hopefully all the things Im seeking to know and love Him with) are beignning to peel back something, and seeing some underlying principles, one of which is JUSTICE.

Not only have I suffered at the hands of myself, my choices, my sin etc... I have also suffered at the hands of others. And behind all of it (ALL OF IT) is sin, and behind all the sin is the invitation of Satan.

Satan tempted Eve and Adam, and then they chose. For all sorts of reasons, (none of which are explicit in scripture, but we extrapolate things like Free Will, and the nature of Love and obedience) God allowed it. But it is unjust. The enemy, using the Law, stumbled us. We bit into it, but he presented it.

We were NEVER designed to live in sin, and the consequences are terrible. We arew ripped off from the true experience, purpose, life etc... that we were designed to have. We were LIED to, and WE CHOSE it. However, it was false.

Not only did we get ripped off, but so did God. God designed me for intimacy with Him, tobe loved by Him, and in His heart, He wants to be loved by me. All the sin in my life, caused by me, or thrust upon me, has one big result. It cuts me off from the very purpose I was designed for, and strangles me. And both God, and I are getting stolen from.

Interestingly, God is not mocked. Not ultimately at least. We know people do mock Him day and night, but scripture says He wont be mocked. I think it is is obvious that God designed something for His special use (Paul talks about that in Romans I think), but it gets hijacked, and used for something totally different. That is a theif.

But God wont ultimately be mocked. So what does that mean. I think the Law is perfect, and the Law convicts me of sin, and brings me to Justice, which then the Blood of Jesus fulfills. But once that occurs, the Law is my ADVOCATE, because it was designed with Justice in mind.

My sin is now taken care of, and now my part is to contend for Gods purposes (my little list up above). Now the Law works in MY FAVOR. anything I have done is atoned for in Christ, and I walk out my part with His help. Anything done againt me (or Him) I can bring as a petition to Him, and He who wrote the Law, is the Judge as well. He also is the ONE who enacts Justice on our behalf. He DESIRES Justice, and will eventually even come Himself and MAKE IT HAPPEN all the way down to even things like envrionmental issues.

Thsi is rambling on and on, but my point is that it isnt a name it and claim it scenario int he classic sense, but it is a point where I am beginning to realize God WANTS to do something, bith He and I have been injured in this, and positionally only He has the power currently to restore anything to righteousness. My part is to go before Him, and admit my part, be cleansed, and then ask Him to do what He wants to do. Just like in the Promised Land, He then gives me the way to walk, and give me His power to do what He wishes. But the enemy is bound by the law just like I was, and now the LAw is my advocate against him.

Dont know if I make any sense, and I know there must be lots of spelling errors. what do you think?

UnsysteMatic tHeologies of juStice and PrayEr

Well, Im am sifting through a lot thathas been building for years in me. I assume I will find people who already know this, or who could really help me expand my understanding on this. But I have a had a few requests to write this down, so that it could be simply presented. I would love ot hear others expound on it.

1. The Thief, and his food.
Prov 6:30-31
30 Men do not despise a thief if he steals to satisfy his hunger when he is starving.
31 Yet if he is caught, he must pay sevenfold, though it costs him all the wealth of his house.
(NIV)

I have read other translations that say it even slightly different, but the basic idea here is we understand (not permit or accept!) the reality that a person steal when they are hungry, but when they do, they must pay back 7 times what they have stolen.

2. Who is the thief?
John 10:1
1 "I tell you the truth, the man who does not enter the sheep pen by the gate, but climbs in by some other way, is a thief and a robber.
(NIV)
John 10:10
10 The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy;
(NIV)

The thief is the devil, and those who do his work. He seeks to steal, and to incite others to steal.

3. Is the thief hungry?
1 Pet 5:8
8 Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.
(NIV)

He walks around hungry, looking for anything he can eat.

2 Tim 4:17
17 But the Lord stood at my side and gave me strength, so that through me the message might be fully proclaimed and all the Gentiles might hear it. And I was delivered from the lion's mouth.
(NIV)

Paul uses the concept of the Lions Mouth that was chasing him, and seeking to devour him as he shared the Gospel.

