Tuesday, October 31, 2006

Its official


Its offical. At least I think there is little chance of anything happenning that could allow Danie to get out of this mess shes in!

I assumed that I got the good end of the deal, and from what I can tell from her friends and family, I was right. We all knew how nice she is, and how sweet hearted. Thats easy, and takes about 30 seconds. I dont know anyone who doesnt like her, let alone love her (EAT YOUR $%@! HEART OUT). But then, she gets all fancied up, and walks out and you think to yourself "Holy crud, I got this gorgeous woman on my hands and Im a little intimidated!"

I knew she was mighty purty. I even knew she was super purty. But this was way over the top. To be honest, Im glad she is so modest (one of my FAVORITE things about her to be truthful is how she stweards herself and her beauty), because I feel kinda like Moses walking through Egypt with every powerful guy wanting to off me to get her!

Im really grateful for her friends too. They were unbelievably helpful and supportive. I have finally seen some people that have similar status and cache to my own set of friends. I am blown away by the generosity of people, and their sincerity. I highly reccommend Jason as a personal valet, and dancing fool. He helped me get ready, made me smell good, and then started shaking his groove thing when needed.

Thanks so much for all the help to all these people. I dont even recall all of them, but it was great. The best part is coming home, and getting on with life.

Monday, October 16, 2006

BBQ so good it makes you want to...

The phrase I heard is slap your mama. But this is even weirder.

We went to Arthur Bryants. Considered on of the first and most authentic BBQ places in KC, if not the country. Especially for KC BBQ. We even went to the original one, down in the industrial downtown part of KC.

It is a dive. I didnt realize it really would be. We got there, and they gave us some pretty cold BBQ meat, which was about as good as anything I can make with ease. And I got the chopped pork sandwhich. Thinking this would be killer, what we really got was a pile of orange mush on wonder bread. Another odd thing was they simply put the food on plastic cafeteria trays. Not on a plate on a tray, but on the tray itself. It weirded me out for a while until I realized it is just as easy to sanitize that as a plate, but I have some kind of culinary bigotry going on.

However, its the CULTURE that really wowed us. A good siezed man (and I mean 6' 4", and pretty good shape, blue collar looking guy) gets a plate full of food. He gets up and walks out of the dining area into the hallway (Im assuming to the bathroom). The boys and I are eating (it was a BIG BOY trip, and Z hung the whole way), and all of a sudden the guy at the table next to us says "Man I think that guy picked up your food and walked out with it". We realize he is talking to the gentleman that went to wash his hands. I look at the guy and say "Youre kidding" and he says that hes pretty sure.

The boys look at me with some amusement, and my mind is swirling. The guy runs out of the front door, and 25 seconds later the 2 BIG boys from behind the BBQ Pit go racing out the door. The old man that cleans up the tables (we are talking about a man in his 70s probably) comes out with a triangle shaped spatula about the size of a cross section of cheddar cheese, and goes to the door.

Just at that point, blue collar man comes walking in with his food! We are all amazed, and we find out the guy took a bite of it before the guy could get it back. Im already thinking "if the pit man doesnt give him some food to replace it we GOT to take a collection and buy this guy some food after all that". Sure enough, they do the right thing.

And them Bryant, the programmer/genius from the hills of West Virginia says "They ought to make a commercial out of that. Its BBQ not only good enough to steal off a mans table, but its good enough to run him down and take it back!"

And then Zion just shrugged and kept eating his chopped Pig.

Monday, October 09, 2006

Baby Baby

Went for a run to vegas. Saw the BABY. My friends came to Vegas with a suitcase of cash, and are leaving with a life, a story, and an example of Gods intentions and power.

See, there is a mom out there that has a history that is painful, and rather predictable. Especially in Las Vegas. And somehow, she decided to forego killing her child, but stick it out and release this baby to the state in hopes that the baby would have something that even she probably didn't have.

As well there is a couple that have some babies. And yet God is stirring them to go beyond just their stance about "pro-life", and intentionally intervene. And all these factors come together in a special little dance that has really impacted me.

I actually got to hold her... I joked that I have cooked chickens bigger than this baby. She isn't underweight or anything, don't get me wrong. I just forget how little they are. I think that's so they come out better, and also for people to think they are cute to help them continue to take care of them. I didn't ever remember my babies looking that little!

She is little, and cute, just like she should be. And to me she represents the fruit of labor and work and redemption in a practical way that is pretty dramatic. I just want to party, and enjoy the whole thing.