Rev 13:2
2 And the beast which I saw was like unto a leopard, and his feet were as the feet of a bear, and his mouth as the mouth of a lion: and the dragon gave him his power, and his seat, and great authority.
(KJV)

The beast has a mouth like a lion.

4. What is his food?
Gen 3:14
14 So the LORD God said to the serpent, "Because you have done this, "Cursed are you above all the livestock and all the wild animals! You will crawl on your belly and you will eat dust all the days of your life.
(NIV)

Gen 2:7
7 the LORD God formed the man from the dust of the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life, and the man became a living being.
(NIV)

Man is formed from the dust, and the enemy is cursed and forced to eat the dust all the days of his life.

5. The redemption-Summary
The enemy walks the earth like a hungry lion, seeking to steal and kill and destroy. His food is the dust of the earth, and he is ravenous. Mankind is made from the dust of the earth, and is essentially the enemy’s food.

The enemy prowls the earth looking to eat mankind. We understand this is the way it works. We know the routine. We all understand the enemy is seeking us out, to see if he can devour us. We don’t say it is ok, but we do know it is the way things work.
HOWEVER, when he is caught, he must repay back 7 times what he has stolen, even if it costs him everything.

Whatever the enemy has EVER stolen, time, money, faith, hope, love, intimacy etc… WHEN he is caught, he must pay back 7 times what he stole, even if it bankrupts him.
The foundation of Gods throne is Justice. As we bring the enemy before Him, we can ask for 7 times what has been stolen from us. It is Gods role to adjudicate, and then enforce the sentence.

Not only that, but we can extrapolate this concept, and ask for revelation of any place in our life we have been stolen from. As Holy Spirit reveals this to us, we go quickly to the JUST JUDGE, and start the process.

There is so much more to expand on. Think about Leviticus. Everything is set up that when something is stolen, we get more back than we lost. And on the other side, whenever we give, we get more back.

The economy of the Kingdom is geared to our benefit. And also the enemy’s. He knows these laws, and uses them against us. He accuses us in front of God, Jesus even uses a similar example about casting demons out, and them coming back with 7 OTHERS. It is as if the enemy gets cast out, but says “I had a RIGHT to be there, and I was kicked out unjustly. See they haven’t put anything back in there, so I have a right to go back, and bring more than what I lost!”

We must begin to rise up, and ask God to reveal to us anywhere we have stolen, admit it, repent, and ask for Grace. In Christ, we can stand in Gods court, and petition for justice where we have been stolen, until the enemy has to go oppress someone else because he keeps losing more than he gains. Then we start to GIVE, and we get even more return!

My Favorite Danie

Every time I see this picture, I think about how much I love and enjoy my wife. I cannot explain all of it, it is more a feeling.

I remember when God helped me realize certain things about loving like this. Im not saying I can actually love like this, but I catch pieces of it experientially. Its kind of like this:

Question: Why do you love your wife?
Answer: I just do.

See. I cannot tell you why. I can tell you that I do. And this is the key....

Do you notice that God NEVER says (that I can think of) "I love you because...."

In fact, I cannot think of one thing God says when He talks about Love that is qualified by the recipient.

What I do see is this: "I Love things ABOUT you like this....(ala Song of Songs)"

There are a lot of things I like/love about Danielle. I could list them, and spent some time recently in Kansas City with people who traded lots of them with me.

But now I think I see a little bit about God's Love. If He loved me because I was obedient, as soon as I failed, He wouldnt love me anymore. If He loved me because I was attractive, as soon as I got older, He would stop etc...

But He doesnt love me for a reason based on me/myself, only Him. I dont think He ever explains WHY, He just DOES. I can bless Him, and I can even ravish His heart, but He will always Love me because He does.

so as great as my wife is, and as many wonderful things there are about her, I think I get it more now than ever.



However, when it comes to "Why do you love her?". I just do.