But here is the twist... Underneath all this redemption is a system that I am finding out needs dramatic change. Serious Change. In fact, I would say it might be possible the whole process of adoption might need to be redeemed. I don't know if there is a better word. Here is a fancy attempt at metaphor....

We all walked down the Las Vegas Strip last night. I gorged on food, and navigated moving billboards of naked and seductive women (some men too) which have a lot less pull on me than ever before. We all KNOW it is wrong. But it is so saturating, it actually becomes less sensational quickly. And we stop and do one of my favorite things. We watch the fountains at Bellagio. At night, with the lights. And we wait until we see the softer music ones, where it makes the water look like dancing, and my emotions are all caught up in this. I think it is beautiful, and makes me think about heaven, and God, and creativity....

None of this would be possible without the money involved in gambling, and the parallel opportunities. There simply wouldnt be enough money to create a lake in the middle of the desert, and shoot off water if people werent going to lose money.

Some people think gambling is sin. I dont. I like it. It can be fun. Some people might think shopping is sin. I kind of do at times, especially with what and how and where some of these organizations present themselves, and what they tap into. I definitely think lust is sin, and perpetuating it is going to create incredible grief for people. Some people might think Las Vegas in sinful. I think it is a city. The people, and what they pursue, have been allowed to use it for their own purpose.

And yet out of all this, come these beautiful fountains, and things like the Cirque du Solieil. And communities of immigrants that come to America and work. But it isn’t worth it is it? Wouldn’t we rather have nothing there, because even though there is some beautiful things, the reason they exist is because of the desire and resources of sin, or at least the result of corruption?

I see something similar in the "adoption industry". I haven’t been through the process, and I dont know enough about it.....YET. But just simply watching and reading and hearing, Im sick. Because in my heart, I love the idea of redemption of something out of a bad situation, but the way it is handled is almost similar to the way Las Vegas runs. This whole process runs on money, and its mechanism is to exploit the needs on both ends for redemption, and connection.

I bet others would even have more to say. But I see a system that presents pretty fountains, and we all know that this is better than babies, and that most of the time something bad has happened for a baby to need to be given up. And yet underneath it is a sick and twisted thought process. How come it costs more $$ for a free, Caucasian baby? And that the more racially diverse the baby is, the more it costs compared to babies that are exclusively other than white?

My business mind tells me why. SUPPLY AND DEMAND. And demand creates voids and opportunities for profit centric systems to jump in and manipulate supply. If there is a demand for gambling, and lust, and hedonism, it is a matter of time before someone will jump in and supply it. And as they do, they can coat it with things that misconstrue and distract you even from your own desire for things.

We are actually talking about brokering. We are talking about commodities trading. I see nothing much different from an agency finding a woman distraught and afraid, and either ashamed enough or convicted enough not to want to kill a baby, and brokering her situation to the highest bidder. She/the baby is basically a future, and the price is negotiable!!!! How can a sale price be negotiable if the there isn’t a profit margin in this?

On the other side is a couple that for a few simple reasons wants to adopt these babies. Usually it is tied to the inability to have biological children and sometimes a conviction.(and soon I believe it will be volumes of people who can, but choose not to. Or, what if "barrenness" occurs in the church? All of a sudden, it isn’t uncommon for Christians to not have biological children. Bet we would think about it as a curse, and I would say what if it is a word from God to fulfill scriptures). So fairly well meaning people engage this process, and are told they need to go through hurdles and agencies and costs. And their ability to pay, and their willingness to sacrifice helps determine what they can get. And I dont have a value placed on drug free, Caucasian, etc... They are all lives and babies. One isnt better than another.

Both sides are caught in a place of need or desire, and both are manipulated for the purpose of making money, while the face of it is presented as this wonderful thing called adoption. And the pro life folks are excited because someone isn’t killing babies, which is GREAT, and yet there is a taste in my heart similar to when I go to Las Vegas.

The metaphor isn’t a great one, but it is me trying to get my head around what is going on.

I think it is time to assault the adoption industry. I would rather have it than not, but the costs, the gymnastics, and the premise of for profit companies brokering babies has got to be brought to an end.

It must be possible to jump into the market and apply similar processes, but with different motives, and therefore different results. When a market exists, and someone is selling the same product for less, with the same quality and delivery, they will erode the market until the market loses its ability to provide profit to anyone not capable of doing business the same way. Is it possible to create a matrix in which adoptions can be done, and only the actual costs are passed on to the buyer? And the supplier is motivated to work with the broker because of ease of business, and the ethos of the broker? How many birth mothers would prefer to work with an agency they KNEW wasn’t making money off them? Do they even KNOW that is happening?

I am going to do some research, and I am going to get some really smart people in the same room, and we are going to talk about this. Prayers are appreciated. There is something afoot.

Sunday, October 01, 2006

4 weeks

Well 4 weeks to go, and I will be legally married.

I really debate all this stuff, but in the end I have had to repent of my judgements, and allow for the reality that culture defines marriage. As I wrote that, I realized I might be wrong.

So WHEN is someone married? I read the bible, and it doesnt define marriage. At the minimum I can figure is sexual intercourse. But anything past that, there isnt a definition. I wrestled with that, trying to understand the role of the recognition of the state vs. the sacremental aspects of marriage.

When is divorce then? God allows for divorce, heck he even issued a decree of divorce with Israel (of course, he gets her back at the end). So is there a spiritual aspect to divorce, or is it purely legal?

The reason why I debate things aside (over active brain, distraction, ADD, avodinging emotional conflict, being wired that way etc...), this might be a very serious thing. As I go along in life I find more and more vain traditions of the church that have gradually interacted with culture, and they have in essence blended together.

For example... WHEN is someone actually married? In the eyes of the state, it is a legal status, meaning a license is issued, and people can now share the ownership of property, cannot legally do that with anyone else outside of a business arrangement, are liable for each others debts incurred etc...

As society, we accept this. As the CHURCH, we accept this. WHY? Im not sure now that I think about it. I guess because thats what I have been programmed to think. If marriage is purely a status, that has legal ramifications, I guess it is good enough.

But as a believer in Christ, I believe that there is a sacremental aspect to it. It is a few things at once.

1. It is the redemption of the Man and the Woman coming together. God created MANKIND (we usually say Man here) male and female in Adam at the beginning. I dont know honestly if Adam was purely just Male or not, but I know God took FROM Adam to make woman. And he left certain things in Adam, and took certain things out. Rick Joyner says that explains the shopping conflict. I dont like it, understand it, or even relate. But it is a real thing Danie and Israel like to do.

2. It is the joining of Man and Woman as an image of Christ and the church.

So does the church get its endorsement from the society within which it operates, or des it define marriage itself? I would say the former, almost 100%. The church depends on outside, largely legal definitions to determine if someone is married or not!

I think this is crazy! I have never thought through this at this level before. I hear that certain groups within the Church (Puritans for one) didnt recognize marriage from the legal perspective. The were so into separation of church and state they didnt perform marriages that serve the purpose of the state.

Here is the problem. If I, as the church, allow the society in which I live to define marriage, the state of marriage, and whether or not I am married, then I must allow the state to define it! And this is a big problem, because the same people I am leeting define it, are attempting to define it in ways inconsistent with my beliefs and convictions as a christian.

HAH! This is a trip. So I wrestle more. On and On. Am I defined by my faith, or my culture?

If I say my faith, then am I not married to Danielle until I have sex with her, even if I have entered into a societally based/recognized arrangement to share property. Because a "pastor" is only recognized by the state as having the right to marry, there is no role of that in the church. It isnt a spiritual gift or even "office" for those really into that kind of thing.

If I say my culture, then what happens when my culture defines marriage (and subsequently divorce) as anything it wants to? If I live in Uganda, I can have as many wives as I wish (uggghhhh). And somewhere else might possibly be even to marry a few guys as well (double uggghhh). And if the state is only recognizing it truly as a legal status, who cares?

Anyhow, I feel sometimes as if I am caught in a battle of cultures. On one hand I have friends and aquaintances who try to defy the culture as much as possible, and yet will succumb to cultural mores like this as without even thinking. And then I have freinds and family who could care less, and dont even recognize either the legal issue as important, or the sacrement.

I wish to renounce my dependence on all cultures, both the classic local one (USA, caucasian, etc...) and the "Christian" ones as well (evangelical, charismatic, caucasian etc...). For the most part, I am finding lots of inconsistencies, and silly and vain traditions that have been handed down by well meaning people. I will work within society, and be respectful of others beliefs, and yet will strive to be defined by what God says to me, about me, and about Himself.

For right now, I think I will question authority until I see and understand if it lines up with the simple and clear message of Christ, which is LOVE. A Love more stern and splendid than mere kindness (as CS Lewis says). A Love NOT defined by society, sentiment, or lust, but not by the christian versions of that either. I experienced the violent love of GOD way before I heard someone else say it. And until I know more about love, and have more of it coming from me, and because I dont know HOW to love like this I will keep wrestling with it until God comes through delivering me. Then I will know and understand.

Comments are requested.